


Illusions

by bluepact



Category: Magic: The Gathering
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Children, Divorce, Engagement, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pregnancy, Sexual Abuse, Slow Burn, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Transgender, content warnings for: alcohol & abuse & mentioned suicidal attempt & implied rape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2018-12-09 23:34:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 32
Words: 45,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11679414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluepact/pseuds/bluepact
Summary: Jace lived in LA with Liliana. He later met Gideon, a barista who happened to be working whenever Jace took a coffee break. Because of Gideon, Jace met new friends, developed new feelings, and realized all he wants is to be free. This is the story of a divorce, living with trauma, and a newfound relationship that creates only happiness.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi and welcome to my very first mtg slowburn! as a warning, this fic features rape/non-con content. however, i want to make it clear that i would never condone such a behavior, not to mention the fact that i am a survivor of assault (this is none of your business, but i feel that it is important). instead, i want to convey a message of the importance of consensual & kind relationships. enjoy!
> 
> find me on tumblr! i draw on sprklqst, and post my writings on femmequest :-) come say hello

Los Angeles was overrated. The sky was gross, the air was hot, the people were obnoxious, and everything was expensive. Traffic and parking lots were horrible, so public transportation was needed. However, it was horrible too. It was crowded, so much so that any claustrophobic person ought to walk instead, or take a bicycle.

Jace found it was too hot to wear a jacket and pants everyday, but the twenty-five year old still had nearly every inch of his skin covered up every single day. He rode his motorcycle to work everyday because he hated crowds and small spaces. And when he parked that motorcycle and walked to the building, Jace always kept his hands in his pockets. He always stared at the ground, and he never checked his phone.

Jace worked at a bookstore. It was large and expansive; the ceiling was high, the shelves were tall, the selection of books was massive. Jace loved the place, and he felt a sense of security whenever he came to work. He didn't usually have to talk to his co-workers, which was nice. Jace was quiet and uninterested in making… friends. He was happy enough to organize books on shelves and restock the popular ones. He didn't even mind that he had to stand for most of the day because he liked it so much. And during his breaks, Jace went to the coffee shop across the street. He drank a chai latte, and didn't eat anything.

Going back to work wasn't a pain, either. With the caffeine in his system, Jace felt like he could do anything. He could climb the ladder and not be afraid of putting a book on the top shelf, and he might have even been able to say hello to a customer coming in. In a large scale, these achievements would seem small, but knowing Jace personally would have helped one understand. It was really too bad there was nobody that  _ knew _ him…

Nobody except for Liliana.

Jace usually left the bookstore in the middle of the evening, usually when the sun was just about to set. He’d pick up another chai latte, head over to the parking lot, ride his motorcycle to the apartment parking lot, and walk to his apartment. He opened the door and he flinched; Liliana was sitting on the couch, crossing her legs and smiling that devilish grin. He knew she would be there, it’s exactly how it was every day after work, but it was a pattern that didn’t change.

“Why don’t you ever respond to my messages, dear?” she asked. She rose from the couch, her legs crossing with each step. Her black heels were loud and powerful, it made Jace lean backward a little. He didn’t realize he was holding his breath. “I’ve been texting you  _ all _ day.”

“Sorry‒”

Liliana sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. “Oh Jace,  _ please _ stop apologizing. Why don’t you treat me to dinner instead?” Her grin was like a crack against her face. Jace blinked. He started to make sounds of protest, but as Liliana’s hands moved to her hips, he gave in.

“Where would you like to go?” he asked.

Liliana smirked.

 

They ended up in a restaurant that was very expensive, given Jace’s income. He didn’t understand why she wanted  _ him _ to cover the bill. After all, she  _ was _ a model and she  _ was _ paid a much higher wage than he was. But he didn't say anything. He knew she would find some way to soften him again, like a washcloth under water. His hands slightly shook as he held the menu, mentally scrolling through the prices. He decided to choose the cheapest option possible without Liliana raising an eyebrow at him.

Liliana did the complete opposite and chose the most expensive option on the menu. This didn’t surprise Jace, but it made him sigh in disappointment anyway. There goes his entire paycheck. The food came quickly, which was nice. But Liliana was all too happy to be there, smiling her pointy smile and sipping her  _ expensive _ wine. She rotated the glass in her hand and stared at Jace expectantly. He, on the other hand, stared at the table as he ate and drank his water.

“You’re awfully quiet today, darling,” she said. “Why don’t you talk to your lady?”

Jace lifted his chin and forced a flat smile on his face. “It’s been a long day, you know, Monday…” he dragged off. Liliana had started reapplying her deep purple lipstick. Jace could tell she wasn’t even listening.

“Mhm,” she said. Jace blinked.

There was a long pause as she perfected her makeup. Jace watched her as patiently as he could.

“Liliana‒”

“Yes?”

“Um… H-how is your food?” he asked.

“Oh. It needs more sauce,” she complained, rolling her eyes. Jace’s heart was ready to tumble down his ribcage. His paycheck, gone to waste! But he didn’t say anything. He half expected Liliana to ask him how  _ his  _ food was, given that he had paid for it all, but she didn’t. “Let's go home soon, dear, this place is a drag.”

“Right…”

“And stop looking so sad, Jace. It breaks my little heart,” said Liliana. She grabbed Jace’s chin, grazing against the blue tattoos with a red nail. Jace agreed with her for the first time that day: her heart really was small. He nearly slapped himself hard for that thought.

The waiter came by, and Liliana gestured to him. “Sir,” she cooed, “The check, please?” Their waiter nodded at her, gulping at he looked down at her half-exposed chest. He wheeled around on his shiny black shoes and practically ran back to grab the check. Liliana darted her gaze back on Jace, studying him. Her lips quirked up at the corners. Jace worried for her next actions.

“Oh, you're so cute. Look how jealous you are, darling!” Liliana beamed, her painfully white teeth seeming to glint. She began to pet Jace’s smooth cheeks.

Jace blinked, removing Liliana’s hand from his face in protest. “Lili, I’m not‒”

“Don't try to pretend, you know it's true!”

“Liliana, I don't get jealous! You know that!” Jace said. His face was white and hot. He suddenly regretted it, and he wanted to curl up and disappear. Liliana’s eyes were wide and  _ fierce _ and terrifying. She stood up. Jace tried not to fear for his life.

“You're so stupid,” she said, and she wheeled around on her tall heels, and exited the restaurant.

Jace wasn’t shocked, but he really, really,  _ really _ wanted to disappear.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace officially meets Gideon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi there again.
> 
> just as a clearing up of how i've set up this slowburn, it is divided into four (confirmed) parts. i will let you know when each part has come to a close! 
> 
> tw for: implied rape

Jace took a deep, _ deep _ breath as he opened the door to his and Liliana’s apartment. He knew that it wasn’t his fault. He needed to be  _ honest _ with her. But she insisted he did things that just weren’t like him. He didn’t understand why it made her so angry that he didn’t get jealous. He understood it so little that it made  _ him _ angry in return. He wasn’t stupid! At least, he didn’t think so… He shook his head and turned the doorknob.

“Lili…?”

“Don’t call me that right now.”

“I-I…”

“Sit.” 

She declared it; it was like venom was coming out from her lips.

Jace was hesitant for a moment; unsure. He sighed. He sat next to her on the couch, leaving a few feet of space between them. But it didn’t matter, because she scooted close anyway and took his hand.

“I’m not angry anymore,” Liliana started to say, stroking Jace’s hand with her long, maroon painted nails without warning. Jace’s hand flinched. She rotated the plain metal band around his finger. His hand was frozen. “We’re  _ married, _ Jace. Let’s…” ‒ her lips grazed Jace’s ear, and he looked away, out the window ‒ “Relieve our tensions some other way than fighting.”

“Liliana, I love you, but‒”

“Oh hush, Jace, you  _ know _ this will be good for us.”

“No‒”

“Jace.”

Jace went silent, his eyes looking anywhere but at her.

“That’s it. To the bedroom.”

  
  
  


Not an hour passed. Liliana seemed content. Jace felt miserable. He pulled the blanket up to his bare chest. He was facing away from her. He looked out the window, trying to ignore the pain in his body, in his chest. He felt  _ alone _ , despite the union he shared with Liliana.

He felt one of her nails poking him in the back, and he closed his eyes. That hurt. “Jace.” He was still silent, but she knew he was awake. “Why haven’t you told me you work at the bookstore now?” Jace shivered and bit his lip.

“H-how did you‒”

“Don’t want me to visit you at work, dear?”

“W-well I‒”

“You’re so  _ darling _ ,” she giggled, stroking the skin of Jace’s back. “I  _ love _ you. Goodnight.”

“I love you too, Lili,” said Jace honestly.

He felt sick.

‒

Jace had work the next morning. He was excited and happy to go, he practically leapt over Liliana, who had neglected to take off her makeup as always. Jace thought it was as if her mascara and eyeshadow were permanent.

Jace dressed himself quickly, and threw on his baby blue jacket. It was a necessary staple to his outfits. He ate breakfast and drank coffee. He checked to see if he had his wallet, his keys his phone, and he was ready to go. He reached for the brass doorknob, but hesitated.

He went back to his room to kiss Liliana on her nearly-frozen cheek before running out the door.

Jace had a mostly peaceful first few hours at work. He organized and restocked half of the shelves in record time, and he even dusted them. He even assisted a little boy in finding a comic book to take home, and Jace  _ hardly _ talked to anyone. 

It was time for his break, and that meant it was time to go across the street to the coffee shop that he loved so much.

“The usual for J-a-c-e and not J-a-y-s?” said the barista behind the counter. Jace looked up and flushed a deep red.

“U-um, yes. How did you…”

“Remember your order  _ and  _ your name? Well, that’s easy. It looks like my shift always aligns with your little break, J-a-c-e.”

“You don’t have to spell my name every time… Uh… ‘Gideon’.”

“Fine by me. Care to sit at the barstools this time?” Gideon winked and wrote Jace’s name on the cup and… what was that? A series of numbers?

“Um yeah okay sure,” Jace said. He sat down at the bar and pressed his chin between his arms. He tried not to look at Gideon, it made him nervous for some reason. He blew his hair out of his eyes and waited patiently for his drink.

Only a few minutes passed before Gideon slid the chai over to Jace, who raised his eyebrows. A phone number! But why? He looked at Gideon’s face, and somehow found himself flushing even more. Gideon was smiling so kindly, and his lips were so big and expressive that Jace nearly lost his mind.

“Why…?” he asked. Gideon only smiled at him.

“Well, why not?”

Jace found himself squeezing his cup and biting his lip. Maybe this could turn out good for him. He was hopeful.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace makes plans with his new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: alcohol, implied rape

It was late at night. Liliana had dragged Jace out to drink with some of her model friends. He despised most of them, and drinking wasn't usually fun, so he’d said no, but Liliana took him out anyway. “As my husband, you  _ can't _ refuse to go out and drink with me, Jace,” she had said.

Liliana held Jace's hand on the way there, squeezing so tight that it turned practically blue. It didn't help that she was taller than him in her high heels, it made him  _ very _ uncomfortable. Jace was happy the sun had gone down and it was chillier than usual until Liliana started to complain.

“Jace, I’m so  _ cold. _ ”

“We'll be there soon.”

“Jace. I'm.  _ Cold _ .”

Jace sighed, looking away as he wrapped an arm around her. “There. Happy now?”

“Delightfully,” she said.

 

They arrived at the club just after midnight, and all of Liliana’s friends were already there. They smiled their fake smiles at the couple and offered them a seat.

“Oh you two are such a lovely couple,” a bottle blonde said, “How long have you been married, Lili?”

“One year,” she said, “One year, and a month.” She smiled at the other model, closing her eyes defiantly. Jace sighed inaudibly and took out his phone. Enough of this bullshit. He didn't want to think about their anniversary. He had been softened and pressured into having sex with Liliana  _ again, _ and he started to hate himself for it. He didn't want to think about it and panic while everyone was around.

Jace: Hi, this is Jace

Gideon: Oh! If it isn't chai latte lover? How are you on this fine evening?

Jace: Fine, how about yourself

Gideon: I can hear you lying through text. If you must ask, though, I’m doing well.

Jace raised his eyebrows at the screen. Liliana watched him and he looked at her, then back at his screen.

Jace: You… what? How do you know I'm lying.

Gideon: One word response.

Jace: |:

Gideon: :)

Gideon: You've even admitted it.

Jace: …

“Jace, you're  _ texting _ ? What happened to not looking at your phone?”

“I told you no, but you took me out anyway. The least you can do is let me fool around on my phone.”

“ _ Jace. _ Put it away.”

“No.”

Jace: Well, yeah…

Gideon: Want to talk about it?

Jace: We've just met, and you're already so kind to me. Why?

Gideon: Intuition? I felt like I would get along with you.

Liliana reached for Jace's phone, but he leaned and she couldn't grab it.

Jace: Oh. Well, thanks.

Jace: I'm out at the club with my wife and it's not fun

Gideon: I had no idea you were married! Why isn't it fun?

“Jaaaace.”

Jace ignored her.

Jace: Well she's a model and all of her friends are also models… I don't like them very much. But they really like me.

Jace: Add alcohol, let's just say they're not any better…

Right as Jace sent that text, one of Liliana’s friends started to sob about endangered pandas, vodka in hand.

Gideon: I see.

Gideon: Well I'm sorry about that! You and I should spend some time together. That might cheer you up!

Jace: You would… Hang out with me?

Gideon: Jace, I gave you my number.

Jace: Oh, well, yeah…

Gideon: :)

Jace found himself blushing. 

Gideon: How about we meet at my gym and I'll train you! I promise it'll be fun.

Jace: Oh, but… Isn't that expensive? Also I'm not very strong…

Gideon: I'll get you a cheap membership no problem.

Jace sighed in relief.

Gideon: And I promise not to work you too hard.

Jace: Ah, okay, when?

Gideon: Are you free tomorrow evening? 10?

Jace: I am. That will work.

Gideon: Great! I'll send you the address.

Jace: Thank you…

Gideon: :)

Jace smiled at his phone. He kept texting Gideon through the night, because Gideon had insisted. He wanted to make sure Jace was safe. And when it was time for Jace to go to sleep, Gideon sent him a goodnight message that made Jace’s heart soar. Lucky for him, Liliana was too drunk to stay awake long enough to harass him about who he was texting. He slept facing away from Liliana again that night. 

‒

It was 9:30 the next day and Jace had just finished getting ready to meet Gideon at the gym. Liliana wasn't happy, and it made Jace want to go even more. Liliana grabbed his hand just as he was going out the door.

“See you later?” she asked, smiling at Jace. He shook her hand off and kissed her on the cheek.

“Yeah. I’ll see you later,” he said, and left.

 

Jace was surprised to see that Gideon was waiting for him in the lounge of the gym, smiling that smile that made Jace’s stomach fill with butterflies.

“Good evening,” he said. Jace nodded and walked up to him. He had to tilt his head up. Gideon was  _ huge.  _ “I already have your membership started, I just need you to fill out some forms.” So Jace filled out the forms. Gideon took them up to the front when he was finished, and turned around to Jace. 

“It's a few dollars a month, I’ll cover it for you,” Gideon said, vaguely gesturing with his huge, muscled arms, “Since I'm the one who invited you!” Jace blushed again.

“O-oh no I can't let you do that!”

“But I'm doing it.”

“Gideon…”

“Hey, don't worry about it, I love what I do.” Gideon said. His smile was radiant.

Jace looked down and shuffled his feet. “O-okay…”

“Now, let's head over to the room.”

 

The first session with Gideon, Jace admitted, was relieving. He nearly forgot about Liliana and all his troubles, his stress. It felt good to move his body in ways he wasn’t used to, especially with how Gideon guided him. Jace was glad that he wasn't lied to; nothing hurt his body too much. He could even feel himself getting used to it. Throughout the session, they were so focused on movement that they hadn't even thought to talk about anything else. Jace’s favorite part was the cool-off stretches. He felt his body rewarding him, and he knew he would want to return.

“Thank you for offering this to me,” he said, stretching his arms over his head, “I’ll come back again next week, if that's okay with you.”

“Of course! I will be here.” Gideon smiled that brilliant smile. “And if you ever need anything, I'm here for that too.”

Jace felt a strange warmth spread in his chest and it made him smile back at his tall, muscular man. Gideon’s smile widened.

“So, since this is my last session, would you like to go out and meet a friend of mine?” Gideon asked. “He's got an  _ amazing _ show.”

“A show?” Jace tilted his head. “I don't see why not.”

“Great! Come on, then.”

The two of them got changed, Jace put on his jacket, and they walked out the door into the cool night.

  
  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace meets Ral.

Jace and Gideon walked out to the parking lot in front of the gym. It was chilly now. Jace was glad his jacket was lined, and that it was so big on him that his fingers were covered and the pockets of his pants couldn't be seen. Gideon, on the other hand, was just wearing a t-shirt, his muscles still on display. It must’ve been easier for him to stay warm.

Gideon offered to follow Jace home so he could drop off his motorcycle, to which Jace obliged and promise the drive wasn’t too long.

 

Once Jace was parked, he ran out of the three-story parking garage, his helmet still on, and practically threw himself into Gideon’s car.

“You okay? You're out of breath,” said Gideon. He was smiling apologetically.

“Oh yeah I'm fine,” Jace said, breathing hard through his small mouth, “I didn't want to keep you waiting.”

Gideon laughed a little laugh and pat Jace on the back. “It's fine, I'm in no hurry.”

Jace just smiled at Gideon and buckled himself in. “Thanks.”

  
  
  


Jace couldn't close his mouth when they arrived. This was  _ not _ the type of place he was expecting.

“G-Gideon… your friend is a… a stripper?” Jace asked, his feet practically glued to the street. He was staring at the giant pink neon sign hanging above their heads. The place was called  _ Izzet Magic? _ There were pin-up posters of a wide range of gender expressions in every window, covering up the inside of the building. There was  _ no _ way this wasn't a strip club.

“Part-time,” Gideon said with a smile, his hands on his hips. “Oh. Shoot, did I not specify where we were going?”

“Well… I don't think so…” Jace said. He was looking at the ground now, wondering if he had just misheard Gideon before. He started to feel guilt rise up in him.

“Sorry about that. I can take you home, if you want.” Gideon patted Jace’s back. “It's your choice.”

Jace stared at the sign for a few seconds and blinked. “Um, well…” he took a deep breath. “You know what, I'll go. It might be fun, right?”

Gideon smiled. “I promise we can leave at any time, Jace! Your comfort is top priority.”

Jace felt his cheeks heat up again.

 

The two of them walked into the club. Jace was surprised at how classy and  _ fresh _ it looked and felt. He swore it was easier to breathe inside the building than outside. It was divided into four sides, each with a door border around each entrance that was covered in either blue or red string lights. It was beautiful, and Jace couldn't take his eyes off it. He admired the various fancy red and blue lightbulbs that hung from different places of the ceiling. He admitted to himself that he was surprised at the sophisticated-ness of this strip club. He wasn't really paying attention when Gideon paid their way in, and gasped a little when Gideon tugged him by the wrist to a blue area of the club.

“Are you hungry, Jace?” Gideon asked with a smile. Jace nodded. “Then I will treat you to some food.”

“Oh gosh you don't have to do that…” Jace said, shuffling his hands in his pockets. Gideon had already done so much for him today, the last thing Jace wanted was Gideon to spend more money on him.

“Come on now, Jace. This is my treat to you.” Gideon smiled that brilliant smile  _ again. _ He looked like a ray of sunshine.

“If… if you insist.”

Gideon let out a loud, friendly laugh that rumbled so much that Jace could feel it in his own chest. “Good.”

 

They were sitting at a small bar on the side of the room. Jace was eating a very tiny caesar salad. He wondered why Gideon was only eating a fruit cup… He figured maybe he would eat something with a lot of meat and protein. But Jace didn't ask, he didn't want to bother Gideon.

“Is your salad okay?” Gideon asked. Jace jumped a little in his seat-- he wasn't expecting Gideon to ask him that.

“O-oh. Yeah, it's good. Thank you again…”

Gideon just smiled. Jace blinked.

“What about your… your fruit cup?” he asked.

“It's delightful,” Gideon said. He kept smiling, it was so bright and warm. Jace didn't really get it, he wasn't really into melons and grapes.

There was another silence, so they both worked on their food. Jace wondered how early they’d gotten there, considering they had so much time before the show. He looked at the decor again. He loved the different lights and how beautiful it was inside.

Jace took a little longer to finish his salad than Gideon did for his fruit cup, so Gideon started talking to him again.

“Do you need to be home by a certain time, Jace?” he asked.

“Oh-- no. I don't.” Gideon raised an eyebrow, probably because Jace hesitated to say no.

“Are you sure?”

“Uhuh.”

“Well alright then.” 

Jace was very glad Gideon didn't prod him. Within the next few minutes, he was done eating.

“Are you ready to go wait for the show?” he asked.

“Yup, I am.” Jace nodded. Except he wasn't sure if he was ready. He had never seen or been to a strip show before… let alone before he got  _ married _ . Jace thought about getting his phone out and messaging Liliana, but Gideon put an arm around Jace’s shoulders and led him out.

“C’mon,” he said, “Let's find a good place to sit.”

“Right…”

Gideon found a nice place by the stage with a comfortable sofa. Jace sat down next to him gingerly, and as soon as he did a man in  _ very _ short denim shorts practically wheeled over to them with a platter of shot glasses.

“Water? Wine?” he asked. Jace found himself mouth-agape and silent.

“I'll have a glass of water, thank you,” Gideon said to the man, adding a subtle wink. Jace noticed the server go a little shy and swallow, and he suddenly felt a little better about himself.

“Um, I’d like a water too,” said Jace. The server handed each of them a glass and walked away, and though the lights were dim he swore he saw a slight blush on the man’s cheeks.

A few minutes passed and the lights around the two dimmed even further, the stage becoming sexier and brighter by the second. There were now three men on the stage, all fully clothed for now and  _ very  _ handsome. Jace cupped his cheeks in his hands, trying to figure out who Gideon’s friend was.

But then Gideon tapped his shoulder and leaned in close. “He's the one in the middle,” he whispered. Jace got a chill down his spine.  _ I’m married I’m married I’m married _ \--

“O-oh, um, what's his name?” Jace whispered back.

“Ral.”

_ Ral. _

Jace looked this friend over. He wasn't sure if he had long eyelashes or eyeliner or both but either way they were  _ distracting _ . His hair had a few white streaks, pulled back away from his face and spiking out. It was… cute. Jace looked down and played with his thumbs.  _ Shit, Jace, you're married, you're married – _

“Jace, look,” Gideon said. Jace looked up, and one of the guys reached around Ral’s body and pulled off his skin-tight black t-shirt. Jace gulped and kept watching, and soon Ral’s pants were all the way off and he was only in a pair of gray boxers and blue and red high tops.

“I love boxer night,” Gideon said, pressing his chin to his knuckles. Jace couldn't take his eyes off the stage now. He shivered as he witnessed Ral slip his hands under one of the guys’ shirt, while the other worked on the same guy’s pants. Ral licked his upper lip, pressing into his partner’s skin as he rode the shirt up. Once his pants were off, they started doing something similar on the third guy. Jace started to think maybe he should text Liliana, but he couldn't peel his eyes away. His heart was pounding in his chest, and his face felt hot.

Then the three guys split into three different corners of the stage, all facing toward their audience. Jace scooted backward as Ral approached their side and swallowed nothing. Jace hadn't even  _ noticed _ the pole there. Had it been there the whole time? He remembered his water and took a drink.

“Hey cutie,” Ral said, as wrapped one of his legs around the pole, “I've never seen your face before.” He was smiling so brightly, and it reminded Jace of Gideon, causing him to sink deeper into the sofa. Ral grabbed onto the pole, letting his high-topped feet kick off the floor, and he began to spin around it. It was impressive, really, it must have required a  _ lot _ of upper body strength. Eventually he stopped and looked in Gideon’s direction, his eyebrows raised flirtatiously. “ _ Gideon,”  _ he said lowly. Just then, Jace noticed the subtle facial hair that sprinkled just under his nose and around his chin. Jace tried not to think anything of it.

He looked over to Gideon, and he was still smiling, chin in hand. He… he felt guilty. He had admitted that Ral was cute. He had a  _ wife _ and if she had known, who  _ knows _ what she would say or do. He couldn't stand to watch more.

“Uh, Gideon,” he said, leaning over in his friend’s direction, “I'm gonna head to the bathroom.”

“You okay?” he asked, looking so concerned that Jace felt guilty about that, too. He forced a smile and nodded.

“Yeah, I'm fine.”

Gideon offered a reassuring smile and patted his back. “Okay, Jace.”

As Jace started to walk away, Ral called out to him. “Little blue!” he said, “Don't go!” Jace smiled apologetically and walked away. 

“Sorry,” he whispered.

  
  
  


Jace realized he had no idea where the restroom was a little too late. He stroked his cheek with a finger, turning on his toe to try and find where it was. Before he knew it, the server from before appeared in front of Jace, nearly giving him a heart attack.

“Do you need something?” he asked.

“Um, yeah, uh, where’s the bathroom?”

“Right over there, sweetie,” said the server, pointing behind himself. That’s when Jace realized it was  _ obvious _ where the bathrooms were, and he took a deep breath to try not to be so embarrassed. 

“Thank you,” Jace said. He offered a little smile as he walked toward the restrooms.

  
  
  


Jace cradled water in his hands, and splashed it against his face. He kept his hands there for a minute, and breathing as evenly as he could. When he pulled his hands away from his now wet face he began to stare at his ring. He remembered the wedding, the  _ huge _ wedding where he was anxious out of his mind.

He remembered how he had splashed his face with water then, too. It was nearly time to wait for Liliana at the altar, but he was freaking out. He knew  _ nobody _ at the wedding except for his bride to-be, and they were all going to  _ stare _ at him as he walked out, because they sure as hell didn’t know him either. Or maybe they  _ did _ know him, more-so than he knew  _ them _ . He knew Liliana loved to talk, especially to the other models. He remembered he got the white collar of his shirt wet when he did so, and with a filled capacity of anxiety Jace tried to dry it very quickly.

He remembered he started to cry.

But that was okay, right? It  _ was _ an emotional day, after all, and Jace knew a lot of people cried at their weddings.  _ But Liliana will see through me,  _ he thought,  _ she’ll surely question me. _

When Jace looked up from his hands and into the mirror, he realized that he had started to cry.  _ Fuck. _ He got a paper towel wet and pressed it against his eyes, hoping he’d stop. He didn’t know  _ why _ he was crying, he’s got a new friend now, on top of the wife he already had. Shouldn’t he be happy…? 

The paper towel hadn’t worked. Jace was still crying. He decided to try and use his hands, and eventually he found himself leaving the bathroom. He curled up next to the door. He begged the universe to  _ not _ let Gideon see him. Not like this.

  
  
  


Sometimes the universe  _ knows _ what’s good for you, even if you demand the opposite of what it drops in your lap. In other words, Gideon showed up in front of the bathroom.

“Jace!” he said, crouching down to Jace’s level, “What’s wrong, buddy? Oh God, you’re crying… Come here.” Gideon wrapped his arms around Jace, picking him up in the process. This didn’t help Jace stop crying. In fact, the opposite occurred. He cried big tears into Gideon’s shoulder, and he was carried away. Jace had no idea where they were going, but he was glad Gideon was there for him. He… had learned to trust Gideon.

_ Trust. _

A couple minutes passed. Gideon had been rubbing his back gently as he carried him, and Jace continued to cry quietly against his big shoulder. Gideon’s hair smelled nice, too, Jace noticed, as a few long strands touched his smooth cheeks.

“Gideon… I want to get drunk.”

“No, you don’t. I’m going to get you some more water.”

“But…”

“No alcohol. You’re going to be okay. Do you want to go outside?”

Jace nodded against that muscular shoulder, taking in its warmth.

“Alright. I’m going to let Ral know, he comes with me after his show, is that okay?”

Jace just nodded again. On the way out, he heard Gideon talking to the server again, but Jace didn’t hear much. He was almost asleep against Gideon, he was so warm, and crying made Jace sleepy. He mostly woke up when Gideon took him out the doors, the cold breeze blowing against his face. He didn’t want to let go when Gideon put him on a bench, but he was satisfied when he sat next to him.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Gideon asked. Jace’s heart twisted in his chest, and he frowned at his feet.

“Nn… No…” Jace said. He bit his lip, shoving his hands deep into his pockets.

“Hm… How about another hug, then?” Gideon asked. Jace nodded, still looking at the ground. His heart tightened again, and he felt his eyes swell up. But when Gideon wrapped his big arms around Jace again, he felt safe. “Just let me know if you want to go home, or anything.”

“No,” said Jace suddenly. He regretted it immediately. What would Gideon think of that?

“Oh.” There was a pause. “Would you like to stay over at my place?”

Jace hesitated for a little bit. “You… you mean it? You’d let me?”

Gideon laughed quietly, and Jace imagined his smile. His heart started beating faster and he squeezed his friend tighter. “Of course I would. You’re my new friend, but spending time with you is important to me. I look forward to getting to know you, Jace.”

“Y-you do?”

“You bet!” Gideon said. “And I’m here for you, if you need anything at all.”

“Thank you,” Jace whispered.

They stayed there for a while. Jace eventually dozed off, still in Gideon's arms. He was cozy  _ and  _ warm, after all, how could he resist?

  
  
  


“Jace, buddy, c’mon, Ral’s here.”

Jace still had his eyes closed, but he was awake now. He stayed there, face in Gideon's shoulder, and groaned a little. He was tired.

“You're awake, good. I'll carry you out to the car.”

“Mhm…”

“Hold on.”

Jace held on tight and kept his eyes closed as Gideon carried him. He felt like nothing could hurt him, not while Gideon was holding him. 

“How was the rest of your show, Ral?”

“It was good fun, as always.”

Gideon laughed, and Jace could feel it against his chest. It warmed his core. “I'm glad.”

Jace didn't focus on the rest of the conversation. His mind was a blur, and so were Gideon and Ral’s voices as they walked out to the car. Jace couldn't think about  _ anything _ .

Gideon helped Jace into the shotgun seat, buckling him in. Had he been more awake, Jace would have questioned this decision. He began to fall asleep again, and in his dreams Gideon was carrying him some more.

He hoped Gideon would carry him again soon.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace goes home with Gideon.

Jace was very lucky. Because when he woke up, Gideon was carrying him again. He relaxed and kept his eyes closed. He felt the air change as they went into Gideon's home, and he groaned again when Gideon sat him down.

“You alright, buddy?”

“Gideon, mm tired.”

“We know, little blue,” was Ral’s voice. Jace rubbed his face and yawned, leaning over until he was laying against the plush couch.

Jace felt his phone fall out of his pocket, but he didn't care to pick it up. Instead, he kept his eyes closed and snuggled against the couch.

“Uh, little blue? Your phone… it's…”

“Oh goodness, it's lighting up like crazy. Someone's calling you.”

“Mhm…” said Jace. He was falling asleep again.

“Jace, maybe you should answer it.”

“It's getting another call…”

“Jace.”

“Fine, gimme…” he said. He uncurled a hand, and he felt his phone land on top of it. He opened his eyes and answered the call, then immediately closed them again. “Mm what?”

“Jace, why on  _ Earth _ aren't you home?”

“I'm at a friend's house…” 

“Oh  _ please _ , Jace, I'm your only friend! Try again. Tell me why you aren't home.”

“Who is this…?” Jace asked. When he got a response, he immediately felt stupid and woke up completely.

“Your  _ wife,”  _ Liliana snapped. Jace immediately jumped up and shoved past Gideon and Ral to go outside. They looked shocked and concerned, but they only watched as Jace exited. “How could you not know the voice of your own wife?!”

“I-I’m  _ sorry _ Liliana, I--”

“You never answer my texts  _ or _ calls! It's unacceptable. Are you  _ drinking _ without me?”

“No, that's not it, I'm--”

“Who are these friends, anyway? Are they  _ women?” _

“Liliana, I--”

“Whatever. Come home right now.”

“But, Liliana, I  _ told _ them I’d-”

“Are you choosing your new friends over your  _ wife _ , Jace?”

“N-no! Don't say that…”

“Then I'll see you soon.”

And then Liliana hung up on him.

“F-fuck…”

Jace leaned back against the wall, slid down to the floor, and curled up, his knees against his chest. He felt nothing for a good minute, but as he started to feel the presence of his band around his finger, he started to cry. He sniffled and breathed in the cold air, shoving his face against his knees.

He stayed outside for a long time, crying against his knees and listening to the sound of frogs. He probably  _ should _ go home, but he didn't want to face Liliana. Not with how she talked to him on the phone.

“Jace?”  _ Fuck _ . It was Gideon's voice.  _ Not now. _ “Are you okay, little buddy?” Jace froze in place, hoping Gideon would go away.  _ Don't look at me. _

Gideon must have noticed that Jace was crying, because he wrapped an arm around him and rubbed his back.

“Are you sure you don't want to talk?”

Jace looked at Gideon,  _ begging _ him for an answer with his eyes alone. What  _ should _ he do? Stay here and fuel Liliana with more anger? Go home and face her as she was? He didn't want to do either… He wanted to run far away.

“Alright, um… Can you tell me who was on the phone?” Jace's eyes widened a little. Would Gideon lead him to the answer? A sliver of hope clung to Jace's heart.

“M-my wife…”

“Can you tell me what she said?”

Jace paused. He wondered what he should say. If he told him too much, he wasn't sure what Gideon was going to tell him. He didn't  _ want _ to hear that Liliana was… he didn't know. But if he told him too little, Gideon would question him. He’d been crying, after all.

“Uh, she… wants me to come home,” Jace managed. He took a deep breath, looking at Gideon, his eyes welled up with tears, pondering…

“Earlier, you said you  _ didn't _ want to go home. Is that true?” Gideon was looking at Jace with concern, and his heart was flying.

“Y-yeah.”

“Does she know?”

“I… didn't get a chance to say it…”

“Oh…”

“I-I don't know what she's gonna do if I'm not home soon…”

“Then Ral and I will come along.”

“Y-you would…?” Jace stared for a bit, and then he started to smile through his tears. “Thank you…”

Gideon hugged Jace again, and he felt his troubles melt away.

But they did not disappear.

 

“Who are you?” Liliana asked Gideon and Ral. She was hugging Jace so tight that he worried for his ribcage.

“I’m Gideon. Jace is a friend of mine.”

“And I'm Ral. Acquaintance.”

Liliana nodded as Jace wiggled out of her arms. He walked over to his friends.

“Um, I'll see you guys later. Thanks for taking me home…”

Gideon smiled gently at him. “Later, buddy.” He ruffled Jace’s hair, and Jade leaned into it.

“Bye…”

And then they were gone. Liliana was standing expectantly.

“What on Earth was that, Jace?” she asked, bringing his head into her chest. She was _too_ tall in her heels for Jace's liking. He backed away and turned around to face her.

“What was  _ what _ ?” he asked. Liliana pouted.

“Oh  _ Jace _ , I really do miss you, you know, when you're away.”

“Liliana, this is the first time I've been ‘away' for a long time.”

“Well… you know…”

“No, I don't know. Care to explain?”

“Not  _ really _ …” she said, “But does it really matter? We’re together now, why don't we…”

“Go to sleep?”

“Well… Not what I had in mind…”

“Well  _ I’m  _ going to bed,” Jace said, crossing his arms over his chest.

He walked over to their bedroom. They didn't talk for the rest of the night.

Jace couldn't resist texting Gideon goodnight, though.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace and Gideon go to the park.

It was finally the weekend. A few days had passed since Jace met Ral and  _ almost _ stayed over at Gideon’s. It was late, late,  _ late _ on Saturday night (or perhaps Sunday morning) and Jace was laying on the ground, reading a new book. He was also solving a metal puzzle. In short, he was intellectually distracted.

He hadn't heard Liliana's voice until her feet appeared in front of his face.

“ _ Jace _ . You're not in bed.”

“And you are?” Jace asked. He flipped the page of his book, continuing to read. Liliana sighed dramatically. Jace assumed she rolled her eyes too, it made him shake his head.

“Come  _ on _ , Jace.”

“Can't you sleep without me?”

Liliana just groaned. “You don't get it, do you?”

“Nope.”

“I can't believe you would choose a book over me.”

“Liliana, that doesn't even make sense!” Jace shoved his face into the pages. “Lili, I love you… But I need time for myself.”

“I don't understand.”

“ _ And _ I need time with my friends.”

“Jace, you never  _ had _ friends before this.”

“I… I know that…”

“And I’ve  _ always _ been here for you.”

“Yeah… I guess…”

“So come to bed with me.”

“No.” Jace stood up, taking his puzzle and book with him. “I'm going outside.  _ Don't _ follow me.”

“Well don't do  _ that, _ silly… Come here.” Liliana opened her arms to him. At first Jace was angry, but when he saw the look on Liliana's face, he couldn't resist. He walked toward her.

He wasn't expecting her to kiss him, squeezing him too tight around his ribs. He felt like he couldn’t  _ breathe _ . He tugged on the back of her camisole, trying to get her off of him. She tasted like smoke, she tasted like cinnamon… Jace’s back muscles were tense.

He was finally able to pull back from Liliana’s grip, wiping the drool from his lips. She smirked at him, her lipstick barely smeared. It was like an insult. Jace looked at the ground. He wondered  _ why _ . How come he felt that way when his wife kissed him?

“You’re so  _ cute _ ,” she said. He shivered as she pet his cheek.

But he said nothing.

“Come now, let’s go to bed.”

“... Okay.”

Jace stared at the ceiling for a very long time before he fell asleep.

  
  
  


Jace rolled out of bed as soon as he woke up in order to avoid Liliana’s deathly pale hands and her breath against his neck that was sure to come. He looked at his phone.

_ New iMessage 8:32 AM Gideon “Hey, are you free today?” _

Jace’s heart began to race as he unlocked his phone to text back. He hadn't seen Gideon since Friday afternoon when he got his daily chai, and he mentally admitted he missed him. They had only been friends for a short time, but every second was worth it.

_ “yes, I’m free.” _

_ “There's somewhere I want to take you today. Just get dressed and have a snack, I want to treat you to breakfast.” _

_ “how many times do you want to ‘treat' me?” _

_ “As long as we’re friends.” _

_ “c:” _

_ “When can I come get you?” _

_ “in 20.” _

Jace got ready as quickly as possible, while also looking somewhat decent. He ate some carrot sticks for a snack, got dressed, brushed his hair and teeth. He had a few stray hairs sticking up in a place he could barely reach, but he just sighed and moved on. Gideon would be there shortly.

Jace watched out the window like a puppy waiting for its owner to come home while he waited for Gideon. He couldn't wait to see him again.

Gideon showed up only a few minutes later, and Jace felt himself smiling uncontrollably. He grabbed all of his items and ran out the door. His timing was great, because Gideon was standing next to his car and Jace practically lept into him face-first for a hug.

His loud laugh rumbled through Jace again. “I'm so happy you're here,” Jace said, his voice muffled by his friend's huge chest. Gideon hugged him back gently, and Jace sighed quietly.

“I'm happy to be here,” Gideon said. He released Jace, patted him on the shoulder, and opened the door for him. Jace buckled himself in and waited. He’d forgotten to talk to Liliana again.

  
  
  


They had arrived at Gideon’s place. It looked a lot different in the morning, Jace thought, and he hadn't noticed the daisies growing all around before. They went inside, and Gideon lead him to the kitchen.

“Sit anywhere you like” he said. Jace made himself comfortable on a stool by a bar. “What would you like for breakfast? Pancakes? A smoothie?”

Jace suddenly felt overwhelmed. He wasn't expecting Gideon to make him food at all. He blinked rapidly, nervous. But that calming smile made him relax.

“I was going to make both, if you’d like to share?”

Jace nodded gingerly, still feeling guilt that Gideon had done so much for him. 

Gideon made the food, and it was fascinating to watch. Jace noticed that he hadn't used  _ any _ milk, and he was shocked. He wondered what everything would taste like. Eventually Gideon was passing Jace a plate with the fluffiest pancakes he’d ever seen, with a very pink smoothie on the side. Gideon had spread strawberries all over the pancakes, and Jace was ready to melt into a pile of joy.

He stabbed one of the pancakes with a fork, lifting a piece into his mouth. It was the best pancake he’d ever tried! His eyes went wide and he even shot his legs out in excitement. “Gideon!” he said, his mouth half-full, “Gideon, these are the best pancakes. I don't know how you did it without milk.”

Gideon was drinking his smoothie when he started laughing, and he nearly spit it out. He met eyes with Jace, who worried he was going to melt right into his seat. “I’m glad to hear you like vegan pancakes,” he said. 

“Oh, you’re  _ vegan _ ! Everything makes sense now.”

“Hm? Like what?”

“You ate a fruit cup at the strip club,” Jace said, gesturing vaguely with a finger pointed up at the ceiling. He was kind of smug now, having figured out Gideon's diet. “And sometimes, at the coffee shop, you look uncomfortable when you pour milk in an order.”

Gideon looked slightly uncomfortable. Jace leaned in and grinned at him. “Is that right?”

“Wow… I didn't realize you’d been paying that much attention!”

“I love puzzles,” Jace said. He took another huge bite.

“Hm.” Gideon was leaning in now, a passive smile on his face and his chin in his hand. “That's cute.”

Jace felt his face go very, very hot. He nearly choked on his pancake.

  
  
  


Jace was very full after breakfast. He was sleepy because of it in Gideon’s car, but he was full of energy at the same time. It was confusing, but he was happy. Gideon looked over at him and smiled.

“You seem sleep deprived,” he said. Jace sunk back into his heated seat, keeping his hands in his pockets.

“I'm  _ always _ sleep deprived.”

“But I think it's different this time. Are you okay?” Gideon glanced at Jace, who had sunk further into the seat. “Rough night?”

“Yeah…”

“Aw. Well, let's have fun today, okay?”

“Okay,” Jace said quietly.

  
  
  


Finding a parking spot was hell, but Gideon and Jace were jaded from previous experience. Gideon drove around for a while, and Jace started to fall asleep again.

Jace suddenly felt Gideon’s hand on his shoulder, and he slowly opened his eyes. “Hey, let's get out now.”

“Mhm.” Jace rubbed his eyes with his fists, and got out of the car.

Gideon got his ticket at the front, stuck it into his wallet, and they exited the lot.

“Where are we headed?” Jace asked, leaning toward Gideon with his hands inside his pockets.

“You’ll see.”

Jace pouted, his lips shifting.

The two of them walked up a smooth cement sidewalk that went up a hill. They passed some apartment complexes, a grocery store, a liquor store. Nothing really worth looking at. It was quiet. The wind was warm. Jace found his eyes wandering, and before he knew it he was following the length of Gideon’s arm; his shoulder, the muscles in his upper arm, his forearm… his hand. He noticed a few colorful woven bracelets around his wrist. Friendship bracelets? Jace felt his heart drop a little in his chest.  _ He _ wanted to make one for Gideon too. 

He tried to shake that thought out of his head.

“This way,” said Gideon, and they turned right. They walked further along the road. The two of them eventually found themselves at a park. Jace was baffled.

“I didn't know there was a park here,” he said. 

“It's new.” Gideon walked past the sign, heading along the trail. Jace had to run a little to catch up with his tall friend.

The two of them walked on the dirt path, their legs nearly in sync when Jace started to walk a little faster, and Gideon started to walk a little slower. Eventually, they made it to a dock by the water. Gideon sat down first, taking off his sandals and setting them aside. Jace plopped down next to him, shifting a little when their legs slightly touched.

“Hey, Gideon…” Jace said slowly. He hoped, for a second, that he couldn't be heard.

“What's up, buddy?” Gideon asked. He put his feet in the water, but his full attention was on Jace.

“Um…” Jace looked up at him, his eyes wide and vulnerable. “I’m really glad you're my friend,” he said. He felt his cheeks warm up again. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d told someone that. 

Gideon’s gentle smile afterward didn't help the rosey business at all. “You’re so sweet, Jace.” He wrapped his arms around Jace’s waist, pressing their heads together.

“No, Gideon, I would argue that  _ you’re _ sweet.”

Gideon just hummed. Jace felt it on his temples.

“So.” Gideon made eye contact with Jace, his face very calm and collected, everything that Jace so  _ wasn’t _ right now. “Would you like to come over tonight?”

Jace felt his heart race. He  _ wanted _ to so, so badly. But… “I-I can’t.”

Gideon’s smile seemed to melt from his face. “Oh…”

“L-Liliana, she’ll…” Jace’s voice was quivering. He started curling in on himself, feeling smaller and smaller. He wanted to disappear. If he couldn’t spend time with Gideon, what was the point? He was so unhappy at home, he could just die.

“Do you want to talk about her?” Gideon had his arm wrapped around Jace’s shoulders, pulling him in tight and close.

“W-what…?” Jace lifted his chin. His gaze and Gideon’s were locked now.

“Do you want to talk about Liliana?” Gideon was calm and kind, and Jace was breaking. He wanted to cry.

Jace had never even  _ thought _ of talking about Liliana before. His mind was focused on avoiding her. Avoiding his phone throughout the day, avoiding thinking about her, avoiding going home to her.

But perhaps Gideon was right. Maybe he should talk about it. What good could keeping it inside possibly do for him?

“Sure, I’ll… I’ll talk about Liliana.”

“So, if you’re willing to tell me… What would Liliana do if you came home late again, or tomorrow?” Gideon asked. He moved a strand of hair out of Jace’s face.

“I-I dunno…” Jace looked off at the water. “I just know what’s happened before.”

“Then you can start there,” Gideon said.

“Well… I didn’t really go out before. I didn’t… Really have friends…” Jace buried his face into his knees, squeezing his eyes shut.  _ How embarrassing. _

“It’s okay,” said Gideon, “Making friends isn’t all that easy.”

Jace nodded, and lifted his head again to rest it on his knees. “She got mad when she found out I was hanging out with you and Ral.”

Gideon nodded. “And what happened?”

“We had an argument… I wasn’t having it though, and just went to bed. Luckily nothing else happened…”

Neither of them could speak for what felt like an entire minute.

“Has something else happened before…”

“...Yeah. Things have happened.”

Jace stood up, his hands deep in his pockets, his eyes focused on the blue water and sky. He wasn’t ready to talk. No, he loved Liliana too much to tell Gideon what she’d done. 

“I won’t push you any further,” Gideon said. He stood up, towering over Jace as he always did. “How about we look around for a while?”

The two of them remained at the park for the next couple of hours. Jace loved the beach, he loved the trail, he loved being at the park with Gideon. And before it all, Jace felt his heart slowly opening.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace gets sick, and only wants Gideon to help him feel better.

It was Thursday, and Jace was feeling absolutely awful. He was sweating way too much, but without a blanket he felt horribly cold. He wanted to keep his eyes shut; the world was too bright! He groaned and turned in the blanket until his left leg was sticking out, the rest of his body under the blanket, aside from his face.  _ I should probably stay home today. _

“Gideooon,” he cried, “Water! I need water!”

The only response was Liliana growling. “ _ Gideon’s  _ not here,” she said. “Just your  _ wife, _ Jace. No Gideons.”

“Go away,” he said, “Go away Liliana. Don’t bring me water.”

“You’ve gone insane,” she said roughly. But she didn’t leave. She stood there silently, and Jace could feel her watching him. He buried his face under the blanket.

She did leave eventually, the loud sound of her heels clicking behind her, and slamming the door loudly. Jace sighed in relief. Now was time to call Gideon.

 

“Jace! What’s up, buddy?”

“Gideon, I need water.”

“Huh?”

“Water.”

“Jace, you sound terribly sick.”

“Gideon, I’m gonna die if you don’t come over…”

Jace sounded completely serious. He even started to sniffle a little, and he rolled in his bed.

“I’m gonna die, and then I can’t see you anymore…”

“Give me fifteen minutes.”

“What if I die?”

“Stay alive for me, okay?”

“I’ll try…”

“Good. See you soon.”

 

Jace heard the front door open, and he rolled out of bed, blankets and all. He crawled to his bedroom door and opened it. He lied on the ground, waiting for Gideon.

But it wasn’t Gideon’s voice he heard first.

“Why are you here?”  _ Oh no, Liliana is still home… _

“Jace said he needed me.”  _ Gideon! Gideon is here! _

“Oh, well, he’s delusional right now. The poor sweet thing is sick again…”

Jace called out. “Gideooon! Help, I’m gonna die…”

“Did you hear that? Crazy little creature,” Liliana laughed with uncertainty and nervousness. “I can take care of him myself, if you’d–”

“Excuse me.”

Jace heard heavy footsteps approaching him on the ground. All of the sudden he was in the air, held only by his big friend’s hands.

“Gideon.” Jace sounded out of breath. “You’re here!” Gideon smiled at him.

“Excuse _ me. _ ”

It was Liliana. Jace flinched in Gideon’s hands. Gideon put him down and stood in front of him, facing Liliana. He said nothing to her.

“Jace, come out. Talk to me.”

Jace said nothing either. He squeezed the back of Gideon’s shirt tightly. 

“Jace.”

“Lili–”

“I need a moment alone with Jace, Gideon.”

Gideon stood very still,  _ almost like a statue_, Jace thought. A guilt rose in Jace’s chest. He didn’t want Gideon to be responsible. So he let go of his shirt, and walked around him. 

“Okay, Liliana. Let’s talk.”

They went into their bedroom, and for a while Jace just stared at the ground and waited for Liliana to say  _ something. _ He waited and waited, and now he wanted nothing more than to be next to Gideon again.

“Why do you need  _Gideon_ to care for you, darling?”

She waited for an answer. Jace was about to speak, but–

“What,” she laughed, “do you want him to cradle you to sleep and bring you breakfast in bed?”

Jace felt his cheeks and ears go bright red. If he answered honestly, Jace was afraid Liliana would hit him. So he stayed quiet.

“You know darling, I can do all that for you, and more.” She reached for his chin, her red nails poking slightly into his cheeks. Jace was too weak to say anything.

“I-I’m sorry…” Jace’s eyes started to well up, and he squeezed the blanket around him. He felt like he couldn’t move.

“Oh, well don’t  _cry._ Silly Jace. I’m the one who’s upset here.”

Jace went quiet again, and his eyes welled up even more. “T-then how can I make this better, Lili? I love you, I don’t want to make you mad…”

“Send Gideon home, and get in bed with me.”

Jace lost balance, and fell backward.

“I-is that…?”

“The only way? Yes.”

Jace gulped and got up again.

He walked out of the bedroom. Gideon was silent, and so was he. They wrapped their arms around each other. Jace felt him squeeze him tight. He gulped. 

“You have to go,” He whispered. “I-I’ll be okay on my own.”

He hoped that wouldn’t be a lie.

“Just… Just call me, okay, if you need anything,” Gideon said softly.

“ _Jace.”_

“Bye, Gideon,” Jace said. He pushed Gideon’s chest as lightly as possible, guiding him toward the door. He shot him a sad smile before Gideon left, with the most hesitance Jace had ever seen.  _I’ll miss you_. 

And then Liliana pulled him back into their bedroom, and he reached for the door.  _ Please come back… _

  
  
  
  


Jace was very naked under the covers now. His cheek was  _killing_ him, his body was too warm. He still had a fever. What had just happened was too much. His vision was blurring, he felt heavy, like he’d never move again. He wanted to cry, to sob, to run away, but it was if he was paralyzed. And God  _forbid_ Liliana come out of the shower any time soon. 

_ Where’s my phone…?  _

Jace flailed his arms around. He felt pathetic. Were his arms even attached to his body anymore? Were his hands there? He felt limp. He felt nothing.

He either wanted death to find him, or Gideon.

  
  
  



	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chandra and Nissa have Gideon over for lunch.

Chandra was having the best morning ever.

She’d woken up next to her wife, who looked so pretty, smiling in her sleep. Chandra pushed a brown strand of hair from her wife’s face, and leaned in to kiss her on the forehead.

“Nissa,” she said. “Nissa, hey, wake up.”

“Hm… Oh, Chandra…”

Chandra watched her wake up, a big smile across her lips. When she was fully awake, she leaned in and pressed her gentle lips to Chandra’s fiery cheek. She smiled, her eyes arcing happily. “You look so beautiful with the light behind your hair and skin like that,” she said. She reached for Chandra’s red hair, petting it along her head.

“You always notice artsy things,” Chandra said.

Nissa just laughed quietly. Her smile went even more gentle than it was before, and she put her hand against Chandra’s belly.

“So when are we going to announce… this?” she asked.

Chandra laughed, way calmer and quieter than she would normally. “I guess I’ll need to soon.” She pressed her forehead against Nissa’s, and grabbed for her hands. “If I don’t, they’re all going to figure it out! Don’t you think that would be so unfair?”

Nissa giggled, her cool laugh so refreshing and breezy. “And who will you tell first?”

“Hm… I’ll tell Gideon today! He’ll be the first to guess if I don’t.”

“Let’s invite him for lunch,” said Nissa. She gently pulled on Chandra’s cheek. “We should get dressed and have breakfast. What would you like?”

Chandra grinned widely. “Naked breakfast.”

Nissa began to laugh, and it was Chandra’s favorite song. “To eat, my love, to eat.”

But Chandra only wiggled her eyebrows at Nissa.

“Chandra!” Nissa couldn’t get ahold of herself. She was laughing so much that her green eyes began to water.

“Hehe! Your laugh is  _amazing_ , Nissa.”

And Nissa was still laughing.

“I can’t resist you like that!”

Chandra began to kiss away at her wife’s cheeks and neck, focusing all of her energy there. Meanwhile, Nissa giggled away as she tried to send Gideon a text message to invite him over for lunch.

_ “Woulkd you li ke to come over for lunch?” _

_ “I’d love to. Are you okay?” _

“ _ I ajm perfgectly fine.  _

_ Chandra iss o dear to me.” _

_ “:)” _

“Chandra, my goodness, do not use all of your energy right now!”

“I go down kissing my beautiful wife!”

“But we really must eat!”

  
  


Nissa ended up cooking a big meal for the both of them. Chandra practically drooled when her wife handed her a plate with eggs, sausages, hash browns, and pancakes with whipped cream and strawberries. She dug right in, practically shoving a sausage into her mouth.

“Fank you Nissha!” she said. Her mouth was full of food. Nissa just smiled, and ate her own food much more peacefully. 

 

A few hours later, they were finally dressed, not just in robes and slippers, and they had cleaned the house enough to have a guest over. Chandra was lying down on the couch, her wife artfully making sandwiches in the kitchen. Her phone buzzed.

_ “I’m here.” _

She grinned at her phone, and shouted to Nissa. “Hey, Gideon’s here! I’m gonna let him in!”

Nissa laughed her quiet laugh again. “Go for it, my dear.”

Chandra rose from her spot and headed over to the door. She opened it up and smiled widely at her tall, muscular friend.

“Gaydeon!”

Gideon grimaced. “Please never call me that again.”

Nissa snorted in the distance.

Chandra was completely smug. “Come right in.” She gestured to her open home. Gideon entered reluctantly, ducking underneath the doorway as he came in. They walked to the kitchen, where Nissa was making food.

“What’s for lunch?” said Gideon. He leaned over to look. Chandra snaked her arms around her wife’s.

“I’ve made sandwiches, multiple salads, grapefruit juice, and some rice. All vegan, of course!” She smiled at Gideon, leaning her cheek against Chandra’s head. “I’m almost done.”

“Thank you so much, Nissa. Do you need any help with that?”

“Oh, no need! Treat yourself to some juice.”

 

The three of them were eating lunch, laughing and talking when Chandra suddenly stood up. She was smiling widely. Nissa knew what was coming, so she held Chandra’s hand.

Gideon looked at her, confusion in his eyes, almost worry. He waited for Chandra to say something.

“Gideon, there's something I want you to know.”

“What is it?” Gideon asked. He looked so hopeful.

“I’m going to have a baby,” she said. There were tears in her eyes now. Nissa squeezed her hand. Gideon’s face went from complete shock to pure happiness.

“Oh! Congratulations!” He said. He went around the table to hug Chandra gently. She hugged him back, and they stayed there for a little while.

“Oh thank you, Gideon,” she said. Gideon nodded, and let her go. He went back around to get in his seat.

“When’s the baby due?” he asked. He took a sip of the pink juice, watching Chandra and Nissa with intent.

“Early December,” Chandra said. She wolfed down the rest of a sandwich.

Gideon just nodded, smiling and putting his hand to his face.

“ _What_ ?” 

“Hm?” Gideon asked. 

“Is something on your mind? You look weird.”

Gideon looked horribly offended. “Excuse me?” A wave of realization went over him. “Oh.”

“So there  _is_ something on your mind! I knew it!”

“What? No…”

“Liar.”

“Now Chandra…” It was Nissa.

“No, she’s right… I've been worried about something for a while,” he admitted.

“What’s that?”

“My new friend.”

“A new friend? Who!” Chandra demanded.

“His name's Jace. He works at the--”

“What an edgy name.”

“-- bookstore.” Gideon looked at Chandra blankly. She smirked.

“Let him continue, sweetheart,” said Nissa, urging Gideon to smile thankfully.

“I'm thinking his wife is up to no good… at least from what I saw.”

“What do you mean?” asked Nissa.

“She doesn't like when Jace hangs out during the night with other people.”

“Maybe he's a serial cheater!”

“ _ Chandra.” _

“No-- it's not like that… Jace is a really lonely guy. I don't think he has other friends…”

“Could still be a serial cheater.”

“You're not helping.”

Chandra shrugged vaguely.

“Jace is an absolute  _sweetheart_ , if that'll convince you.”

Chandra's eyes lit up. “Is he cute?”

Gideon’s face and hands went stiff, and slowly, a light pink dusting rose through his cheeks. “Um,” he paused. He reached into his pocket, and pulled out his phone. He unlocked it, and put it on the table.

She looked at Gideon right in the eyes. “You already had a picture of him up on your phone.”

Gideon coughed. “Wh--”

“Chandra's right, it was just on the screen.”

The pink on Gideon's cheeks leaned more red now. “W-Well, I mean…”

“You must think he's  _really cute._ Lemme see!” said Chandra, reaching wildly for the phone. Gideon pushed it to her the rest of the way, and she snatched it. 

Gideon's expression grew more flustered the longer Chandra looked. She zoomed in, nodded at the phone, cracked a grin. 

“He's  _adorable,”_ she said. Nissa smiled at the screen. “Wait! Wait wait wait. Waaaait.”

“I'm waiting…” said Gideon, trying his darndest to be patient.

“Don't tell me you're trying to  _homewreck_ , Gideon!”

“ _Chandra!”_

“Excuse me?” Gideon broke the plastic fork in his hand. “No, what! It's not like that. It isn't.”

“Okay, I'm sorry… What worries you? Sometimes, in my book, homewrecking’s alright,” said Chandra.

“Chandra…”

“Uh… Okay, what about his wife upsets you?”

“Well…” Gideon took a deep breath. He pressed his palms against his eyes. “She… _controls_ him.”

“What do you mean?” asked Nissa.

“She doesn't let him stay out late, she doesn't like when he has friends over… And I've noticed he doesn't like to answer her calls or text her. I think it's more than him ignoring her, I just feel it…” 

“Have you seen them interact?”

“It seems like he's… like he's  _afraid_ of her. He hid behind me the other day when she told him to talk to her.”

“And how do ya feel when it happens, Gideon?” asked Chandra.

“I…” Gideon looked thoughtful, like something just hit him. “I just wish there was more I could do.”

“What about when you and Jace are alone?” asked Nissa. Chandra leaned in.

Gideon was silent, and he looked uncomfortable in his seat. He took a drink of the grapefruit juice instead of answering.

“Nissa, it's so obvious,” said Chandra. “He's in _love._ ”

Gideon dropped his glass.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace realizes what he truly wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! oh boy, we're getting to the end of part one. i hope you're enjoying it so far!
> 
> when you're getting into this chapter, please be aware of a couple of things. firstly, there is talk of a suicidal attempt, unsuccessful, but nonetheless, worth mentioning. secondly, there is a description of rape. it doesn't get explicit, but having trauma myself, i know it can be very helpful to have a warning.
> 
> however, there is good news! everything becomes much less dark from here on out. there will be a lot of fluff. if you have questions about the future parts, please let me know!
> 
>  
> 
> **EDIT: there have been MAJOR changes to this chapter, please read them!!**

Gideon was too good to hate Chandra for what she’d said, but that didn't mean it didn't tear him to pieces. He couldn't stop _thinking_ about it now. The idea that he was in love with Jace… it made him shiver. He didn't dare ask himself if he was. He still worried for Jace, too. He hadn't seen him all week… Was he still sick? What was Liliana doing to him? Gideon had never been so anxious in his life. He nearly ruined a customer’s drink just thinking about it.

But then Jace came through the doors, and Gideon froze in place. He watched his friend sluggishly walk to the counter. He noticed the dark circles under his eyes, the tenseness in his shoulders. He noticed Jace breathing through his open lips, his uneven balance… And then Gideon was catching him as he fell toward him.

“Oh my God. Jace…!”

Jace was shaking in Gideon's arms, his ribs pressed deep against the counter. He squeezed Gideon's apron. Gideon felt something hot and wet against his shoulder. _Tears._

“Gideon, I need…” Jace was so quiet, Gideon could barely hear him.

“Gideon? What's going on?” asked Gideon's manager.

“My friend passed out. Is it alright if I head out early? I’ll make up for it later.”

“Oh my gosh, don't even worry about that, just go!”

Gideon nodded, carefully pulling Jace over the counter and putting him up on his back. Jace squeezed and squeezed, hiding his face against Gideon's shoulder. “I need…” he whispered. “Gideon…”

_Nissa, it's so obvious. He's in love!_

Gideon shook his head. Now wasn't the time to remember what his friend had said. Now was the time to get Jace to safety. He took him outside the café, and they sat on a bench by the door. He got out his phone. "I'm going to call 911, okay?" he asked.

Jace shook his head, a little whine escaping his mouth. "No, no, no, please don't..." he said, begging. "If Liliana finds out... S-she'll..."

Gideon didn't know what to do. His hands were shaking. No matter what he did, this would be bad. Really bad. Jace would be in trouble no matter what. "Jace, buddy, you need to go to the hospital... Look at you, you're... You've collapsed, Jace, I--"

"N-no really, I'm... I'm fine. Please don't. Liliana will be angry... she might... she might hit me," Jace said. He buried his face deeper into Gideon's shoulder.

Gideon took a deep breath, covering his face with his hands. "Ah... alright... At least let me take you somewhere safe," Gideon said.

Jace nodded.

 

Gideon carried his friend to a park nearby. He rested him against a tree, letting him rest his head against the coffee shop’s apron. Jace looked so empty, and so scared. He just watched Gideon, his teeth pressed together and his lips open.

They sat in complete silence for what felt like minutes, just looking at each other and breathing. Eventually, Gideon knew he should say something to Jace.

“Jace, say something to me, buddy…”

Jace looked down, and suddenly his face was against Gideon's shoulder again.

“... wanted to die.”

“Jace…”

Gideon wrapped his arms tightly around his friend, inhaling the pleasant smell of his soft hair.

“... sleeping pills…”

Gideon held him tighter, and even squeezed him now. Jace was hurting so _badly_ , and he wasn't there for him. He should have called. He should have stayed.

“... hallucinations…”

Gideon was crying now. He was lucky that Jace was here with him right now. He was lucky to see Jace again. He was suffering silently, and Gideon didn't take him seriously enough. He should have. He should have.

“Jace… Jace, why did you come to me?”

Gideon couldn't stop his tears. His friend was hurt, even when he was here with him in the park.

“Safe… warm…”

Gideon lied down, petting Jace’s hair as they laid. “I-I’ll never hurt you. I promise.”

“Gideon…”

“Jace…?”

“... my best friend…”

Gideon's heart wanted to collapse. His tears were dropping so quickly. They weren't stopping anytime soon.

“Oh Jace...”

Jace sniffled.

"Look, buddy... I really, really think you need to go to the hospital if you've... taken sleeping pills like that, okay? I  _need_ you to be safe. Please let me," Gideon said. But Jace just shook his head, tears falling from his eyes quickly.

"I-It's been a long time since I took them, and... G-Gideon please. Liliana can't find out! She can't!"

Gideon sat there frozen for a long time. He knew Jace should go to the hospital, but... "Okay," Gideon said. "Okay."

After a long silence, Jace eventually fell asleep in Gideon's arms. The breeze swept his hair this way and that. Gideon would wait to talk to him about Liliana. Tonight, he told himself.

 

“Jace, I know you're not in a good place... but…”

“What is it?”

“I need you to tell me what has happened.”

Jace looked down at his feet and swallowed. “Okay.”

“... And you can squeeze my hand or anything whenever you want.”

Jace’s eyes were watery. “O-okay.”

“Whenever you're ready…”

“After I told you to go… She ripped off my clothes.”

Gideon tried to hold still.

Jace gulped. He wiped his teary eyes. “T-then she pushed me into bed, and I couldn't get up, she was so heavy on me…”

Jace grabbed Gideon's hand, and squeezed hard.

“I-I couldn't stop her, you know? I couldn't…”

“I think I understand what happened… You don't have to say anything more, if it's too much…”

“Gideon, I said no, I said I didn't want to have sex, but she--”

Gideon squeezed Jace around the waist.

“Sh-she did it anyway. I was so scared…”

There was a short silence.

“... How many times has she done this?”

“... I don't even know… I don't know, I don't know…”

“I'm so sorry…” Gideon said. “I'm so, so sorry…”

“Gideon, I don't know. I don't know… I want to stay, I love Liliana, I don't want to break her heart…”

Gideon looked at Jace right in the eyes, holding onto his shoulders. “But she's broken yours.”

“W-what…? No, I don't…”

“Think about it. Please.”

Jace started to cry again. Gideon felt awful, but he had to keep going.

“You tried to kill yourself, Jace… ”

“Gideon, I… I can't…”

“I'm sorry. You… You need time to think about this.”

Jace sucked on the inside of his cheek. “I should go…”

“But… But where?”

“Home…”

“Why?”

Gideon was shaking in his seat.

“Maybe if I give Liliana what she wants, we’ll both feel better.”

“Jace, don’t do this…”

“I just want someone to _love_ me, Gideon!”

Gideon's heart broke.

“And if Liliana can't love me, then _nobody_ will.”

“Jace, that's not true!”

“I'm leaving.”

“Jace!”

Jace was too fast. He ran out the door, and left it open as he ran into the night. Gideon chased after him, his adrenaline pushing him as strong as it could. He didn't know how Jace kept going. But if he didn't stop, neither would Gideon. A car passed after Jace crossed a street, so Gideon had a hard time telling which way he turned. When he got to the end of the street, he looked both ways, and now Jace was getting on the bus.

“Fucking--”

Gideon ran toward the bus, hoping with every part of him that it would _stop_ , but it didn't. He was panicking now. What the fuck was he supposed to do?

Call Ral. He needed Ral.

He was sitting on the sidewalk. He couldn't cry anymore. He had to get to Jace before he saw Liliana.

“Yello?”

“Ral! I need you to come get me ASAP. Jace is running right into danger, please hurry!”

“Got it, make sure your tracker’s on.”

Ral hung up, and Gideon double checked his tracker.

Waiting was painful. Jace could get home at any second now. What if Gideon never saw him again? No. No, it wouldn't be.

Ral showed up ten minutes later. Gideon snapped up, running to practically throw himself into the passenger seat. “Let's go.”

Ral went full speed, probably past the speed limit. Normally, Gideon would criticize him, but this was no time. They arrived to Jace’s home quickly. He was standing there, in the doorway. Shit, Gideon had to be quiet. He got out of the car as silently as possible and snuck over to the house. He had to avoid Liliana _and_ Jace seeing him.

“Were you at _Gideon’s_ again?”

Gideon clenched his fists.

“I was, but --”

_Slap!_

“I don't fucking think so!” Gideon felt like he was screaming as he bolted to their door. He pulled Jace back into his arms.

“I've had just about _enough_ of you!” Liliana shouted. She reached to grab Jace first, but Ral beat her to it. Gideon nodded at him, thankful for his presence.

“I'm glad you feel the same way!” Gideon shouted back. “How _dare_ you hurt Jace! What kind of wife are you?!”

“What kind of _wife!_ How does it feel to be _single_ at your age! Ha!”

“Feels just _fine._ ”

“Gideon, stop I-I don't…” _Jace._ How could Gideon forget. “I'm so confused…”

“I'm sorry, Jace…”

But he couldn't look at him now. Liliana was there, a disgusting snake with fire in her eyes. “Give him _back_ to me,” she said. She tried to push through Gideon, but he was too big. She stomped in frustration. Gideon was surprised her heels didn't break through the floor.

“What's going on here, babydoll?”

_And who the hell was this?_

“Raven! _Leave_!” Liliana snarled through her teeth.

“Excuse me, sir,” Raven said. Gideon was so shocked that he was limp against his push.

“Liliana, who’s--” It was Jace. His voice was cracking, almost broken--

And Raven kissed Liliana on the lips. “Fuck, stop--” And again.

“ _Liliana!_ ” Jace was yelling now, stressing his vocal cords way more than he should be. He shoved past Ral, past Gideon, past his fear.

He threw his wedding band at her.

“I thought you loved me! You coward! You Liar!” Jace was sobbing now. Sobbing and screaming. “I was so stupid to think! That you! Ugh!”

“Oh Jace, I do love you, don't be silly--” she reached out to touch him, but he slapped her hand away.

“But how _stupid_ do you think I am!”

Everyone was silent. Jace was breathing so hard and fast, and he started to run again.

“You're a _bitch,_ ” Ral said. He spat right in Liliana’s direction as Gideon chased down his friend.

Gideon was about to grab Jace’s hand, when he stood still on his own accord. His hands balled up, and he shouted at the top of his lungs--

“I want a divorce! Even if nobody will love me ever again!” Jace's voice was almost completely broken.

Gideon went completely still.

Jace turned around to run again, but Gideon grabbed his hand.

“It's okay,” he whispered. “You don't have to run anymore.”

Jace broke down into his arms.

“A divorce.” He repeated. “A divorce…”

 And then he collapsed.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace goes to the hospital, and meets Chandra and Nissa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **there have been several major edits to the previous chapter, if you have not read them, please do!**  
>  hello friends i am back, this chapter took a bit longer because i had to add in a few parts. enjoy the read!  
> sidenote: my writing tumblr's url has changed to femmequest

Jace was laying in a hospital bed. He was holding the blanket in his hands, and his chin rested between them. He was happy that Gideon and Ral decided to come along. He felt much less lonely.

“You gonna be alright, little blue?” Ral asked.

Jace nodded. “Yeah, I’ll be okay… Thanks to you guys.”

Gideon smiled, placing his hand over Jace’s. “I’m so glad you’re alright.”

“I’m glad both of you are alright, too…” said Jace. He wore a sleepy smile across his lips. He slowly went to sleep, his hand going limp under Gideon’s.

 

It had been an hour, and Gideon and Ral still hadn’t finished the one-thousand piece puzzle they had brought for Jace. Ral’s chin was against his crossed arms on the table, and he yawned. Gideon, on the other hand, was watching Jace from afar.

“What’s with the heart eyes, dude?” Ral asked, his head cocked to the side. He laughed shortly as Gideon straightened his back, a faint pink brushing over his cheeks.

“Uh…”

“Listen, man, I know you like him,” said Ral. He shifted his focus to the puzzle, and moved a piece into place.

There was silence for a while, but it was broken by Gideon taking a deep breath. “Yeah… Yeah, I do.”

Ral smiled, looking up from the puzzle. “He’s cute.”

Gideon laughed, covering up one of his cheeks with a hand. “He is, isn’t he?”

Ral stood up. “Let’s let cutie get some sleep, huh?” He slapped Gideon on the back, who nodded and led Ral out.

“Yeah. He needs it.”

 

Gideon and Ral showed up to the hospital early the next morning, having called off the day from work. They brought some of Gideon’s special vegan pancakes for Jace to eat, knowing it would cheer him up. Ral worked on the border of the puzzle as they waited for Jace to wake up.

Jace woke up with a quiet yawn and a deep breath by the time Ral had finished the border. “Well good morning, sunshine,” said Ral. Gideon brought the pancakes over to Jace, a wide smile across his lips.

“I tell my wife I want a divorce, and the next morning I get the best pancakes in the world. What’s next?” Jace asked. He took the fork from Gideon’s hand, but not before Gideon started cutting the pancakes for him.

“That would be up to you, Jace,” said Gideon.

Jace took a bite of his pancake. “That would be the case, but…” He looked at the floor, a sad smile across his lips. “I’m kind of homeless now.”

“No, no, don’t say that,” Gideon said, taking Jace’s hands into his own. “Come stay with me.”

Jace’s eyes lit up, an adorable smile pushing up on his lips. “I will,” he said. “Thank you.”

“When will you be out of the hospital, little blue?” Ral asked. He was focused completely on Jace and Gideon, despite the puzzle piece in his hand.

“Tomorrow,” Jace said.

“How would you like to meet our friends?” Ral asked.

“That's right, Chandra and Nissa wanted to meet you, Jace,” said Gideon. “Let's pay them a visit when you're out of the hospital, alright?”

Jace nodded. “I'd love to meet your friends.”

 

As promised, Ral and Gideon came to steal Jace away from the hospital when it was time for him to go. He was a little wobbly, but nothing too serious. He didn't walk around much at the hospital.

Ral put his arm around Jace, gesticulating with his other as they walked down the sidewalk. “Y’know, I've never met a married couple as great as Chandra and Nissa,” Ral said.

“What are they like?” Jace asked.

“Chandra's real spunky, and Nissa is very mellow. They've got amazing chemistry,” Ral said. “They're kinda like me and Gideon’s moms, in a way. Way too young to be our moms though. Bad analogy.”

Jace snorted.

“But you get it, right Jace?” Ral asked. He smiled, leaning his face right up close to Jace’s. 

“Yeah, I do,” Jace said. He looked at Gideon, who was also smiling.

In Gideon's car, Jace got to take shotgun. After all, he was just in the hospital. It was the least they could give him. Ral sat in the seats behind them, leaning forward with his elbows on his thighs.

“Lemme call Chandra,” he said. He dialed her number. “Yo, Chandra, can we come over? Jace ‘n’ Gideon and me? Wait, what do you mean we can’t come over yet! Let me talk to Nissa, I- Oh, hi Nissa. Can we come over? Yeah? Awesome. See ya in twenty.”

“What was that all about?” Gideon asked.

“I dunno man, I think Chandra’s gone a little crazy.”

“Oh?” 

“Yeah man, she said the house wasn’t clean and she didn’t want us to see it. Then Nissa told me the house looked fine!”

“Weird…”

Jace was sort of ignoring their banter, looking out the window and watching the sky. It’s not like he knew who Chandra was, anyway.

They eventually pulled into Chandra and Nissa’s driveway. Jace admired their home, it was cute and small, perfect for a young married couple. They went up to the door, Ral first. Jace practically tripped over the stairs, but Gideon caught him.

“Careful, buddy.”

Jace smiled. Gideon felt blinded by how warm it was. “You’re the best.”

Gideon couldn’t find his voice.

“Hello Ral!” it was Nissa, who’d opened the door. She gave him a hug. Next was Chandra, who pulled him away by the ear. 

“How dare you come over without warning!” she said.

“Yeowch! Chandra you’ve never cared before, so why!”

“Buh-cuz it’s so rude!”

Ral rolled his eyes.

“Oh but you must be Jace!” Chandra’s mood changed instantly, and suddenly she was a ray of sunshine. “You’re so cute! Just like the pictures!” She wrapped her arms around him tightly. “I’ve heard such great things about you.”

“You have?” Jace struggled to say, his lungs practically collapsing under Chandra’s arms. She released him.

And then Nissa was hugging Jace. “Gideon has told us such lovely things about you,” she said, her voice cool and deep and refreshing. Gideon knew that was something Chandra fell for long, long ago. “Come right in!”

“Hello again, Gayd--”

“ _ Don’t. _ ”

“Gaydeon,” Chandra whispered, positive that Ral nor Jace would hear.

“You’re the worst.”

“Shoulda thought of that before you dated me in high school.”

Gideon sighed. Chandra was smug yet again. She won so easy!

Both Nissa and Chandra hugged him. There were always room for two hugs at once with Gideon. He felt their cat, Ajani, circle around his legs.

Once they were all securely inside the house, the friends all sat around the coffee table in the living room. Chandra relaxed against her wife, her feet against the table. Gideon noticed Jace sitting closer to him than usual, and it made him short of breath.

“So, Jace, are you from around here?” Chandra asked. 

“Um, no actually, I’m from northern Oregon,” he said. 

“Ooh. So, like, Vancouver-Portland area?”

“Mhm.”

Gideon suddenly felt dumb for not asking Jace these questions before.

“What do you like to do?”

“I like puzzles. And books. And more puzzles.”

Gideon wasn’t sure if he’d gone to heaven when Jace leaned further into him. Was any of this real anymore?

“And when did you meet Gideon?”

Jace suddenly grabbed at his own hands, squeezing them tightly and shifting his focus every which-way. “U-um,” he stuttered. “Like a month ago, but--”

“But what?” Nissa asked.

“But he’s like my best friend…”

Jace was shaking now, and his tears looked like little bubbles in his eyes. “I hope I can be a good friend to him too… Even though I’m kind of boring.”

Gideon couldn’t help himself. He snatched Jace up in a hug, pressing his forehead to his back. The way Jace squeaked made him shiver. “Don’t say that, I love spending time with you…” Gideon felt Jace’s tears hit his arms, but he didn’t mind.

“M-me too,” said Jace. He sniffled and tried to turn around to hug Gideon. He was looking into Jace’s eyes now, blown away at how sweet the warm brown looked. Their noses were so close, Gideon could--  _ no, not right now. _ So he just hugged him close again. He wanted to protect Jace, not frighten him. Not remind him of Liliana.

Gideon was thankful that nobody said a word. He wanted this time between himself and Jace. Nobody should interrupt this moment. He squeezed Jace for another moment, and then let him go. “I’m always here for you. I promise.”

Gideon looked over at Chandra, Nissa, and Ral, and they were all crying. He shuddered. 

  
  


Jace felt overwhelmed. He’d just met these two women-- the one with the fire-colored hair and the tall one with a cool voice. They were so  _ kind _ to him, but he felt overstimulated. He’d grown used to them, as time went on, so eventually he was mostly okay. The anxiety came back when Chandra pulled him away to chat.

“Can I ask you something?” she said. Jace blinked in surprise, but nodded.

“You didn’t…  _ lose _ your ring, did you?” she asked. 

Jace froze. “Well, no. I kind of threw it out... Why?”

“Oh wow,” said Chandra. Her eyebrows were raised high. “Oh. Well, I just noticed the red imprint on your finger, so I was curious.”

“Right...”

Jace felt very awkward.

  
  


When they left, Jace and Ral found out that Chandra was going to have a baby in that coming December. Ral was so excited, he nearly tackled her to the ground, but Gideon held him up by the shirt to prevent that. But they did hug. Jace said a simple “congratulations” before hugging the two wives, and walking off to the bus stop with Gideon and Ral. 

If this was the start of his new life, he was ready for whatever would come at him.

  
  
  
  
  



	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace gets his things from the apartment, ready to move on to the next part of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again!  
> the next chapter will be the last of part one. hooray! part two will feature the love story of chandra and nissa. each chapter is a pretty quick read, so i will be trying to upload them pretty quickly. in part three, we will be focusing on ral (stubborn little thing), and also, chandra will be having her baby! happy reading <3

Jace woke up early in the morning to sneak over to his house. He went alone, but he did text Gideon to let him know. He took the bus to get there; his motorcycle was still parked by his apartment. He knew Liliana would be exhausted out of her mind when he showed up, so he figured it might be easier for him to get past her. He knocked on the door, slightly anxious, but with more confidence than he’d had in the past year.

Liliana flinched as she opened the door. “Oh, it’s  _ you… _ Are you coming back to me, darling? I have your ring, if you-”

“No. I’m here to get my shit back. And there’s something I need you to sign. You can keep the ring, it makes me ill to think about,” Jace said, a wave of assertion coming through him.

Liliana tried to shut the door, but Jace grabbed it with a powerful hand. “Cut the crap, Liliana,” he said. “I need to get my stuff back.”

“Jace… I don’t… I don’t  _ want _ to break up. Or get divorced…”

“You wanna know what I don’t want? Actually, I don’t care. I’m going to tell you anyway.” Jace closed the door behind himself. “I’m sick and tired of having no friends, being abused, being cheated on, feeling suicidal, and… and being raped. I want happiness. I want  _ real _ love, Liliana. Can’t you see?” Jace was trying not to let his eyes well up with tears, but it was proving difficult.

“But I can give you that, Jace! I can!” Liliana cried. She tried to reach for Jace’s shirt, but he pushed her away.

“But you’ve failed,” he said.

Liliana was sobbing, her mascara tracing down her cheeks. It was kind of scary to look at, Jace thought.

“Look, Liliana, this is the last time I’ll see you outside of the courtroom. Could you please try to be reasonable, just this once?” He paused. “...I know there’s some part of you that’s logical.”

“What do  _ I _ get, if I sign this paper?”

“A real goodbye,” Jace said. “Unless you don’t want it.”

Liliana reached out for the paper, and snatched it out of Jace’s hands. “Give me the stupid thing.” She signed it quickly, and handed it back to Jace, but he didn’t take it back.

“You should read it,” he said. He went to go collect his things.

 

A few hours later, Ral and Gideon were over and loading Jace’s various belongings into the back of Gideon’s car. Liliana was sitting on the ground, looking like an absolute mess. Part of Jace felt a little bad, because he hadn’t given her much time to think. Another part of Jace, however, reminded him that he didn’t owe her  _ any _ of this. This was the first time Jace had been above her.

“Goodbye, Liliana,” he said. “We had  _ some _ good times together, in the past. So I thank you for those.”

Liliana said nothing as Jace picked up the form next to her.

“If you have anything to say, do so, because I’m about to go.”

Liliana just grumbled at first. But then…

“Thank you for marrying me a year ago, even though it didn’t make you happy,” she said.

“Alright. Then, I’m going to go now. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye…”

Jace was almost free, and the excitement flowed through him as he ran out to hop on his motorcycle.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace finally finds his freedom from Liliana.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;v; love...

It was the end of June, and the beginning of the summer time; the beginning of Jace’s freedom. He felt so many butterflies in his stomach as he entered the courtroom, especially having gotten there before Liliana. When he remembered that Gideon promised he’d be there when Jace was done, he was comforted.

Jace was uncomfortable during the hearing, but it was pretty easy-going, especially compared to what Jace thought he was going to have to face. The lawyer didn’t ask for much; just simple questions and reviewed some records. Jace was very thankful that Liliana went along with it. He did  _ not _ need this to be harder than it had to be.

But as soon as it was over and he was free, Jace’s heart began to race in his chest. He ran out into the open field, looking desperately for his dear friend. 

“Jace!” Gideon called out from behind him. Gideon was shouting his name! He turned. At first he didn’t see him, but when he did, he ran to him as fast as he could.

“Giiiideeeeooon!” Jace called back, running toward Gideon as fast as he could. When he got close enough, Jace jumped into Gideon’s arms, and was promptly spun around in the air.

“How do you feel, buddy?” Gideon asked, giving Jace a gentle hug around the waist.

“I feel so free, Gideon!” Jace said. As Gideon put him down, Jace looked nervously into Gideon's eyes. “But there's something I still want to take care of,” he said, turning his head to face away, and took Gideon's hand. “This way,” Jace said. Gideon let Jace lead him. 

Jace pulled him, far, far away from the courtroom. 

“Are we going far?” Gideon asked.

“Nope.” Soon enough, Jace stopped. They were over by a tall fence, where a tall plum tree grew behind it. Jace hugged Gideon tightly then, burying his face into his chest. “Gideon,” he murmured. 

“Hm?” Gideon asked. He hugged Jace back, slowly petting his hair. Jace looked up into Gideon's gold eyes, large tears beginning to form in his own. “What’s wrong, Jace? Can I do something for-” Jace looked up at him.

“I love you,” he said. Then he repeated it. “I love you…” He started to cry quietly, burying his face into Gideon's chest again. “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you…”

He felt Gideon squeeze him tightly. “Jace…”

“And it's okay, you know, if you don't love me. I just. I wanted you to know… That… That I do.”

“I love you, Jace. I love you too,” Gideon said. His eyes were welling up with tears, too. Jace shivered in his arms. “I love you, I have for a long, long time…”

Jace squeaked like a tea kettle, water boiling hot.

“When you first smiled at me,” Jace sniffled, his hands shaking. “I thought you were so handsome, I think I forgot I was married…” He paused, sniffling into his hand and rubbing his eyes. “But to think, you love me too…! I'm the luckiest guy in the world…”

“I should be saying that,” said Gideon. Jace looked up at him again. 

“Y-you should lean down,” he said.

“Why?”

“Because you're tall. And I wanna see your face,” Jace said, looking away. 

Gideon leaned down, and Jace barely missed his lips with a small kiss. He turned outrageously red, and hid his face again. 

“Pretend that didn't happen,” he said.

“Aw, don't hide your face, that was so sweet…” Gideon said.

“No, I'm gonna hide forever,” Jace said.

Gideon just smiled, and looked up at the blue sky. It was the same color as Jace’s jacket, wasn't it?

“Will you be my boyfriend?” Jace asked from Gideon's warm chest. He squeezed tighter, terrified of rejection.

“Of course I will,” Gideon said, a small stutter coming through.

“If I get scared at night, can I wake you up?”

“Yes, of course.”

“I want to go home with you...”

“Alright.”

They pulled apart, looking very vulnerable as they gazed at each other. Jace reached over, pinching one of the friendship bracelets around Gideon's wrist.

“I want to make one of these for you,” he said. Gideon couldn't help but smile. 

“I’ll make one for you, too.”

And then Jace held his hand. Gideon gulped, hoping he wouldn't melt any time soon. Besides, Jace loved him back. He couldn't disappear now.

Jace’s hand was so small in his, and so warm.

The ride on the way home was very quiet, and Jace's face felt hot. He wanted to go home and cry on Gideon again, to be held. But in the car they couldn't do as much as touch fingers. It wasn't enough.

Jace was so relieved when they finally made it home. Gideon helped him out of the car, and they went inside, holding hands again. Jace worried if his hand was too warm.

They went into Gideon's bedroom, walking over to the bed and lying down next to one another.

“Gideon, when did you start to like me?” Jace asked.

Gideon took his hands. “Well, I’ve always liked you,” Gideon said, smiling softly. “But I didn’t want to believe it.”

“Why?” Jace asked.

“Because you were married of course,” he said. “But I fell hard for you anyway.”

Jace blushed. “Oh…”

When Gideon opened his arms, Jace crawled between them. Gideon was holding him tightly, oh so tightly, and Jace never wanted him to let go. They were quiet as they laid on his bed.

Gideon was petting Jace’s hair, slowly and gently. “I want to take you on a date,” he said. Jace shivered in his arms.

“You do?”

“Of course I do! I’ll take you to lunch, to the amusement park, to the market…”

This made Jace smile.

They were quiet again, but this time Jace pushed up from the bed and looked into Gideon’s eyes. They were gold, so beautifully gold, with a tiny teal rim around his pupils. Jace looked at the scar on his forehead, and reached out to touch it. He looked over at Gideon's nose, and tapped the tip of it.

“What are you doing?” Gideon asked. He was smiling.

Jace blushed. “I'm learning your face.”

Gideon laughed, and Jace felt it on his chest and the sides of his legs. It was such a nice feeling.

Jace put two fingers up to one of Gideon's triangular sideburns, trying to find the angle. He hummed, and was amazed to find the other one was exactly the same. Then he reached to trace Gideon’s lips. They were so  _ soft _ , Jace could just die. They were plump too, and the more Jace thought about them the more heat that went to his cheeks. He pulled his finger away, and looked back at Gideon's pretty eyes.

“Can I learn your face, too?” Gideon asked. Jace nodded and waited patiently.

Then Gideon was tracing the tattoos on Jace’s face. Jace was worried what Gideon would think, because his cheeks were so warm. Gideon moved some hair out of Jace’s face, and pet it away from his nose. He traced the bridge of it up and down. Jace felt like he might sneeze. And when Gideon held his chin to pet his lips, Jace found himself wanting something more.

“G-Gideon...”

Gideon moved his hand out of the way. “Sorry, did that-”

“Can I kiss you?” Jace looked down, his face very, very hot.

“Y-yes. Are you sure that won't-”

“No, I’ll be alright…”

Gideon nodded.

Jace leaned over, pressing his lips to Gideon's as softly as he could. He reached to grab Gideon's shirt. He was so nervous. When he pulled away, his heart was pounding hard. Gideon looked so  _ cute. _ His cheeks were so red, and he smiled at Jace. Jace smiled back at him.

Jace finally was free, and he was going to spend his new freedom with Gideon.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chandra realizes she's gay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and part 2 begins!! takes place when gideon and chandra were in high school. :)  
> note: i changed the word "trial" in the last chapter to "hearing" to clear things up.

It was Gideon and Chandra’s senior year of high school. Chandra had the ends of her hair dyed pink, and Gideon always wore converse. They had been dating since November, or something, but Chandra didn't really remember. It was April now. A very rainless April in Long Beach, California.

They were sitting on a bench by the tennis court, a spot they loved to have lunch at. Gideon had recently gone vegan, so his lunch was less and less appetizing to Chandra every day. She  _ loved _ cheese and meat and ice cream, so she didn’t get it. She also didn't think celery was any good, even with peanut butter on it like Gideon liked to eat. She ate her turkey and swiss sandwich instead.

“Want to play a tennis match later?” Gideon asked. Chandra looked at him, and smiled at his ruffled short hair. 

“Sure.”

A boy and a girl crossed ways in front of them. Chandra watched the girl go by, and Gideon watched the boy. Chandra finished her sandwich.

 

Gideon was walking Chandra home after the match. They were holding hands, which was the only affectionate thing they did in their six months of dating, besides that awkward kiss in front of the bleachers they shared November. Chandra swore to not kiss Gideon for a long, long time. In fact, she wondered if she’d  _ ever _ want to. 

She started to think more as they walked. Was she even  _ attracted _ to Gideon? He was a great friend, and he was fun to play tennis with and to race the mile. He was also very sweet, had really good grades, and super healthy. All of which Chandra admired. But there just wasn't a spark between them. This disappointed her, because it was the same thing with all the other boys she had dated. Was something wrong with her?

She waved goodbye to Gideon when she got home, and went into her room. She stared at the ceiling for a long time, thinking about what could be different about her. She thought about boys… And then she thought about girls. Oh,  _ girls! _ Chandra smiled to herself, until she realized it. Then she frowned. “Well shit, I’m gay!” she said. “I'm a lesbian!”

What was she going to do? How was she going to tell Gideon? She needed a plan, and fast. She had to make sure they remained friends most of all. Guilt rose up in her chest. It wasn't his fault… But it had to he done. She couldn't live a lie, and the longer she waited, the more they’d both suffer.

So Chandra made a plan. She’d invite Gideon over when her mother wasn't home, and break up with him. She’d do it by  _ explaining _ . She told herself not to be heartless.

 

Gideon was supposed to show up at any second now, and Chandra was devastated. She  _ really _ hoped this would go well. Gideon was a friend, and she intended to keep him that way. When he finally appeared at her house, she took a deep breath, and opened the door.

“Hey,” Gideon said with a smile.

“Hi…”

They went into Chandra’s room and sat on the floor across from each other. Chandra sighed, grabbing her face in her hands, and crossing her legs.

“Gideon, I’m awful sorry, but there's something I have to tell you,” she said. She reminded herself to be careful.

“Sure, what is it?” Gideon asked. He reached for Chandra’s hand, but she gently pushed it away.

“I love ya, you're a great guy and pretty much my best friend, but I don't think I love you in the way I thought I did.”

Gideon almost spoke, but Chandra cut him off.

“I’m gay,” she said.

There was an awkward silence. Chandra looked down.

“I’m gay, and I know that to be true because if I wasn't, I would have fallen in love with you. But I love you like you're my best friend.”

Gideon rubbed the back of his head. “You don't have to explain anymore, because I completely understand.”

“I'm sorry-”

“Because I’m gay too.”

Chandra jumped up in the air. “What! You are?”

“Yeah… Sorry, I should have told you when I figured it out.”

“Oh!” Chandra got back down on the floor, wrapping her arms tightly around Gideon. “I’m happy for you! I’ll root for you.”

Gideon slowly hugged her back. “Thanks, Chandra. I’ll be rooting for you too.” 

“Wanna go play tennis?” Chandra asked.

“Sure!”

From then on, Chandra and Gideon became closer than ever. They shared more secrets, talked more, and played more tennis. Their friendship could only grow from here.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chandra meets Nissa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaa im gay  
> [heres a lil gay drawing of them i made](http://caej0.tumblr.com/post/166060918430/little-flame-you-keep-me-warm)

It was the summer after high school had ended. Chandra had her feet propped up on the railing of the porch, and she was drinking a strawberry smoothie. She had just called Gideon to wish him luck on his first date with a guy. She had nothing to do, so she was just enjoying the sunset. She could read or do chores, but relaxing was Chandra’s first priority. It was the summertime, after all.

Chandra nibbled her straw as she noticed a moving truck pull in at the house across the street. She tilted her head to the side, trying to see what kind of people were moving in. They all looked so tall and slender; it made Chandra suddenly felt self-conscious of how curvy she was. She forgot all about that when she noticed a girl. She had her hair braided beautifully, and her floral tank top gave Chandra a hint about her personality. Quiet and sweet, perhaps. She was moving in, wasn’t she? Chandra wanted to offer something. Maybe she could show her around town and get to know her. Maybe make her feel included, like Gideon once did for Chandra.

Chandra stood up and went back into her house. “Mama!”

“What is it?” Her mother asked.

“Do you know anything about those people moving in across the street?”

“Oh, no I don’t! I’ll have to introduce myself later.”

Chandra hummed as she got comfortable again in her chair.

When the truck was empty, Chandra decided it was time to go across the street. She was lucky that the girl was sitting in the front yard. It would make it a lot easier to approach her. Chandra waved hello to her, and the girl waved back.

“Hiya! What’s your name?” Chandra asked.

The girl smiled, picking up a flower and handing it to Chandra. “I’m Nissa. What’s yours?”

“Chandra!” She took the flower from Nissa’s hand. “I was wondering if you’d like to go to the movies with me sometime? I’d like to show you around the town and get to know you!”

“That’s very kind, I’d love to go,” said Nissa. Her smile was so serene, Chandra caught herself chewing on the inside of her cheek. “Are you available tomorrow night?” 

“I am!”

“You live across the street, don’t you? I’ll meet you over there at six-thirty?”

“Perfect! I can’t wait!”

Nissa just smiled up at Chandra.

“I-I’ll see you tomorrow!” Chandra stuttered. She walked home, trying not to run. She didn't want to embarrass herself in front of the beautiful new girl, after all!

 

Chandra spent the whole day doing chores and getting ready to go to the movies with Nissa. She wore her special denim jacket and her adidas shoes over her summery outfit. She thought she looked cute.

Chandra was waiting on the porch when Nissa showed up. She was right on time. “Hi!” Chandra said. She got up from the bench, and walked Nissa to her car. “Ready to go?”

“Yes,” said Nissa. “Thank you again for inviting me.”

“Of course! Hop in.” 

Chandra asked Nissa a lot of questions on the way to the theater.

“So where are you from?”

“Kentucky,” Nissa said, sighing.

Chandra cringed. Kentucky.

“Ohh, Kentucky. What was Kentucky like?”

“California is quite preferable to it…” Nissa said. Chandra laughed a little.

“I bet.”

“I think people here are more accepting. Is that true?” asked Nissa.

“I think so. Everyone I know here accepts me for who I am.”

“Oh, good…”

Chandra was happy that she sounded so relieved. “I think we’re gonna be good friends,” she said.

“Me too,” said Nissa.

They were both smiling.

 

At the movies, Chandra and Nissa shared popcorn and had soda. Nissa had admitted that her parents didn’t approve of soda, but that she secretly loved it very much. Chandra had smiled at her with a straw under her top row of teeth. They had a lot of fun at the movies, and Nissa even cried at some point. Chandra offered her pats on the back and more popcorn. 

Chandra invited Nissa to dinner when they were walking out to her car.

“I’m sorry, but, my parents want me home soon…” she said, looking sad. Chandra felt her heart hurt.

“That’s okay! We can go some other time.” Chandra held out her pinkie. “It’s a promise.” Nissa linked pinkies with her, her smile returning.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chandra takes Nissa and Gideon to the beach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm writing 5 slow burns at once because i'm a fool

Chandra was kicking her feet back on the porch again. She was smiling up at the warm, blue sky. She and Nissa had been friends for about a week now, and they had had unbelievable fun, even considering Chandra’s work schedule, and Nissa was attempting to find a job. But today, they were both free, and so was Gideon. She’d just gotten off of the phone with the both of them. She had planned to take them to the beach.

Nissa showed up first, of course. She was wearing a large sunhat, which had a pale green ribbon around it and few daisies. Chandra couldn’t see much of her swimsuit, because she was wearing a sundress over it that touched the middle of her thigh. She was also wearing sandals, which made her slightly taller than she already was, and a recycled tote bag over her shoulder. She looked very down-to earth and modest. Chandra’s cheeks were heating up. 

“You look beautiful!” Chandra said cheerfully.

“Thank you,” said Nissa, bowing her head. Chandra felt her heart thump in her chest.

They chatted for a while while they waited for Gideon to show up. Nissa sat in the other chair on the porch as she put her sunscreen on. Chandra watched and commented on how she didn’t need sunscreen, because she almost never burned. “I’m half Indian,” she’d tell Nissa, “I get pretty dark.” Nissa grinned at her, swiping Chandra’s nose with a tiny drop of sunscreen. They couldn’t stop laughing.

Gideon appeared fifteen minutes later. He was wearing a tanktop with his swim trunks and flip-flops. He waved at the girls, a large and sweet smile on his face. 

“Hey, it’s Gideon!” said Chandra.

“Hi there,” he said. He walked up to Nissa and gave her a rough handshake. Her hand was slightly red, but she kept smiling. “I’m Gideon.”

“And I’m Nissa,” she said.

Chandra reached forward and grabbed a strand of Gideon’s hair. “Looks kinda long,” she said, “Are you growing it out?”

“I am,” he said. “What do you think?”

“You’ll look great,” said Chandra.

“I agree,” said Nissa.

The three of them talked on the way to the beach, all getting to know each other a little more and cracking jokes. As soon as she could see the beach, Chandra ran out toward the sand, pulling off her white t-shirt as she dashed out into the water. Gideon caught her bag, and started pulling out the picnic blanket to lay out.

“C’mon, Nissa, Gideon, let’s go!” she called out. 

The three of them had a wonderful time at the beach. They splashed around in the water for a while, and when Nissa got a little tired she went out to look for shells and seaglass. Chandra and Gideon played beach volleyball for a while, and when Chandra won she wandered over to join Nissa in her search. 

“I’ll make you a necklace with these,” Nissa had said, smiling. Chandra smiled back, and she blushed.

They went out to eat after that at a Mexican place nearby.

“So when exactly are you going to Greece, Gideon?” Chandra asked, poking at some steak with her plastic fork.

“Next Friday,” he said.

“Gonna miss you lots!” she said.

“How long will you be in Greece?” Nissa asked.

“Ah, I’ll be back around a week before school starts in August.”

Nissa nodded. “I’ll be sure to keep Chandra company while you’re gone, then,” she said. Gideon smiled at her brightly.

“I  _ know _ you will.”

“Hey!” shouted Chandra. “What's that s’posed to mean!”

“I think you both know what that means.”

“No?”

Gideon was smug. “Well don’t  _ lie. _ ”

Chandra just grumbled and finished her taco salad.

  
  



	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Gideon goes to Greece, Chandra and Nissa have a sleepover.

Chandra had just seen Gideon off at the airport, giving him a tight hug before she let him go off to security. She promised to go pick up Nissa at her new job, so she bolted off to the parking lot. She got there in no time, and by the time she did, the sun was setting. She parked in front of the botanical store and waited for her friend to come out. As soon as she did, Chandra practically leapt from her car to hug her.

“Hi!” said Chandra.

“Hello Chandra,” said Nissa. “I’ve finished your necklace, would you like to see?”

“Oh yes! Show me!”

Nissa let go of Chandra, and pulled out a small box from her purse. She took out the necklace, and gently clasped it around Chandra’s neck. Chandra looked at it, staring at the contents inside the jar. There were a lot of pieces of beautiful seaglass inside.“Oh my!” she said. It was so beautiful that she couldn’t stop smiling at it. “I love it so much, thanks Nissa!” She stood on the tips of her toes to hug Nissa again. She squeezed her tight around the waist and rubbed her forehead into Nissa’s shoulder. Nissa happily hugged her back.

“I’m glad you like it, Chandra,” Nissa said, “You’re my dear friend, and I wanted to give you something that showed you that.”

“Aww, you’re so sweet. You’re my dear friend, too!” Chandra said. She didn’t want to let her go.

 

“I wanna watch a corny mermaid movie tonight,” Chandra said. They got out of her red car, and walked to Chandra’s door. They had planned a sleepover, because Nissa didn’t want Chandra to get  _ too  _ lonely since her best friend had just left to another country for two months. “How about it?”

“That sounds fun,” Nissa said. 

“And let’s order a pizza too! And have popcorn.”

“Yes and yes.”

The two of them changed into their pajamas and got cozy as they waited for the pizza to arrive. Chandra ordered the meat lover’s pizza, and Nissa asked for Hawaiian. “Thank you for not judging me for enjoying pineapple on my pizza,” Nissa said. Chandra giggled.

“I won’t ever judge you,” she said. As she was dialing the number of the pizza place, she noticed Nissa’s face light up. Chandra thought she looked hopeful. “Hi, I need an order of two medium pizzas.”

 

It was late into the night, and Chandra and Nissa had fallen asleep together on the couch. Their arms were around each other, the pizza boxes were open on the coffee table, and there was popcorn all over the floor. Chandra’s cheeks were bright red, pressed up against her friend’s shoulder.

Her mother came in, smiled at the two friends, cleaned up the popcorn and put the pizzas in the fridge, and tucked them in. She was glad Chandra had made another great friend.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chandra finally gets to see Gideon again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy national coming out day from your local lesbian

A lot had happened in the two months Gideon was gone.

He gave Chandra a call every week. Unfortunately, she wouldn’t let any juicy information slide. When she found out he had a  _ new boyfriend _ within the first two weeks, she practically screamed. When she’d found out he  _ lost his virginity _ in the next month, she gasped and her face went red. Every week she was more and more excited about this mystery boy Gideon was dating. He even got a  _ tattoo!  _ Gideon had said she couldn’t see it until he came back, though. The second to last week Gideon was sniffling and crying on the phone, and Chandra was ready to buy a ticket to Greece and punch Gideon’s asshole now ex-boyfriend in the face. How  _ dare _ he hurt Gideon!

“He doesn’t want to move to the U.S., so I guess it won’t work out,” Gideon had said.

“I’m so sorry Gideon, you deserve better,” Chandra told him. “I’m gonna give you the best hug ever when you come back!”

“Thanks Chandra,” Gideon said, sniffling, “You’re the best.”

A week later, Gideon seemed to feel a lot better on the other end of the phone.

“So when are you going to ask Nissa out?” he asked.

Chandra was struck silent on her end of the line. “Uh.”

“Chandra?” There was a pause. “ _ Oh, you’ve got it bad, _ ” Gideon laughed.

“Shut up,” Chandra mumbled. Her face was buried in her pillow, her cheeks burning the color of her favorite nail polish.

“Not until you two are a couple,” Gideon said. Chandra was pissed that she could hear the smile in his voice.

Chandra was nervous, because she didn’t know if it would ever happen, no matter how much she wanted it to.

 

A week later, Chandra waited impatiently for Gideon outside his gate at the time of his arrival. She tapped her feet furiously, and Nissa was there to calm her. 

When Gideon walked through the gate, Chandra felt as if he had a larger presence than before. He absolutely did. His muscles were larger, his hair was longer, and he was more tanned, too. He looked  _ good. _ Chandra felt extra gay, because she  _ still _ wasn’t attracted to him when he looked this amazing.

With no warning she was running and running to Gideon, tackling him with a tight hug. “You’re back!” she said. “I missed you!”

“I know,” he said, “I missed you too.” He hugged her back, and eventually let her go.

“But did you have fun?” she asked.

“Of course.”

They spent the rest of the day at Gideon’s, and had Nissa’s first bonfire. They chatted and laughed late into the night, until Chandra had to take Nissa home.

She was so glad her good friend was back.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ral meets Gideon, Chandra, and Nissa.

Ral had the best roommate ever.

Not only was he muscular and tall and very handsome, but he was also the world’s sweetest man. He brought delicious vegan cupcakes the first day they roomed together, and Ral almost cried because they were so delicious. What he  _ didn’t _ know was how close they would become in the years to come.

Despite how happy he was with his roommate, Ral didn’t love school. He often found himself uninterested and bored. There were numerous assignments that he just couldn’t get himself to do, and his grades slowly depleted. He couldn’t go to sleep. Not only did he not love school, he was starting to  _ despise  _ it.

“Are you okay?” his roommate asked one day. It was three in the afternoon, and Ral had his forehead pressed to the desk.

“No,” Ral grumbled. “Not really.”

“Let’s talk.”

Ral and his roommate walked around the perimeter of the campus. He admitted he wasn’t enjoying being at school, that he was bored and that the content wasn’t for him. His roommate gestured with his palm up.

“Then maybe you should change your plan,” he said, “And I’ll help you along the way, promise.”

Ral wanted to cry.

“Okay,” he said. “Thanks, Gideon.”

They shared their first hug in the courtyard, and Ral never wanted to forget the feeling.

 

Ral could never pay Gideon back for the countless hours he spent motivating Ral and working alongside him. It was incredibly helpful and even  _ fun _ sometimes. Ral was so happy to have an actual intellectual conversation with someone. It made his heart  _ fly _ .

He even called his mother to tell her how much better he felt, and she was exceedingly happy for him. “You should try his cupcakes sometime,” he’d told her.

The two friends’ boundaries became less and less as time went on. They no longer had established sides of the room, and sometimes Ral fell asleep in Gideon’s bed after a fun night of drinking together. Gideon never complained and he never seemed upset, always ending up in Ral’s bed if that happened. They shared an exercise regiment for the most part, as Ral had a lot less stamina than Gideon ever did. So for half of the time he just coached Gideon and watched him. It was quite a lot of fun, he admitted.

College wasn’t easy, but it was a lot more fun once Ral had a good friend to experience it with.

 

Gideon took Ral to parties, too. The first one they went together was so Ral could meet Gideon’s good friend Chandra, and her friend Nissa. It was Nissa’s birthday, and Chandra was hosting a party for her. Gideon had told Ral that it was a huge surprise, and that Nissa wouldn’t know until she walked through the door. So once the two of them got to Gideon’s house, they walked to Chandra’s as to not leave any hints to Nissa that they were there.

When they walked in, Chandra was hanging up a bunch of streamers with fake daisies attached to them.

“Hi!” she said. She had her red hair in a playful ponytail, and her lipstick was bright and red. She looked so excited for her friend’s birthday. She hopped down from the footstool, and extended her hand out to shake Ral’s. “You must be Ral! I’ve heard such great things about you.”

Ral grinned. “Have you? Must be thanks to Gideon.” He looked at his tall friend, who nodded at him, and shook Chandra’s hand.

“Omigosh!” she exclaimed, “Nissa’ll be here soon! Hide, you two!” She leaned back toward the kitchen. “And you too, Mama!”

Nissa arrived at the house a few minutes later. At the knock of the door, Chandra let her in.

“Happy birthday, Nissa!” everyone shouted. Nissa’s face went red, but she was smiling.

“Why thank you, everyone,” she said. She wrapped her arms around Chandra tightly. “Especially you, Chandra, because I know you’re the one who arranged this.”

“Oh please!” said Chandra, hugging Nissa back, “It’s your birthday!”

Ral was happy to find he got along really well with Chandra, her mother, and Nissa. Chandra was fun and excitable, and Ral could see the two of them getting to be close friends. Chandra’s mother, Pia, was a sweetheart and Ral would die for her cooking. Nissa was soft-spoken, but very intelligent, which Ral admired. She had a peaceful vibe to her that calmed him.

He could also immediately see the spark between Chandra and the birthday girl.

After all, Chandra did have her arm around Nissa for most of the time, and she had given her a whole bunch of presents. The way they looked each other was full of a passionate  _ fire _ , it was so obvious.

The party eventually came to a close as parties do, but Nissa stayed the night at Chandra’s. Ral and Gideon walked back to his house to hang out with his family. Ral had a blast there, too, everyone was tall like Gideon and very physical, which was fun for Ral.

He was making bonds that he’d never forget in his lifetime.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chandra doesn't want to go, and Nissa doesn't want her to, either.

Chandra had something to tell Nissa. It weighed her heart to say it, but that didn’t make it less true. She hid her white fists behind her back as she spoke. 

“Nissa, I’ve got to tell you something.” She was looking everywhere but at her friend, her face slightly draining of its natural color. They were at the park today, and Nissa looked extra beautiful in her miniskirt and Keds. Chandra felt her friend’s slender fingers touch her arm, and she finally looked up at her with a wavering smile.

“What is it?” she asked. She was so calm that it broke Chandra’s heart.

“I’m going to India for a while…” Chandra said. She looked at Nissa, who smiled sadly.

“Really? For how long? And when?”

“We’re leaving in a few weeks…” Chandra admitted. “I’ll be gone for a month. I’m… I’m so sorry I never told you…” Tears welled up in her amber eyes.

“It’s okay,” said Nissa. She brought Chandra into her arms, pressing her cheek to her beautiful red hair. “I’ll just miss you, is all.”

“Me too…” Chandra said. She was sniffling now. Nissa squeezed her in her arms.

“You’ll have fun, won’t you?” asked Nissa.

“Yeah! I’ll have fun! And I promise to bring you something back!” said Chandra. She pulled back to look at Nissa in the eyes, and they were both tearing up. Chandra smiled widely and wiped her friend’s tears. “And I’ll call you every night.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

Of course, she was sad about leaving Gideon and Ral, too. But she spent countless hours with Nissa by now, and it twisted her heart in a knot to leave her for thirty whole days. Her mother struggled to get her to pack her things, because all Chandra would do is lie on the ground and grumble.

“If you pack now, we’ll go home a little early,” her mother said. Chandra immediately leapt in the air and ran to her room to pack as quickly and thoroughly as she could.

“Got it!” she said from afar. Her mother shook her head with a small smile across her lips.

 

Nissa drove Chandra and her mother to the airport when it was time for them to leave. Gideon gave them hugs the day before, and so did Ral. But Nissa wanted to hold out a little longer. She pulled Chandra aside when her mother got out of the car.

“I’m trans,” she said quickly. Perhaps even rushed. Her face was losing color, and her eyes were getting wet. She stared at Chandra, so worried that she  _ would _ judge her for this, even though she knew deep down Chandra would never dream of that. Nissa’s hands were shaking now, turning pale, and she let go of Chandra’s freckled arms.

But Chandra just smiled at her, leaning over to wrap her arms tightly around Nissa. “Okay,” she said. “I support you with all of my heart.” 

And then she kissed her on the forehead. 

“I always will, promise,” Chandra said.

Nissa’s heart was exploding. “T-Thank you,” she said. Her eyes were flooded with tears, and Chandra wiped them away with her thumbs.

“And when I come back, I’m gonna tell you something too,” Chandra said. Nissa nodded, taking Chandra into her arms again.

“I’ll be waiting,” Nissa said. She nearly choked through her emotions.

“Me too,” said Chandra. She pulled away, smiling with tears in her eyes, and ran off with Pia.

_ I’ll miss you… my dearest friend,  _ she thought.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chandra goes to India.

Each day that passed in India made Chandra felt like she was losing her mind. It was a  _ beautiful  _ place, sure, and it was fun to see everything. But more than all of that, she missed Nissa. She kept her promise and called her before bed every night, curled up in her comfy bed. Nissa was more open, now that she had come out to Chandra as a transgender girl. She’d talk about how her parents were ignorant and didn’t really understand her needs, and it made Chandra want to go back to America so badly. She counted down the days, just waiting for the number to hit zero.

But as that number went down, Chandra was getting more and more anxious.

She’d promised Nissa she’d share  _ her _ secret when she came back, and she wasn’t sure if she was ready to. Every call made her heart pound in her chest, her entire face rising with heat. Out of all the girls, why did she have to choose the best one to have a crush on? Whenever she’d hang up, Chandra sighed and rolled over in her bed.

Chandra’s mother had noticed all of these things. She watched Chandra barely touch her food, her smile dwindle until she saw something that reminded her of Nissa, and watched her cheeks go red as her mother mentioned Nissa. 

Chandra woke up to her voice in the middle of the night.

“Chandra,” her mother said, over and over again, “Chandra.”

“What is it, Mama?” Chandra asked. She rubbed her eyes, turning in bed.

“Let’s go home,” she said. “I think you need it.”

Chandra smiled widely, and nearly leapt as she went to hug her mother. “Thanks Mama!” she said. “I love you!”

Pia laughed, the corners of her eyes crinkling up. “I love you too, my little flame,” she said.

 

The two of them landed in California at around eight in the morning. Gideon was on his way to pick them up. He had texted Chandra and told her he was taking Nissa along, too. Of course, this made Chandra wildly nervous. Her hands went pale when she squeezed the handle of her suitcase.

As Gideon and Nissa appeared in Chandra’s vision, she felt tears rushing to her cheeks. She didn’t understand -- she wasn’t much of a crier at all. Perhaps it was due to how nervous she was to see Nissa again.

She thought it was as if Nissa was even more beautiful than before Chandra had left for India. And then Nissa smiled at her.

She couldn’t stop herself anymore. Now she was charging toward Nissa -- having dropped her suitcase ‒ and almost knocked her over with the force of her entire body flying at her. She squeezed her as tight as she could around the waist.

“Oh, Chandra, you’re crying…” Nissa said. She pet Chandra’s hair away from her face gently.

“‘Cause I missed you,” Chandra said.

It was difficult to ignore how the other people in the airport awed at them. Chandra felt her face warm up, and she buried it into her friend’s warm chest.

“I missed you a lot too,” said Nissa. Chandra felt Nissa’s chin go into her hair. She couldn’t help but squeeze her harder. “Perhaps we should see another movie tonight?” Nissa asked.

Chandra looked up at her, a smile taking up her entire face.

“Yes!” she said. “But first…” She reached into her pocket, and pulled out a necklace with a very small elephant charm on it. She placed it into Nissa's delicate hand. “This is for you.”

Nissa's entire face lit up. “It's beautiful, I love it! Thank you, Chandra.”

Chandra helped Nissa put on the necklace, and it was absolutely beautiful on her.

They hugged again, and then it was time to go.

Gideon drove the four of them to Chandra’s house. They all sat on her couch and watched a foreign film together, but Chandra couldn’t help but fall asleep on Nissa’s shoulder.

Her secret could wait a little while.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chandra tells Nissa how she feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be the last of part 2!! i'm excited to show you all part 3, i feel my writing takes a huge leap in terms of improvement! enjoy :-)  
> p.s. im emotional at these lesbians

Chandra had worked up her courage. She had decided today was the day she was going to confess to Nissa. 

She had put on her leather jacket over her favorite short dress, and tied the look together with her brightest, lucky red lipstick. She played with her hair a little, and smiled at herself in the mirror.

“Nothin’ like a good look to boost your confidence,” she said to herself.

Chandra got in her car and headed for the park. Nissa’s workplace was nearby to it, so Chandra decided it would be a perfect place to meet. She parked near a tree so her car wouldn’t heat up too much, and went over to a bench to wait for her friend.

Chandra jumped when she was greeted with warm hands on her shoulder, but she started to laugh after she realized it was only Nissa. She turned around to hug her friend, her knees pressing against the bench.

“Hi Nissa!”

They walked around the park. Chandra asked Nissa about her day at work to find out that it went better than usual, which made Chandra smile. She hadn’t been treated well as of late, and Chandra knew she deserved better.

The two girls hopped into Chandra’s car when they returned from their walk.

“I’m taking you to your favorite grill, Nissa,” Chandra said.

“No way!” said Nissa. “I haven’t been to one since I lived in Kentucky!”

“It’s your lucky day then!” said Chandra. “Ready?” She grinned and tapped on her wheel.  _ I’ve got something else in store, too, _ she thought.

“Yes, let’s go!” said Nissa.

 

Nissa looked like she was about to bounce off the walls as she sat in the seat across from Chandra.

They had both ordered their food and drinks. Chandra asked for a steak, Nissa had asked for a hamburger, and they were both going to share mashed potatoes and french fries.

Suddenly, Nissa reached forward to grab Chandra’s hands. “Oh Chandra, I’m still so happy you returned from India quickly,” she said. Her green eyes sparkled, making Chandra’s heart flip in her chest.

Chandra nodded slowly and hoped Nissa wouldn’t notice the pink rising up in her cheeks. “Me too. I really missed you, Nissa,” she said. “Uh, after this, can I show you something?”

“Of course. I convinced my parents to let me off for the night.”

Chandra laughed quietly, awed by Nissa’s beauty in front of her.

Chandra and Nissa enjoyed their meal together when it came. Chandra ate her food rather quickly, while Nissa took her time. It was their dynamic, Chandra felt. She swung her legs back and forth as Nissa finished her food. 

 

Chandra and Nissa were climbing a staircase half an hour later. Chandra made Nissa cover up her eyes until they got to the top, and Nissa kept begging Chandra to let her stop.

“It’s difficult to climb these stairs when I can’t see, you know, Chandra,” she said. Chandra went behind her and put her arm around her back to keep her balanced.

“Better?”

“Yes,” said Nissa. “But I still want to see.”

“Not yet!” said Chandra.

When they finally made it to the top, Chandra moved Nissa’s hands away from her eyes.

Nissa gasped and moved her hands over her mouth. “Oh my goodness, Chandra! This place is beautiful!” she said. “Come on, let’s go!”

Chandra smiled as she lead Nissa around. The moon shined down on them through the green glass ceiling, and there were huge flowers growing all around. They were the only ones there, luckily for Chandra.

Nissa looked at every flower she could get to and smelled as many as she could reach. Chandra was happy Nissa was having a good time, but the longer she had to wait to tell Nissa her secret, the more nervous she became. She couldn’t really think of anything to say at the moment, either. So she just watched Nissa as she explored.

But suddenly Nissa turned around and took Chandra’s hand.

“Let’s go to the balcony over there,” she said. Chandra nodded, and Nissa lead her there.

It was a little cold on the balcony, but Chandra’s face felt warm.

“Thank you for this amazing day, Chandra,” Nissa said, a soft smile on her lips.

“N-no, Nissa, thank you for your amazing friendship,” Chandra said. She grabbed onto Nissa’s shirt, and stood on her tip-toes. “I want to tell you my secret.”

“Oh, Chandra, your secret! What is it?” Nissa’s eyes were bright and her lips open. Chandra’s cheeks flushed as she looked down at her feet.

“I like you, Nissa,” Chandra said slowly. She shut her eyes and shoved her face into Nissa’s chest. She squeezed her around the waist. “I like you a lot… Will you be my girlfriend?”

Chandra was starting to regret this whole thing. What if Nissa didn’t like her in that way? What if Nissa didn’t want to be her girlfriend? Chandra’s heart felt heavy, and yet it pounded so heavily. 

But then Nissa squeezed her tightly in her arms, tucking her head against Chandra’s shoulder.

“Oh, Chandra… Of course I’ll be your girlfriend,” she said, nuzzling against Chandra’s red hair. “I love you.”

Chandra backed away only to meet Nissa’s green eyes that were wet with tears. She couldn’t help but to kiss her right on the lips, soft and slow. “I love you…” she whispered as she pulled away.

When Nissa kissed her back, her lips quirked up into a sweet smile, Chandra’s heart felt as light as a feather.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chandra and Nissa get married.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy ending to part two!! get ready for part three, it's a lot of fun :-)

Five years later, Chandra stood in a heavily-mirrored room in a flowing white dress. Gideon stood next to her, smiling at her finished look. He had just helped her with her makeup, and she looked absolutely stunning. He tucked a yellow rose behind her ear. She looked as youthful as the day she met Nissa.

Nissa had proposed to Chandra a little longer than a year ago. It was winter, and the New Year had just passed. The sun was rising over their little apartment, and they could see their breath in the chilly air. Nissa had said that Chandra was the little flame that always kept her warm, and then got on her knee to ask Chandra to marry her. Chandra had cried a little and kissed Nissa over and over again, repeatedly telling Nissa that of course she would.

Chandra knew that somewhere, in another room, their friend Elspeth was helping Nissa with her makeup and dress. Chandra knew her wife-to-be looked absolutely stunning, and she couldn’t wait to see her at the altar. She wanted to marry her right in that moment.

But it was too soon when Chandra had to wait at the altar for her fiancée to walk out. She gulped. She was going to cry again, wasn’t she? The last time she cried was when Nissa proposed to her. She took a deep breath, but couldn’t help but choke up just as Nissa came toward her.

Chandra held Nissa’s hands as she shared her vows first. She made a few jokes and mentioned how lovestruck she was by Nissa so early on, and even though her speech was lighthearted, Chandra still started to cry.

Nissa’s vows were very serious and affectionate, and they way she looked at Chandra made her cry even more. Nissa was crying too, and it made her green eyes look absolutely beautiful. The way the tears clung to Nissa’s dark eyelashes made Chandra’s heart skip a beat. She wanted to kiss Nissa  _ now. _

Once their I dos were said, Chandra kissed her bride right on the lips. Nissa was holding her closely around the waist and kissed her too, over and over again. They were married, and unbelievably happy.

In the future, they would remain happy. Their love brought warmth to each other and their friends, and continued to make their surroundings bright and beautiful.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace's happy new life begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello and welcome to part three! enjoy :-)

Jace had never been happier in his life. He had the kindest boyfriend in the world, he believed. He lived with him near Long Beach in a cozy apartment, and slept together every night in a large bed with blue and white covers. Jace was going to school again. He was beginning to study anthropology, archaeology, English, and in psychology, so that he could one day solve mysteries, and perhaps even create them himself. However, Gideon told him to take it easy, only a few classes at a time. Jace nearly disregarded him, wanting to learn so much, but when he remembered all the time with Gideon he would miss out on, he followed suit. Jace also became manager of the bookstore, as the woman before him retired and only trusted him to her store. He kept in touch with her as well, and they sometimes had lunch together.

Gideon, who was just as happy as Jace, quit his job as a barista. Jace and Ral had inspired him to start his very own vegan cooking class, alongside his work at the gym. It turned out to be quite successful, and a wide array of people showed up to learn. This filled Gideon with joy. Jace still attended private sessions with him at the gym. More often then not, these sessions lead to sweet kisses under the dim light, the rest of the session lost to their affections.

Ral was still working at the strip club, but he was also spending a lot more time at his messy apartment, working on all kinds of inventions. Most of them were failed, at least, that was what he thought, but he learned something new each time. At first he’d scream, and later he’d sleep, but after he woke up, everything was good again. He went right back to work. Gideon and Jace both wished he’d come out and see them every now and then, but it proved hard to schedule with Ral after they’d started living together.

Chandra was very pregnant. The doctors had told her she’d be due in the next couple of months. She didn’t know how to feel; she’d cry, get cravings that couldn’t be settled, laugh until her eyes watered, and get very sleepy. She’d left her job months ago, especially since Nissa’s garden turned into a very successful gardening store and viewing point. A friend of theirs even ran the store a few days a week so Nissa could stay at home with Chandra.

Nissa was nervous about Chandra’s pregnancy, too. It took her extra long to sleep at night, just petting Chandra’s hair and checking on her breathing. She knew the doctors said there was nothing to worry about, and Nissa knew Chandra was a trooper anyway, but it didn’t matter. She couldn’t help but be concerned about her wife during such a different experience, no matter how well it was going. But she was also excited. This was her first child, after all, not to mention with the most beautiful and sweet woman she had ever met. She was beyond happy to start a family with her.

 

Gideon was in the middle of teaching his students how to make one of his favorite vegan rice dishes. He’d go around the room and help people, answer their questions, and even sometimes crack jokes if they were comfortable enough with him.

He had just finished helping a young woman with her rice when he felt something squeeze his waist tight. He turned his head over his shoulder and looked down, only to see Jace stuffing his face into his back. Surprised, Gideon reached down to pet Jace’s hair slowly.

“Jace ‒ I didn’t expect to see you here,” he said, smiling.

“Well, here I am,” Jace said, smiling at Gideon. “I’m off work for the day. Care to teach me how to make your favorite vegan rice, too?”

“I would,” said Gideon, watching Jace unravel himself from Gideon, “But my session is almost over. Can you wait until we go home?”

Jace nodded. “Okay, I’ll go wait over there.” He pointed to a stool off to the corner, and walked off toward it.

Gideon couldn’t get Jace out of his mind as he helped all of his students clean up the kitchen. He could just feel him tapping his feet in the spinning chair. His students all lined up to leave, and before he knew it he was alone in the room with Jace.

Jace was standing up, a big smile across his lips, his hair still messy. Gideon couldn’t help but walk up to him and lean in close, the feeling of Jace’s breath against his lips.

“You sneak, you, popping into my class,” Gideon teased. Jace laughed against him, taking Gideon’s waist into his arms again.

“I can’t help it, I missed you,” said Jace. He closed the space between them, and they shared a warm kiss.

“I missed you too.” Gideon said. He kissed Jace on the cheek, hugging him back carefully. “Let’s go home and cook.” They held hands as they walked out the door.

 

Late into the night, Jace and Gideon were leaning against each other in bed, and as they watched a new spy movie. Their bowls were empty, their stomachs full, and their hearts were warm. They both brushed their teeth, so Jace felt alright dozing off against Gideon’s chest.

Gideon was smiling as he kissed Jace’s forehead. He tucked him in, turned off the TV, and opened the window before he turned the light off.

Jace pulled himself close to Gideon as he climbed under the covers, his eyes barely open and his lips barely smiling. “I love you, Gideon,” he whispered.  He fell asleep very quickly after that. Gideon simply ran his fingers through Jace’s hair, watching him until he too gave into his tired urges to pass out.

Jace would dream of a gazebo, a pond, his hand in Gideon’s, the sky blue and the clouds wispy. In his dream, flowers would surround them, their souls blooming as they did.

But their love wouldn’t be lonely.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ral finally appears for Chandra and Nissa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiii  
> sorry for the small wait, i've been trying to space out chapters a little more since i'm almost caught up to what i'm currently working on ;v; next chapter might have a little bit longer of a wait, so sorry about that!!! hopefully i'll be done with it soon  
> enjoy this scene at chandra and nissa's house ft. ral!

It was the beginning of October, and Nissa was helping Chandra decorate the house for the fall. They hung up little tissue paper ghosts, put removable pumpkin stickers on the windows, and a little red wreath on their front door. Nissa even lit special leaf-scented candles all around the house. It was a wonderful smell, both of them had agreed.

They had originally planned to decorate later in the month, but Chandra had managed to invite Ral over, and needed her place to suit the season. They were hanging up some of Nissa’s leaf paintings when they heard a knock at the door.

“That must be Ral,” Nissa said. She opened the door. Sure enough, it was him.

“Hello ladies,” he said. He beamed at Nissa and Chandra, taking his shoes off at the front door.

“Would you care for some pumpkin muffins?” Nissa offered.

“Oh hell yeah,” said Ral. He made himself comfortable on the couch, removing his jacket and tossing it by his shoes. Chandra sat next to him.

“Glad you could make it,” she said, patting his leg gently.

“‘Course,” Ral said. He looked down at Chandra's belly, eyebrows raised high. “My god, has it really been that long?”

Chandra laughed at him. “What do you mean?”

“You're so…” Ral said, gesturing vaguely and wildly, “ _ Very pregnant.” _

“And  _ you've _ been super absent. Anything else, captain obvious?” Chandra teased, a suspicious look in her fiery eyes. There was more motherly concern in them than anything else.

Ral smiled awkwardly, reminding Chandra of a baby dragon. Then Nissa brought the plate of muffins to the coffee table, and set a glass of hot cider on the table for each of them to drink.

“Thank you, honey,” Chandra said, leaning over to kiss Nissa on the lips.

Ral began to unwrap one of the muffins, staring at it with intent as he spoke again. “So, you've invited me here to be interrogated?” he asked. He closed his eyes at the wonderful cinnamon scent coming from the muffin.

“Oh Ral, that isn't the case,” said Nissa, offering Ral an apologetic smile. “We’re just worried, that's all.”

“And kind of mad,” said Chandra, crossing her arms across her chest.

Ral sighed, leaning his head back against the soft couch. “Yeah, well, honestly, I've been mad at myself too,” he admitted.

“Why is that?” Nissa asked.

“Do I  _ have  _ to tell you?” Ral whined, lifting his head from the couch.

Normally he wouldn’t pout, unless he was trying to get away with something.

Chandra knew this.

“Well, no, you don't-” said Nissa.

“Yeah you do,” said Chandra. “You're not usually mad at yourself unless you're  _ really _ upset.”

Ral was silent. He pouted again.

“Chandra’s right,” Nissa said. “You're usually okay with getting mad at others.”

“I  _ was _ …” said Ral, “But I realized it wasn't their fault.”

“‘Their' as in one person, or…” said Chandra, a hand under her chin, perplexed.

“Two people. Shit. Why do you do this to me, Chandra.”

Ral buried his face into his hands.

“Because I'm your friend and I hate to see you hide away like this,” Chandra said. There was a fire in her eyes, but Nissa put it out with a hand over Chandra’s, who took a deep breath to try and calm down. “I just want to help you, Ral…”

“Chandra's been thinking you're hurting more than you're telling us,” Nissa said calmly. “She hoped she could cheer you up.”

Ral looked guiltily at Chandra, and leaned over to give her a hug. “I'm sorry, Chandra… But I don't think anything can be done.”

“Will you at least tell me what it is?” Chandra asked hopefully, her eyes big much like a puppy’s. Ral sighed and let go of her.

“Alright, fine. But you two have to promise not to say a word to anyone,” Ral said. He pouted again, closing his eyes and sticking both of his pinkies out. When he felt Chandra and Nissa link pinkies with him, he smiled a little and put his hands down.

“Pinkie promise,” said Chandra.

“Alright… Got any alcohol in this house?” Ral asked.

“Only for you,” said Chandra.

“Well, right. Nissa doesn't drink without you, and you're pregnant…”

“It's fine, we feel drunk having orange juice together!” Chandra giggled. She was grinning.

“I will get some wine for you, Ral,” said Nissa. She disappeared for a little bit, but returned with a glass for him very quickly. 

“Thanks Nissa,” Ral said, taking the glass from her hand, “They should have paid you more while you were a waitress.”

Nissa smiled. “Thank you.”

“Tell us what's on your mind,” said Chandra. Ral could see her through the wine glass as he took a drink.

“Alright, fine.”

Ral put the wine glass down on the table after he finished his sip. 

“But remember, I wouldn't be telling you this if you ladies weren't like family to me,” he said, pointing at the both of them, a very pointed look in his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, quit stalling,” said Chandra. She crossed her arms over her chest again, and rolled her brown eyes.

“Come on, Chandra, it seems like this has been bothering him for a long time…” Nissa said, placing her hand on Chandra’s shoulder.

Ral suddenly stood up. Nissa feared he would spill the wine all over the light carpet, but luckily, he didn't. She sighed in relief.

“Ugh, just look, I've always had a big stupid crush on Gideon, and when we met Jace, I thought he was really cute too. Next thing I know I’m falling for both of ‘em, and I can't quit thinkin’ about ‘em! I could tell they had heart eyes for each other since day one, man. Dunno why I couldn't just move on like a normal asshole. I'm so stupid, man, such an idiot.” Ral slowly lowered himself back to the couch, his hands covering up his eyes in shame. “I couldn’t stand to even look at them anymore.”

Chandra and Nissa were silent, their eyes large in shock.

“Aw, c’mon, man, ain’t gonna say anything?” Ral whined. Eventually he could feel Chandra's hand on his shoulder, rubbing circles into it.

“I'm really surprised you told us, Ral,” she said. “But I'm happy you did.”

Ral felt Nissa sit on the other side of him and pat him on the back. “Whaddya mean? You’re not surprised I'm crushing stupidly for a whole couple?”

“Uh,” started Chandra, sounding rather guilty. “No, I'm not surprised, sorry.”

“Ah, shit. I wonder if they know, too.” Ral groaned.

“I wouldn't think so,” said Nissa. “Usually when someone likes you it's difficult to tell.” She looked at Chandra and couldn’t help but smile. “You see, I liked Chandra for a very long time, but I had no idea she liked me back.”

Chandra sniffled and leaned over so far that her head could touch Nissa’s arm. Ral didn't feel too awkward with Chandra behind him. “Aw, Nissa, I love you…” she said.

“I love you too, Chandra,” Nissa said. She pet Chandra's hair behind her ear, and leaned down to kiss her on the forehead. Chandra hummed happily in response.

“Yeah, but, the difference is you guys like each other,” Ral said.

“What do you mean, ‘difference'?” Chandra asked.

“Neither of them like me. That's why they're dating, isn't it?”

Chandra and Nissa looked at each other, then back at Ral.

“What do you  _ want _ us to say?” Chandra asked.

Ral sighed. “Yeah, you're right. It was a dumb question.”

A metaphorical lightbulb appeared over Chandra's head, and she immediately leaned up and held Ral's shoulders. “Idea,” she said.

“What?” Ral asked.

“Everyone should stay over at my house for a halloween party!” Chandra said. “Maybe you can find some way to talk to Jace and Gideon again. I know you can do it, Ral. Win their hearts!”

Ral was dumbfounded. “That's crazy talk! They deserve each other. I don't want to ruin it…” Ral looked away. “Besides, why would they want to see me after I've declined seeing them so many times…”

“Do you really think Gideon, of all people, would leave you out to dry like that? You two have been friends since college, Ral. He's not going to do that to you,” Chandra said. Her lipstick accentuated her frown as she grasped his hand.

“You do realize Gideon's been asking where you’ve been? He and Jace are very worried about you,” Nissa added, looking equally concerned.

Ral was frustrated for a second, but then he laid his head back against the couch. “Alright, alright, I'll come to the halloween party. Under one condition.”

“And what would that be?” Chandra asked.

“You owe me a very sexy costume,” Ral said, smirking. “I won't settle for anything less.”

“Fine,” said Chandra. She extended her pinkie out to hook it with Ral’s. “It's a deal.”


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace forgets all about his birthday, but Gideon doesn't, so together they celebrate.

When Jace opened his eyes and turned to kiss Gideon good morning as he always did, the lack of Gideon in his place made him frown. Gideon had left him a sticky note, however, so he picked it up to read it.

 

“ _ I’m still here. _ ”

 

Jace smiled at the note. He loved Gideon's slightly messy handwriting. Gideon wrote with his left hand, so many things were difficult for him. Jace understood, as he could write with both hands, but luckily, he could do most things with his right. He tucked the note away into his nightstand, on top of the many other notes Gideon had written for him.

He considered getting out of bed, but the idea of abandoning the warmth of their blanket was too unappealing. Instead, he picked up where he last left off in his book. He had fallen asleep on it the night before, but Gideon had placed a bookmark inside and put it away from him.

Jace was almost at the end of his book when Gideon knocked on the door. Had it been Liliana, Jace would’ve complained, but instead he smiled and closed the novel without bookmarking.

“Happy birthday, Jace,” Gideon said, presenting a stack of pancakes with whipped cream and strawberries on top of them. Jace gasped. He had forgotten about his birthday!

“My suspicions confirmed. You totally forgot about your birthday!” Gideon laughed hard, and placed the tray of pancakes in front of Jace.

“Haha, well… I guess I did.”

Jace nuzzled under Gideon’s chin, and was rewarded with a kiss on his forehead.

“You’re twenty-six now, that's exciting,” Gideon said. “I thought about making twenty-six pancakes for your stack, but that probably would have ended badly.”

Jace laughed and smiled, leaning over to kiss Gideon on the lips.

“Still, it's the best birthday ever,” he said. “I wish I could have celebrated yours with you in February.”

“You can next year, it’ll be wonderful,” Gideon said.

Gideon put the old Blade Runner on the TV while Jace finished his pancakes. Jace teased Gideon about the whipped cream, knowing there was no way it was vegan. Gideon’s face had gone red as he admitted Jace was right.

Not that Jace really cared, though; he just wanted an excuse to see Gideon blush.

Jace liked having his birthday laid back and peaceful. He and Gideon took a nap after Blade Runner ended, peaceful piano music softly playing around them from their stereo. Jace had lovely dreams as he slept against Gideon’s chest.

 

Jace woke up much slower than he normally did. Gideon’s arms around Jace made him feel so safe and secure, and Gideon’s heartbeat kept Jace’s energy at bay. Jace opened his eyes slowly, oh so slowly, but then he closed them again. Gideon was simply too comfortable to lay on. He would not get up.

He stayed there for quite some time. He liked that he could feel the rise and fall of Gideon’s chest when he breathed, he liked that he could feel Gideon’s heartbeat against his ear, and he especially liked the warmth that gathered between their clothes and skin as they stayed close.

Jace still had his eyes closed by the time Gideon started to shift in his spot. He groaned a little, quiet but loud enough to hear, not wanting to get up at all for the rest of the day. Gideon was too sweet. Too comfortable. Jace didn’t want to go anywhere.

Blankets and sheets slid against each other as Gideon leaned forward to kiss the back of Jace’s head. Jace couldn’t help but smile at the feeling, and his cheeks grew visibly warm.

“You’re awake, aren’t you?” Gideon asked softly.

Jace nestled softly back against Gideon, laughing almost inaudibly.

“Barely,” he said. “Might drift off again at any moment…”

“You can go back to sleep, if you want,” said Gideon.

“No, no, I’d rather not…” said Jace. “I like laying here with you.”

Jace turned to face Gideon, his eyes still closed. “You’re warm and soft, and it feels good to just lay here,” he said. The sheets shifted again, and Jace felt Gideon’s soft, plump lips against his own. He laughed through his breath, and kissed Gideon back.

“It does, doesn’t it?” Gideon said.

“Yeah, it really does,” Jace said.

 

A few hours later, the couple had managed to get out of bed (however, it had required a lot of kissing, and a lot of blankets to fall off of them beforehand). They had taken off their clothes facing away from each other, and put new, fresh ones on, and brushed their teeth side by side. They washed their faces, laced up their boots, and put on their sweaters. Before walking out the door, Gideon grabbed the keys and took Jace’s hand into his own.

“Well, where are you taking me?” Jace asked. 

As he buckled himself, Gideon leaned in to kiss him. “You’ll just have to find out,” he said.

 

“I’ve reserved a table for two,” Gideon said.

They had arrived at a grill Chandra and Nissa recommended. Chandra had told Gideon that if he was really serious about Jace, he should take him to that specific grill. When Gideon had asked her why, Chandra lifted her left hand and pointed to her ring.

“I’ve never been here,” Jace said. A waitress was leading them to their table. It was by the window, just like Gideon requested.

“Neither have I,” Gideon said. “It’s good to explore new things with the person you love.”

Jace just smiled, his cheeks glowing almost as red as the ketchup bottle on the table. Gideon took Jace’s hands into his own and smiled back at him.

“Hey,” Gideon said, “Order whatever you like, alright? It’s on me.”

“Are you sure?” Jace asked, worry washing over his face. “Really, I can pay for my food, it’s alright…”

Gideon laughed and squeezed Jace’s hands. “Listen, honey, you get whatever you want from this menu. It’s your birthday.”

Gideon was surprised at how red Jace’s face could become. He even looked down to try and hide it a little. “Y-you called me honey…” he said.

Gideon couldn’t help but blush too. “Y-yeah, I guess I did.”

There was a small silence. Gideon noticed the warmth growing between his hands and Jace’s.

“I love you,” Gideon muttered. Jace’s eyes sparkled; Gideon let go one of his hands to wipe tears away from his eyes. “I really do, alright? When I call you things like… like ‘honey’... it means I really love you.”

Jace lit up as Gideon held his hand again. “I love you, too… I love you so much,” he said. “You’ve made me so happy, ever since I met you.”

Although he was smiling, Jace’s brown eyes still filled with tears as he looked at Gideon. Immediately, Gideon got up from his chair and kneeled in front of Jace to take his hands and kiss them, and then leaned up to kiss Jace on the lips. He caressed Jace’s face, then. “Oh, baby, it’s okay,” he said. “It’s okay.”

“I-I’m okay,” Jace sniffled. “It’s just that… After Liliana…”

Gideon rubbed Jace’s face in his hands. Jace smiled, and met eyes with Gideon.

“I didn’t know I’d ever be this happy,” Jace said, and then he kissed Gideon for a long moment.

 

When they had finally ordered their food and their food had finally come, their faces were red and their smiles were big as they ate and talked. Jace was eating a veggie burger, which had surprised Gideon when he ordered it, but Jace had told him he was genuinely thrilled to try one. Gideon ordered one, too, just so he’d know exactly what Jace was talking about when he inevitably commented on the flavor and texture. Jace liked to always make comments of this sort, and Gideon found it to be down-right adorable.

Gideon was surprised to discover that even Jace liked the veggie burger. The way he closed his eyes blissfully as he took his first bite was truly telling. Gideon still waited for a verbal response, though. He smiled and watched.

“Mm,” said Jace. “Wow, this is even better than a normal burger. I love the texture! I didn’t know rice could be used in a burger. The flavor is amazing, too. I’d rather eat this than a meat hamburger any day of the week.”

“Really? Well, I suppose I’ll have to taste it now,” said Gideon. He couldn’t help but smile and smile and smile. He was so happy that Jace liked it so much. Jace deserved the best, he thought.

Gideon agreed with Jace’s commentary about the veggie burger when he took a bite out of it. He kept smiling, not because the burger was just as good as Jace had said, but because he was happy.

Gideon had been happy before he met Jace, sure. He had good friends that he loved, a decent income, and he had lots of things to keep him busy. Jace had really brought a little something extra in Gideon’s life, however, something that was rather difficult to put a name to. They had been very good friends, of course, but when Jace had said he loved Gideon, something burst inside Gideon that gave him a rather permanent glow when he did much of anything.

Falling in love was a new feeling, and Gideon was going to cherish every moment of it.

“You’re right, it’s very good,” Gideon said. He reached out and covered Jace’s hand with his own. “Hey, after this, would you like to go on a walk in the park?”

Jace nodded and smiled.

 

October nineteenth, Jace had decided, was comparable to the day he finalized his divorce with Liliana. Gideon had successfully made him smile all day long. It really was the best birthday he’d ever had.

His hand was in Gideon’s as they slowly walked around at a nearby park. He even nestled his head against Gideon’s arm, dangerously cozy enough to fall asleep. If it were any warmer, Jace would already be snoozing against his boyfriend.

“Say, Gideon, have you ever dated a guy as short as me?” Jace asked.

“Oh, come on now, five-foot-six isn’t that short,” Gideon said.

Jace laughed through his nose. “You’re just saying that because Chandra is even smaller.”

It was Gideon’s turn to laugh, too. “I suppose you’re right, but when I dated her, I was less tall.”

Jace looked up at Gideon. “Is that so?” he asked, smiling.

“I was about six even,” Gideon said. “But I grew four inches after that.”

Jace hummed.

“To answer your question though, no, I don’t think I’ve dated any guys that were shorter than you.”

“I knew it!” Jace said. “How many other guys have you dated, anyway?” he asked. Surprisingly, there wasn’t even a tinge of jealousy in Jace’s tone. Simple curiosity. Gideon was glad for that.

“Well, I’ll be honest, only a few,” Gideon said. “I dated one in Greece, and then I dated one a few years later named Venser who you’ll probably meet one day, because Chandra is friends with one of his friends. But honestly, it was only one date. I could tell he was very distracted when we talked. After that, I went on one date with a friend of Ral’s. And I think that’s it.”

“That’s more than me,” Jace admitted. “I only dated one other girl besides Liliana, and that was in high school. You’re… the first guy I’ve been with,” he said, red rising up in his cheeks.

Gideon smiled and squeezed Jace’s hand. “It’s alright. I love being with you, Jace. You’re a wonderful boyfriend.”

Jace blushed even more, and pressed his forehead against Gideon’s arm. “Hey, um… Gideon. There’s something I need to tell you.”

“You can tell me anything, Jace,” Gideon said. He felt his stomach drop, and his heart tighten. He wondered if there was something else Liliana had done that Jace was too scared to talk about. He had been diagnosed with PTSD, and Gideon learned that sometimes people that have PTSD keep things inside for a long time, or sometimes forever, because of the trauma it caused. He really hoped nothing worse had happened between Jace and Liliana. “Do you… want to sit on that bench?”

“Um… No, I think I want to tell you right here,” Jace said.

Gideon had stopped in his tracks, but he wasn’t sure when. He took both of Jace’s hands into his own, and offered him a smile. “Okay, I’ll listen,” Gideon said.

Gideon squeezed Jace’s hands harder when they started to shake.

“You see, when I was really little, I… transitioned. My… My parents helped me. I was really lucky that they supported me. I picked the name Jace, and…” Jace stopped to sniffle. Some tears were starting to fall. Gideon released one of his hands to wipe some tears away. “Then, my dad died in a car accident, and for a long time I forgot… I forgot that I transitioned. My mom, she… after that she did a lot of drugs, and my uncle had to watch over me. My mom ended up in rehab. She’s still there, I think. I forgot again and again that I transitioned. When I was twelve, my mom had to tell me. She… she said I look very handsome. I haven’t seen her since…” Jace paused, and after a while he looked up at Gideon. “Gideon, I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you. I really like you a lot, and, in fact… I’ve fallen in love with you. So I was really scared to tell you and ruin everything. I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…”

Jace didn’t realize Gideon had been leaning in until they were kissing. Jace had started to hiccup while he was crying, so the little sounds passed through Gideon’s lips and he could feel them. Gideon let go of Jace’s hand to wrap him up in his arms as he kissed him. Gideon needed to show Jace how much he cared for him, how much he loved him, and how something like Jace being transgender would never change how he felt about him. Gideon eventually pulled away, but he couldn’t do it without kissing Jace on the nose and on his forehead.

“It’s okay, Jace, it’s alright. I love you so much. This won’t change how I feel about you, okay? I’m very happy that you told me, but this will never change how much I care for you,” Gideon said.

“O-okay… Thank you,” Jace said. He leaned up and kissed Gideon gently on the lips, tears still falling from his eyes. “I haven’t told anyone for a really, really long time… I didn’t even tell Liliana. But… I can trust you.”

“I trust you, too,” Gideon said. He kissed Jace again, and smiled at him. “Do you want to go home?”

Jace nodded happily, and took Gideon’s hand into his own. “Yes, let’s go home now,” he said.

 

At home, Jace was eating a slice of delivery strawberry shortcake that Gideon had ordered for him. It came in a little white box with Jace’s name written on it. Gideon kissed his cheek and held Jace around the waist as he ate it, and Jace’s cheeks managed to stay red.

“The cake is really good, thanks,” Jace said. “Maybe I’ll have the rest for breakfast.”

“That’s a good idea,” Gideon said. “And the rest of your veggie burger for lunch.”

“Mhm,” Jace said. He closed his eyes, and leaned back into Gideon’s arms. “I should brush my teeth.”

“So should I,” Gideon said. He leaned back with Jace in his arms, and pulled the covers over them. Jace laughed, and slid the cake box into the mini-fridge on the other side of the bed.

“Maybe later,” Jace said.

“Like when? In the morning?” Gideon asked. Jace laughed again, and nuzzled into Gideon’s chest.

“Yeah, in the morning,” he said.

Slowly, Jace fell asleep in Gideon’s arms, only to dream of strawberries and washcloths: warm and soft, just like his love for Gideon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiii thank you for reading! i'm super sorry how long this took to write. i've been reading more books, and while that's certainly helping my writing a lot, it is also very time consuming.  
> also, if you're wondering why i gave jace my birthday, just [look at this](https://incorrect-mtg-theories.tumblr.com/post/166581572711/incorrect-theory-today-is-jaces-birthday-its)


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chandra's Halloween party and sleepover!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone, sorry it's been so long! I ran into a bump with this story (and in life, I'm being real) because I wasn't sure about the direction I really wanted to go in. Luckily, I have found some solutions. They're about Ral, and I hope you won't be too mad at me! He'll be okay. I really wanted to finish this, and I wouldn't be able to come back without these changes, so I really hope you all respect them. Anyway, here is a 'new' chapter (with the quotes because it was written about a year ago, with some recent edits). Enjoy!

Jace and Gideon's apartment was a complete mess on Halloween. They had spent all day working on Halloween decorations. There was so much paint, fabric, and glitter glue everywhere. They spent a little too long drinking and kissing and getting glitter glue on each other before actually getting ready. It was Jace’s first Halloween with Gideon, and would probably be his favorite.

“You make quite the fine Spider-Man.” Gideon was smiling widely as Jace came out of the bedroom. “You look like him. If I were in charge of acting roles, I’d cast you as Peter Parker.”

Jace smiled and walked over to Gideon. He hugged him, and rested his face against Gideon’s chest. “Too bad he didn’t have a big, strong boyfriend. Then  _ he _ could have been swept off his feet.”

Gideon laughed. “Too bad indeed.”

They kept holding each other for a little while. Eventually, Gideon backed away, and caressed Jace’s cheek. “Let me get my costume on,” he said. Jace nodded and followed Gideon into the bedroom. As Gideon took off his shirt and revealed a tight tank top underneath, Jace blushed and covered his eyes with his hands.

Gideon laughed softly. “You don't have to look away, Jace.”

But Jace shook his head, his shy smile wavering. “I can't look…”

Gideon laughed and continued changing. When he was finished, he peeled Jace's hands away from his eyes. “Alright, I'm changed now.”

“Wowww,” said Jace. He opened Gideon's robes and hid inside, as close to Gideon as he could get. “You're the most handsome Jedi ever.”

“Thank you, Jace,” said Gideon. He held Jace in his arms and cradled him gently. “Although, I broke a Jedi rule. One of the most prominent.”

“What's that?” Jace asked, looking up at Gideon.

“I fell in love. That's a big problem, you know,” Gideon said.

Jace found himself speechless. He buried his face in Gideon’s chest. “That's gay.”

“So are you,” Gideon laughed. “Your face is so red.”

Jace hummed happily against Gideon's warm chest. “Yes, I am.”

“Speaking of gay, we should probably leave soon. Chandra and Nissa are probably expecting us by now.”

“Yeah, we should. I need to make sure I have everything in my backpack. And clean up all that glitter…”

 

Ral had no idea what sort of costume Chandra and Nissa had chosen for him. He showed up early, just in case there was going to be trouble in the outfitting process. He didn’t expect any trouble, but then again, things were kind of difficult to expect when they were Chandra’s plans.

Chandra, dressed in a witch costume, opened the door for Ral a few seconds later. She had on a little black dress, striped socks, and a black, pointed hat with a red ribbon tied around its base. “Hi Ral! Welcome to my spooky gay mansion!” Chandra was as cheerful as ever. If that hadn’t been her normal personality, Ral would have expected this joy to come from her pregnancy.

“Pregnant lesbian witch. Very good costume,” laughed Ral.

“You think  _ this _ is good? You need to see Nissa. She’s absolutely  _ gorgeous _ .” She opened the door and swung out her arm, gesturing to Ral to come in.

“Don’t you worry, I will,” Ral said. “What costume do you have for me, by the way?”

Chandra wiggled her eyebrows. “You'll see, you batchelor, you,” she said.

Nissa came out into the living room, holding a plate of Halloween cookies.

“It's my vampire wife!” Chandra said excitedly. Nissa put the plate of cookies down on the plate, smiling at Ral and Chandra.

“Happy Halloween, Ral,” Nissa said. “Take a cookie. They’re nice and hot.”

Nissa looked stunning. She was dressed as a very classic gothic vampire this year, and she was as graceful as a vampire could get. She had bright red lipstick, much like Chandra’s, and fake vampire teeth. Ral could see why Chandra felt how she did.

“Thanks Nissa.” Ral took a stack of cookies. He refused to use a plate, though.

“Follow me to your costume.” Chandra pulled Ral by the sleeve. Ral wondered why she bothered asking him to follow. She led Ral to her and Nissa's room. There was a costume hanging on the wall next to their dressers.

“Oh my god,” Ral said. “This is the sexiest Indiana Jones costume I've ever seen.”

“Nissa and I made it!” Chandra clasped her hands together. “I’m so glad you like it.”

“Of course, you asked for my measurements,” Ral laughed. “Well, let's put this baby on! Thanks Chandra. I needed this.”

“Anything for a friend in need,” Chandra said, taking a bow. “You can change in our bathroom if you like.”

 

Nissa opened the front door for Jace and Gideon when they arrived, half-expecting them to be trick-or-treaters. They were that late. Her vampire teeth were bright as day as she smiled at them. “Hello, you two. Welcome to Chandra and I’s ‘Spooky Gay Mansion’ as she has deemed it worthy.” She paused for a second, admiring their costumes. “Great costumes.”

“Thanks, where did Chandra and Ral go?” he asked.

“Chandra is in our room helping Ral with his costume,” Nissa said, smiling. “They should be out soon. In the meantime, would you like some cookies, Jace?”

“I’d love some cookies,” Jace said. Immediately, he went over and sat on the couch to have some.

Nissa turned her attention to Gideon. “And for you, Gideon, there are some other snacks on the table labeled ‘vegan'.” 

“Thank you as always, Nissa.”

 

Ral was feeling a tad awkward as he followed Chandra out of her and Nissa’s room. He had stripped in front of both Gideon and Jace before, so he felt strange that now he would feel nervous. Maybe it was the fact that he had asked Chandra and Nissa help him feel sexy in front of his crushes on Halloween.

He hadn't really been expecting a costume as sexy as the one he had on, if he was honest. He knew if he personally saw Indiana Jones in a chest-exposing shirt, booty shorts, and heeled boots, he wouldn't be able to watch the movies without biting his lip the whole time. But here he was in that exact costume, looking fine as hell.

He tried not to worry what Jace and Gideon were going to think.

Chandra reassuringly patted Ral on the arm. “You look amazing,” she said.

“Thanks.”

But Ral was still nervous.

 

Luckily Ral had been trained to keep a smile on his lips no matter how he felt during a performance. He struck a pose as soon as he laid eyes on Jace and Gideon. If he could do anything, Ral knew he could make them laugh.

And when they did, Ral couldn't stop smiling.

“Ral!” Gideon stood up and walked over to Ral, giving him a big hug. “It's been a long time.”

Ral hugged Gideon back, and enjoyed the warmth while it lasted. He felt something around his waist, too. Ral looked behind himself to see what it was.

Sure enough, it was Jace. He was shoving his cheek into Ral's back, and his eyes were closed.

“Hey Gid, hey little blue,” Ral ruffled Jace's hair with one hand, and kept the other on Gideon’s back. “I'm sorry it's been forever.”

“It's alright,” Gideon said, “As long as we get to see you again soon.”

“You will, I promise.” Ral paused. He looked at the floor under him. “As long as you want to see me.”

“We do,” said Jace, “A lot.”

“I’m glad,” said Ral.

“You guys wanna watch a movie?” Chandra interrupted.

“Yeah sure,” Ral said. He broke away from Gideon and Jace, and let himself linger on them for a little while longer.

“Chandra thought you might want to watch one of the films you're dressed from,” Nissa said.

“Yeah! What do you guys want to watch?” Chandra asked.

“Let's see Indie in action. What do you think, Ral?”

“I think you owe me a few movie nights,” said Ral, laughing.

Jace smiled and pulled Ral away to the couch to sit with him. “Gideon and I have a lot of movies you could watch with us,” he said. Gideon sat on the other side of Ral.

Chandra sat on the other couch, allowing some room for Nissa to sit next to her after the movie was in the DVD player. Nissa sat down next to her and put a blanket over their legs, and then pressed a kiss to Chandra's forehead.

“You're the best wife,” Chandra said.

 

It didn't take long for Jace to lay his head against Ral's shoulder, and for Gideon to have his arm around Ral. The blanket over their laps was warm.

On the other couch, Chandra fell asleep with her back against Nissa. She forgot to take her makeup off. She too tuckered out. Nissa smiled and kissed her cheek.

“I'm sorry, but I need to take Chandra to bed,” she said, tucking a strand of Chandra's hair behind her ear. “I'll bring more blankets when I come back for you all.”

The three guys just nodded and smiled at her.

 

Chandra grabbed Nissa's hands as she tucked her to bed.

“Don't goooo,” she whined, very obviously falling asleep again.

Nissa smiled and kissed Chandra on the lips. “I will be back, sweetheart,” she said. She tucked Chandra in under their flower-patterned covers.

Nissa brought three cozy blankets for their guests out in the living room, and set them in a pile.

“Do you need anything else?” she asked.

“Nah, we’re good, thanks,” said Ral.

Nissa smiled and walked off to her room. She took off her own makeup and put her pajamas on, and then helped Chandra get to bed. She was heavier pregnant.

The window was open as they fell asleep.

 

Ral, Jace, and Gideon had made a spot on the floor to sleep. It wasn't long before Jace fell asleep with his cheek pressed to Ral's shoulder. Ral gave Gideon a guilty look, but Gideon only smiled and held Jace's hand.

“Hey, Ral,” Gideon whispered. Jace stirred a little in his sleep, but it didn't last long.

“Yeah?”

“I've never seen anyone fall asleep on your bony shoulder like that.”

Ral smiled, and looked at Jace.

“Goodnight, Ral,” Gideon leaned against Jace, falling asleep quickly beside him.

Ral, on the other hand, did not have it so easy. Just the thought of Jace asleep against him had him burning up from the inside out. He was breathing so peacefully, too, and it didn’t help that it went right against Ral's ear.

Eventually, though, he got so tired just from keeping his eyes open that he passed out.

 

In the morning, Ral felt something heavy against his chest. It was Jace’s head. He was very warm. Ral found it cute that Jace was so short that when he laid between Gideon and Ral, he could make a bridge between them. His hair tickled the bottom of Ral’s chin, and Ral couldn’t help but smile.

Gideon and Jace were both still sleeping. Ral eventually went back to sleep too.

 

Until, that is, someone sneezed a few hours later.

Ral opened his eyes. Jace was sitting up and rubbing his face, and then he sneezed. Ajani, Chandra and Nissa’s cat, circled around him.

“You okay?” Ral asked, patting Jace on the back.

“Yeah, just a sneeze… I’m not allergic,” Jace said. But he was still sniffling and rubbing his eyes. Ral held his shoulder and turned him around.

“Oh come on, don’t lie about an allergy–” Ral started saying, but he stopped. Jace was covering his eyes with both hands.

“I’m not,” Jace said.

“Okay, I believe you,” Ral said. “But you’re hiding something else, aren’t you?”

Jace didn’t say anything. Instead, he flopped over and shoved his head into Ral’s chest.

“Ow,” Ral said. Jace sniffled. “Come on, let me see your face, little blue.”

Jace shook his head into Ral’s chest. “Nuh-uh.”

Gideon woke up, and yawned as he sat up. He made a worried glance at Jace.

“Is he alright?” he asked Ral.

“Don't think so. He won't let me look at his face.”

Jace groaned.

“Come on, sweetheart, if you aren't feeling well, please know we’re here for you,” Gideon said. He rubbed circles into Jace's back, to which Jace seemed to melt. He started to shake a little, so Ral hugged him.

“It's alright little blue,” he said. “It's okay. There's no shame in being sad.”

“What's wrong, Jace?” Gideon asked.

“I… I had a bad dream…” Jace mumbled into Ral's chest. “It's dumb, I'm sorry.”

“Nah, it ain't dumb. Something scare you?” Ral asked.

Gideon hugged Jace too. He was being surrounded by warmth.

“... Liliana was in it… she…” Jace was sniffling, and couldn't get himself to finish his sentence.

“It's alright, Jace,” Gideon said, squeezing Jace tightly. “Liliana won't be around you any more.”

“Besides, you’ve got us,” Ral said.

Jace nodded, and slowly backed away.

“Thank you… I-I think I'm feeling overwhelmed…” Jace said. His hands were in his lap, but they were shaking.

“Do you want to go home?” Gideon offered, kissing Jace on his head.

“Yeah, I'm sorry…” Jace said.

“No worries, little blue. I can see ya tomorrow, if you like,” Ral said. “Take care of yourself.”

That's when Chandra stepped into the room.

“You're leaving? Awe!” she said, pouting. “Nissa was gonna make some cinnamon rolls!”

“I'm sorry,” said Jace.

“It's alright, just come here and give me a hug.”

Jace smiled and hugged her. “Thank you for having us over,” he said.

“Of course,” said Chandra. “I'll have Ral bring you some cinnamon rolls!”

“Thanks,” said Jace.

Ral helped Jace and Gideon fold up their blankets and gather their things, and then they were out the door, hand in hand.

 

“That went well,” Chandra said.

“What do you mean? Jace had a nightmare that shook him up,” Ral said.

“I mean the party! You all slept pretty close together. Plus, you got to hug one of your crushes. Isn't that the best?” Chandra smiled.

Ral's face was hot. “Yeah, I guess…” He averted his gaze.

“Hehe! I know how you feel, Ral,” Chandra said, putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “I think things are going to be a lot better than you think.”

“I hope you're right,” Ral said.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ral has his stripper show. Afterwards, he discovers something that drives him crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! First I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has stuck around, I love u ^_^ Secondly, I wanted to point out that I changed the tags! Whoo! I love when things are clean. You will notice them change more over time when the plot develops. This chapter was kind of a wild ride to write, and I’ve taken some time to release it because I am extremely nervous to post it, and you’ll see why later on in the story. I'm not amazingly happy with how the end turned out, but I'm living with it. Anyway, I’m done rambling (for now). Please check out the notes at the bottom when you’re done reading for a few other notes regarding this chapter in particular!

Ral was performing a charity show at  _ Izzet Magic? _ and Gideon and Jace were attending. The proceeds were going to HIV and AIDs research and treatment. Ral had invited as many people as he possibly could. He would have invited Chandra and Nissa to come, but Chandra was exhausted. The baby had been kicking all night, and since it was her eighth month, she felt a lot of fatigue anyway. She and Nissa did donate, however, so that was enough for him.

Ral was feeling very confident. He was going to be the star of the show today, and he felt absolutely gorgeous in his costume. He was wearing a pink robe over it, however, because there was going to be a big reveal in the beginning of the show.

“Almost done with your eyeliner, sweetie.”

“Yo, thanks.”

Ral was closing his eyes as a coworker of his lined them. He didn't normally wear a lot of makeup, but even the slightest amount of eyeliner made Ral all the more stunning.

When Ral opened his eyes, he gasped. The eyeliner on top had small wings. On the bottom, he had a red streak under his left eye, and a blue streak under his right. He looked dazzling.

“You look gorgeous, honey,” said his coworker.

“Oh girl, I know,” Ral said, admiring himself in the mirror.

“Just you wait ‘til your crushes see you,” said another coworker.

Ral had an offended look on his face as he shushed his coworker.

He was ushered out to behind the curtains, and waited for his cue. When they opened, he waltzed out to a roaring crowd. Gideon and Jace were right there in the front, leaning against each other and smiling their brightest smiles at Ral. He couldn't help but smile back at them.

“Hey fuckers, let's kick homophobia’s ass!” he shouted. He rolled his shoulders back and untied the robe, throwing it toward Gideon and Jace. The robe hit Jace in the face, and Gideon laughed and took it off of him. The crowd was in awe at Ral's appearance.

He was wearing a playboy bunny costume. The pleather leotard was half blue, and half red, corresponding with his eyeliner. His bunny ears were coordinated, too. He was a rabbit of his own kind. The fishnets and high-heels he wore made his legs look so much longer than they really were. Beyonce’s “Flawless” started to play, and three back-up strippers appeared to lift Ral in the air. He grabbed a pole from there, and flipped over so his legs and feet pointed toward the ceiling. He spun all the way down until he touched the floor, and blew glitter at the crowd. One of the other strippers lifted him up from the bottom, and two others felt up Ral's sides. Ral flipped backward from his position, and with that, the crowd tossed dollar bills toward the stage. He grabbed back onto the pole, and climbed all the way up to the ceiling. When he hung from it like a bat, there was hollering and whistling and more money coming toward the stage. He stayed there for a little while and kept swinging and swaying for the music, but with perfect timing he latched back onto the pole and spun all the way back down to the floor, and then he bowed.

When “Drunk in Love” started playing, all of the strippers danced together. Ral pulled one of the strippers by the tie and got up close to his face, and peeled off his jacket. One by one, the man’s clothes disappeared until he too was in a playboy bunny outfit. Ral pushed him away when he was done with him and laid tummy-first by the crowd, mouthing the words as he did. He rolled onto his back and kept his eyes on Gideon and Jace, keeping them half-lidded and seductive as he rolled. Behind him, the other strippers stripped each other down until they were all black-and-white playboy bunnies.

 

By the end of it all Ral had exhausted all of his energy. It felt good. Good because it was a great workout. It was a great show. But best of all, he’d be supporting people - some of which were his friends - who were suffering. That made him unbelievably happy. He hoped it would do some good.

The shower was kinda cold, Ral noticed, but maybe it was because his skin was so warm. Warm and sweaty. He kept a dry towel against his face to keep the makeup from disappearing into the water. It looked good. He wanted to keep it on. His clean clothes were hung up on the short and white wall next to him. They got a little wet, but they would have to do. As much as he loved the bunny outfit, he couldn't smell like his own sweat (or others’ sweat, for that matter - gross - or maybe sexy?). He wrapped his hair up in the towel to soak up as much water as possible. Then, he got dressed. He just wore a tank top with a red hoodie over it, and some gray sweatpants (he wanted to wear his skinnies, but he remembered he would need a shower and if that meant denim clinging to skin he wasn't into it). He slid on his Keds and walked out to see Jace and Gideon, who were sitting at the bar and sharing some fruit.

“Hey fruits.”

“Ral!” Gideon stood up, as did Jace, each with a large smile across their happy faces. Ral received hugs from both of them.

“You were great, that looked really difficult,” Jace said.

“You also got a lot of money for the cause!” said Gideon.

Ral nodded pridefully. “Damn right. I'm hungry. And tired. I want to get on a couch and sleep.”

“A couch?” said Jace.

“You mean like our couch?” said Gideon.

Ral nodded casually. “If that's cool.”

Jace and Gideon looked at each other, and nodded. “Yeah, of course!” Gideon said.

“Cool. I'm gonna, fuckin’ uh, get some chicken strips.”

“Okay, we’ll be sitting here,” Jace said.

“Gay,” Ral said. He walked away to order.

Jace shrugged, Gideon laughed.

 

Ral ate his chicken strips on the way to Gideon’s car. He liked them covered in barbecue sauce. When Jace saw, he made a weird face, and said “Yuck.” Ral thought that was funny, and kept trying to shove chicken strips in Jace’s face. Jace always shooed them away. “I’ll take a fry,” he would say.

“Oh god.” Ral’s mouth was stuffed with chicken, and he struggled to talk properly. “Don’t tell me Gideon is… turning you into a vegan.”

“Not yet. Would you hate that?”

“Naw. It just means I can’t offer you half my food.”

Jace snorted.

“Come on you two,” Gideon said. “Car’s waiting.”

“We have short legs,” Ral whined.

“You’re six-foot, you egg,” Jace said, jabbing Ral in the side.

“Okay, well,  _ you _ have little tiny legs.”

“No I don’t. Eat your strips.”

“ _ Strips _ …”

“Seriously. Car.” Gideon had his hands on his hips.

Jace ran to Gideon, kissed his cheek, and got in the car. Ral walked as slowly as he could to agitate Gideon.

He ate the rest of his chicken strips in the car.

 

When they got to Jace and Gideon’s place, Ral practically leaped from the car. “C’mon Jace, go open the compost bin for me,” he said.

“Why?” Jace got out of the car more carefully, and followed Ral.

“Jesus, Ral, what are you doing?” Gideon got out last.

“Just open it for me, Jace.”

“Fine… whatever happens, I’m not to blame.” Jace walked over to the compost bin and opened it. Gideon stood next to him. Ral stood about ten feet away, and chucked his compostable basket into the bin. A little bit of barbecue sauce flew straight toward Jace’s face.

“I  _ hate _ you,” Jace said. Gideon wiped off the sauce for him.

Ral cackled. “Nah, you love me. Gideon, let’s go inside and drink.”

 

And they did. Gideon poured some rosé into some clear and gold gradient wine glasses, and put them on a tray that he put on the coffee table, along with the bottle.

Ral already had the remote in hand and started flipping through some channels. Jace showed up a few seconds later with a pile of blankets, flopped on the couch, and buried himself with them. Ral poked the foot that was sticking out. Gideon made himself comfortable by Jace, who put his head into Gideon's lap.

“You gonna share?”

“No.” Jace’s voice was muffled.

“Kay thanks.”

So Ral took a blanket from Jace’s pile and spread it over his legs. He finally settled on a cooking show, and of course, he chose one with a focus on meat.

“Oh God. You're making me want to get drunk.”

Ral snorted. “Good. Let's all drink.”

Jace made a sound that meant “I don't want to get up.” But Ral hoisted him up, and wrapped him in all of his blankets.

“Yup. This seems good.”

Jace sighed and took a sip. “Pretty good.”

 

Eventually they all got so tipsy that they built a pillow fort on Jace and Gideon’s bed. The problem was, only Jace could fit.

“Damn,” said Ral. “I thought this would work.”

While Jace stayed inside the fort, Gideon and Ral leaned back against the headboard.

“You know, I’m really glad we’re getting closer again,” Ral said.

“I am, too,’” said Gideon.

“No, I mean like, you guys are two of four of my best friends, I’m serious. Chandra and Nissa are great, but you guys… I guess you’re different.”

“Different how?” Jace asked, his face muffled by the blankets.

“Well, I don’t know, you’re not like, my moms.”

Gideon snorted. “I know what you mean.”

“I don’t… really think you do. Not unless I explain it.” Ral rubbed his temples with the palms of his hands.

“Can you explain it?” Gideon asked.

“Uh… no.” Ral noticed his phone buzz, so he took it from his pocket and looked at it.

iMessage 1:32am, Nissa: “Ral, Chandra won’t sleep. She really wants to talk about Jace and Gideon. Will you call one of us?”

Ral sighed and responded. “Sure, one sec.”

 

“Hey, I have to take a phone call, I’ll be back.” Ral patted Gideon on the shoulder, and messed up Jace’s hair.

“Um, okay,” said Jace.

They watched Ral slowly get up, pat down his pants, and walk out of the room. A few seconds later, they heard him close the front door. Jace slowly crawled out of the pillow fort, and shuffled to Gideon’s side to hold his hand.

“Can you hear me out?” Jace asked.

“Of course.”

Gideon squeezed his hand.

 

“How's it going?”

Chandra was a little too enthusiastic. She must’ve known nothing had happened, that nothing  _ would _ happen. Of course she knew that. She was just being a good friend.

Ral hoped he could sleep on the couch, go home without saying goodbye, and sleep until he’d moved on. He didn't want to hurt what Gideon and Jace had, and he didn't want to hurt the friendship he had with them either. He considered kissing them both one after the other as a way without words to tell them how he felt, but he knew that would fuck everything up. He thought about Jace. When that asshole— whose name Ral had forgotten a while ago— came up to Liliana and kissed her in front of Jace. That was right before he threw his ring at her, demanded a divorce, and ran. It was a rightful reaction, Ral thought. He didn't want Jace to remember that if he kissed Gideon. If he kissed Jace first, well… he didn't know how Gideon would react. He would probably be protective and kick Ral out. That would be fair. Either way, Ral knew he couldn’t do that.

In all honesty, Ral was horrified to pursue anything with them.

“Fine,” he said.

 

“I think Ral has a crush on you.” Jace said. He was smiling, which shocked Gideon.

“Why are you so happy about it?” Gideon shook his head. “That's not it, he has a crush on  _ you _ .”

Jace kissed him on the chin. “You think so?”

 

“What are you doing! Are you cuddling with them right now? Can I talk to them too?”

“No, Chandra. I'm thinking about leaving. I can't stand to look at them. It hurts. I don't want to ruin everything they've built. It would be selfish.”

“Ral… You know you wouldn't ruin anything.”

“I'm actually positive I would. Aren't you supposed to be busy being pregnant?”

“Maybe, but I can't help but wonder if you're okay.”

“...”

“Ral, you're breaking your own heart, and you know it.”

 

“What if he likes both of us?” Jace asked.

Gideon held Jace's hands and kissed them. “What are you doing, Jace? Are you worried about something?”

Jace looked down, and his cheeks turned red. “I think Ral's cute. I think we should cuddle with him.”

Gideon went silent for a little bit, pondering what Jace could mean.

“Really? I… think he's cute too.”

“How come you never kissed him?”

“I don't know…”

“You like him.” Jace smiled brightly, and rested his head against Gideon's shoulder.

“Yeah, but so do you.” Gideon held Jace's face, and Jace nodded, so Gideon leaned in to kiss him.

 

Ral hung up on Chandra. His face hurt. He didn't want to cry, but he was dangerously close to doing it. He told himself he was almost thirty. That it was time to stop being a baby.

He hoped Jace and Gideon wouldn't notice that he was coming in. He opened the door slowly, and headed for the table. He picked up his wallet. When he looked up, Jace was standing there. Ral shuddered, and forced a smile.

“Don't scare me, blue.”

“You're going to leave, aren't you…” Jace looked down, interlocking his own fingers.

“Uh, n-no I was just… I was checking—”

Jace hugged him tight around his middle. “Don't go,” he said.

“Fuck,” Ral said. His face heat up, and he felt the tears start to well up.

“You really shouldn't,” said Gideon. Ral looked up, and he saw Gideon in the doorway. “There's something we want to say.”

Jace took Ral’s hand, and then Gideon did, and they all sat on the bed again.

“What's going on…? Are you guys going to move away or something?” Ral sniffled. “Is one of you… please don't tell me one of you is sick.”

Jace shook his head.

“We think… we think you like us,” Gideon said.

Ral's eyes widened, and he fell back off the bed. Everything went blurry. Shit, they knew. They knew everything. Fuck. He'd already ruined everything. He didn't realize how much he was crying already.

“Ral?” Jace climbed down and helped Ral sit up. “Don't cry, I like you.”

“W-what?” Ral's head was probably bruised. Jace must’ve known. He was rubbing it as gently as he could.

“I like you. Gideon does, too. He's just shy. He has a hard time saying it.”

Ral's face was completely blotchy and red. He felt like a mess. Was he dreaming? He felt too gross for it to be a dream.

Gideon climbed down, too, and took Ral's hand. “It's true,” he said. “Do you like Jace? And… me?”

Ral looked at each of them and sniffled. He felt pathetic, but happy, too. “Yes.”

He was smiling. It was a wobbly smile, but it was a smile nonetheless.

 

Ral cried for a long time after that. He wasn't really sure how he felt, but he was relieved. Now they knew. Jace and Gideon each held one of his hands as they slept, their heads pressed against his neck. He couldn't sleep. This was all so overwhelming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI ok so I wanted to point out a few things. First, writing the stripping scene and the chicken strip scenes were both my favorite to write. I’m finding lately I like stupid humor about food or just. Anything. LOL. I also wanted to point out that the end of this chapter **was not something I had changed from the plot**. However, as you will see in the future, there will be changes that I will tell you about (e.g. hey! XYZ are changes from the original plot plan) because I think that is somewhat important. Thank you again for reading and sticking around, it means a lot to me and really makes me want to eventually finish this whole thing.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He looked to his right, and saw Jace. He looked to his left, and he saw Gideon. He took a deep breath, and slid out from between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i return... and today i turned 20. lol, check the end for more notes.

Though Ral had fallen asleep after everyone else, he still woke up first. He looked to his right, and saw Jace. He looked to his left, and he saw Gideon. He took a deep breath, and slid out from between them.

He went to the bathroom and frowned at the mirror.

“Ew.”

Ral’s eyeliner had faded and his hair stood up everywhere. He wished he had a change of clothes with him, or at least some makeup wipes. He sighed. He needed to go to the drug store if he was going to be around Jace and Gideon any longer that day.

He went back to the bedroom. He saw Jace was still asleep with Gideon’s arm around him. Gideon was very much awake. He looked up at Ral from his phone, and smiled.

“Good morning,” he said.

“Hi.” Ral said. He got back into bed, on the other side of Jace. He considered kissing him on the head, but he didn’t.

“You seem hesitant.” Gideon reached to move Ral’s hair behind his ear. “Are you okay?”

“I think so. I guess… I guess I just don’t want to ruin what we already had. What you and Jace have…”

“You won’t, no matter what happens.” Gideon touched Ral’s cheek. “Don’t worry what happens, okay? It’ll be fine.”

Ral nodded. He didn’t believe it, though. No matter what, he would do whatever he could to make sure Gideon and Jace would be happy.

Suddenly Jace turned toward Ral and stretched. He opened his eyes, and smiled. “Oh, hello. Good morning.”

“Hey,” Ral said. “No bad dreams?”

“Only good ones.” Jace kissed Ral on the cheek. “How about you?”

“Nah, no dreams at all for me.”

Jace snorted. “Your eyeliner looks funny.”

Ral couldn’t help but laugh. He supposed what he really needed was a lighter mood. “Shut up, you don’t know the struggle. Also, can we go to the drug store? I need a toothbrush if I’m gonna start staying here regularly. And makeup wipes. And some clothes I can just leave here.”

Gideon nodded. “Maybe we should just go shopping?”

“I guess we know what we’re doing today.” Ral laughed.

 

Ral chewed on his breakfast cookie on the bar stool. Gideon was heating up something he had prepped the night before, but not much of it. They were going out to breakfast later.

“Where’s Jace? I thought he’d be dressed by now.” Ral finished his cookie and downed some water.

Before Gideon could respond, Jace appeared and tucked a new toothbrush into Ral’s hand. “You can have this. I got it at the dentist recently but I already had a new toothbrush.”

“Thanks. Move out of the way, my mouth tastes like a swamp.”

Jace smiled like a man who’d just stolen diamonds. “Nope.” He blocked Ral from leaving, and moved when Ral moved. After a while Gideon picked Jace up and squeezed him. Jace squeaked. “Oh nooo! Put me down!”

“No.” Gideon kissed Jace on the neck. “Go brush your teeth, Ral.”

“Fuckin’ right I will.” Ral ran to the bathroom. Jace couldn’t stop him from having a fresh mouth, especially if he was going to start kissing him all the time.

He went back into the dining room to see Jace and Gideon watching him expectantly. “Ready to go?”

Ral shrugged. “I guess. Please get me new clothes like now.”

Gideon laughed, and came over to Ral to put his arm around him. “Of course. Come on, let’s go.”

 

They started their shopping adventure in the drug store a few blocks from Gideon’s house to get Ral some makeup wipes, which he immediately used in the car. “I’m back bitches,” he said.

“You look gay,” Jace said.

“That’s the look.” Ral chucked the makeup wipe into the paper drug store bag.

“You better toss that when we get home.” Gideon shook his head, which Ral could see in the mirror.

“Yes, your  _ majesty _ .”

Gideon tried not to smile, but he couldn’t help it. “Haha, well, we’re here.” Gideon parked his car, and got out. Ral followed, and then Jace.

“What are you gonna get, ya thick vegan?” Ral asked. He jabbed Gideon in the side a few times, and Gideon flinched.

“Ow, what the heck!”

“Sorry, not sorry.”

 

Ral felt kind of awkward sitting next to Gideon and across from Jace at the restaurant. It really felt like he was on a date with them. He kind of wanted to lean on Gideon’s shoulder, but he didn’t. Jace kicked at Ral’s feet as he viewed the menu.

“What are  _ you _ getting?” Jace asked.

“Hm, let’s see. Crêpes and potatoes,” said Gideon.

“Mm, that sounds good. Ral?”

“Mickey Mouse pancakes.”

Jace just snorted. “Really?”

“I mean, fuck yeah, I miss being a kiddo, and I want a lot of bacon. Sorry Gideon.”

“Stop that,” Gideon said. He was smiling, though, and he wrapped his arm around Ral’s shoulders.

“I want an omelette. And soda.” Jace took off his jacket, revealing a t-shirt with a puppy on it.

“Wait, holy shit, Jace. That  _ shirt _ .  _ Honey. _ I should have dated you years ago.” Ral reached forward to touch the puppy’s nose.

Jace raised his eyebrows. “I was with a very possessive woman. You know that.”

Ral shook his head. “Your first mistake was thinking that would stop me.”

“I wish I was more like you back then...” Gideon sighed.

Jace put his hand over Gideon’s, and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “It’s okay, you’re still the best.”

 

All of their food showed up around the same time. Ral dug in immediately, Gideon cut everything up before eating, and Jace took tiny bites that drove Ral crazy. It was way too slow.

Ral did eventually rest his head on Gideon’s shoulder, but it felt weird. They had been friends for a long time, and now it was different. It was less awkward being affectionate with Jace, and he assumed that was because Jace made more jokes and that Ral hadn’t known him nearly as long as he had Gideon. He didn’t want to seem distant, though. He really did like Gideon. It was only fair that he acted like it.

 

After breakfast, they went out shopping. Their first stop was to a basic clothing store. Ral got a new t-shirt and some jeans. He felt a lot less of a mess after he changed into them.

In another store, Gideon spotted a vegan cookbook and flipped through it. Meanwhile, Ral spotted a very small puppy phone charm. He pointed to it and said “Jace, that’s you.”

Jace scrunched up his face and tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

“I mean like, look at it. Gideon, vouch for me here,” said Ral. Gideon looked up, closed the vegan cookbook (but he did not put it down) and came over.

“Let me see it.” Gideon took the charm into his large hand. “Yeah, I think so.”

Jace pouted. “Well, are you going to buy it for me?”

Ral did.

 

For a few days, Ral had been back in his apartment by himself. It was kinda cold and lonely. He looked at all his stuff. It was all over the place. There were clothes all over the floor from before everything, when he’d have one night stands and not worry about picking it up the next day. His inventions were all over his shelves, his desk, one of them big enough to take up a whole spot on the floor. His kitchen was littered with chocolate bars, unrinsed bottles that once had all kinds of alcohol in them, bacon grease, crumbs, and empty chip bags.

He tried to go to sleep, but he couldn’t. He still felt guilty and weird. He really did like Jace, and Gideon, but something felt weird. He knew they loved him, that much he could tell. Maybe he was too different from them. Maybe it wouldn’t work out. He didn’t want to say it. Maybe he’d end up regretting it, probably.

He spent a few hours laying there. He’d have to do another event that night. He couldn’t stay up too long before it. For a while he just stared at the ceiling and thought about it. He got up and had a beer. Then he got back and looked at Instagram. He did a lot of things in his bed for those hours. He passed out, then.

When he got up he showered, put on a  _ little  _ bit of makeup (mainly eyeliner), had some leftover pizza, brushed his teeth, and went to work.

He did surprisingly well at work, considering his low energy from before and the rampant thoughts. He came home with an envelope full of tips, and a paper bag full of hot wings that his coworker bought for him. As he ate them on the couch, watching one of those home design shows on TV, he remembered making jokes with Jace about chicken strips and smiled.

It would be really nice to talk to Jace, he thought. So Ral called him.

Jace answered right away, to Ral’s surprise. “Mmm… Ral, it’s three AM.”

Ral smiled and leaned back. “Yeah, it is. What’s up?”

“I mean,” Jace yawned, “I’m just laying here. I fell asleep on the couch on Gideon, but I guess he moved me ‘cause we’re in bed.”

“Hmm.”

“Why did you call me? It’s nice, and I’m glad you did, but it  _ is _ three in the morning.” Ral could hear shuffling. Either Jace was getting up or he was rolling over in bed.

“I dunno, I thought of you when I got hot wings.”

Jace snorted. “Wow, that’s deep.”

There was a silence just long enough for Ral to come up with something. “Hey, are you free tomorrow?”

“Yeah, for most of the day.”  
“Sweet. Wanna come over? Like at noon?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there. I’ll need your address, I’ve never been at your apartment.”

“Cool.”

“Alright, I’m going back to sleep now.”

“Wait, there’s something I want to ask.”

“Go for it, and quickly, before I fall asleep on the phone.” Jace yawned.

“When we hang out tomorrow, can it be just you? Gideon’s great, and I love the guy, but I’ve never spent time alone with you.”

“Yeah, sure,” Jace said. “Goodnight Ral.”

“Goodnight.”

Ral hung up, put his hot wings in the fridge, and passed out on the couch.

 

Ral woke up to clean up his whole place. He picked up all the garbage in the kitchen and wiped down all the surfaces, vacuumed the living room, dusted everything, cleaned the bathroom until it sparkled, and tidied up his room. He carefully hid all of his inventions in the closet of his office, except for the big one, which he left in the middle of the office. Everything looked pretty good afterward, he thought.

He considered making lunch for Jace when he came over. He checked the fridge to try and get an idea, but there wasn’t much to choose from. He sighed. He would just order food instead, or maybe take Jace out, he supposed.

It was eleven AM, so Ral sent over his address. Jace let Ral know he would be coming from his class when it got out, so naturally Ral put the address of Jace’s school into Google Maps to see how long it would take him to Ral’s place. Jace said he was already done at eleven and asked if he could get there at eleven-thirty, and of course Ral said yes.

At eleven-twenty-eight Ral was getting anxious, so he got up and walked down the stairs to wait for Jace. As he did, he noticed Jace was already there. Ral walked toward him. Jace took off his helmet, and when he did, he smiled at Ral. “Oh, hello.” Ral took Jace’s hand and helped him off his motorcycle, and carried his bag.

“Welcome,” Ral said. He opened the door for Jace, who slipped inside.

“Ah damn,” Jace looked in all directions at Ral’s place, his brown eyes wide. “You call this place an apartment? It’s huge!”

“I mean, technically, it is one. Would you prefer I call it a ‘loft apartment’?” Ral set down Jace’s bag by the door.

“If you called it that at least once, I would have at least been able to visualize it.” Jace unzipped his jacket, folded it, and put it on top of his bag.

Ral ruffled Jace’s hair. “You want the tour, li’l blue?”

“Of course I do. Then maybe I can calculate how much money you make.” Jace smirked and patted Ral’s cheek. “Ooh, and you just shaved.”

Ral snorted. “Feels nice, ah? Well, let’s get to it.” He showed Jace all the little details in the living room, pointed out the bathroom, showed him his bedroom, his office plus his collection of music on a shelf,  _ tried _ to explain his inventions to Jace (whose eyes sparkled, and who asked many, many, many questions), and his kitchen-dining room area.

“You place is so sophisticated Ral, I must admit surprise.” Jace laughed. They were in the dining room, and Jace was taking a peak at Ral’s drinks in the wine fridge.

“Come on, really? You didn’t see it?” Ral rolled his eyes playfully, which made Jace’s smile get bigger.

“I knew you had an eye for people, but I guess I didn’t align that with an eye for interior design…”

Ral shrugged. “Well, here we are.”

“Here we are…”

“So, see any drinks you wanna try?” Ral pulled out some glasses from the cupboard.

“I’d love to try this champagne, if that’s okay,” Jace said. He handed Ral the bottle, who looked at the label for no more than a few seconds before popping it open with the bottle opener. He poured the drink in two glasses.

They moved themselves to Ral’s couch. Jace sat right up against Ral, while Ral had his arm around him. They drank lightly. Ral wasn’t used to this.

“This is really nice, Ral,” Jace said. He pressed his head down against Ral’s shoulder.

Oh, boy. This made Ral feel worse about his feelings from earlier. He liked Jace a lot. However…

No, this was the wrong time to think about this.

“It is, huh? That’s good to know,” Ral said.

“I’m kinda surprised you invited me here all of a sudden. Has Gideon ever been?”

“A long time ago, when I first moved in. He’ll tell you all about my previous apartment— it was really shitty.”

“I never lived in an apartment,” Jace admitted. “I feel like I was missing out.”

“Maybe a little,” Ral hummed. “So… you’ve been living with Gideon how long?”

“Almost five months,” Jace said. “I guess it isn’t that long… but it feels like I should have been with Gideon years ago.”

Ral let out a short laugh. “That’s pretty corny, Jace, but it’s sweet at the same time. You’re a sweet husk.”

Jace grinned and punched Ral’s shoulder. “Don’t forget you’re dating me too, you dingus.”

“So let’s talk about somethin’, li’l blue, if you won’t mind,” Ral said. He leaned over awkwardly to grab his drink, and Jace slid down his side a little bit. Ral took a sip, and put the drink back.

“I mean, sure, but where is this going?” Jace leaned back and watched Ral.

“Well, let’s talk about Gideon.” Ral watched Jace, who tensed up a bit but smiled a small smile.

“What about him?” Jace asked.

“Have you ever had sex?” Ral leaned back casually.

“Ral, what the fuck.” Jace covered his face with his hands, and took a deep breath. He pulled down his cheeks and shut his eyes. “Do you  _ actually _ want to talk about this, or do you just want to make fun of me?”

“Nah, I’m serious. Like I said before, I only want you to talk if you’re okay with it.” Ral put his hand on Jace’s shoulder. “Sorry, though.”

Jace tipped forward until his forehead was pressed against Ral’s chest. “Well, it’s okay. I kind of want to answer it.”

Ral raised his eyebrows, surprised. He didn’t expect for Jace to want to answer him, especially after reacting the way he did.

Jace stayed there, against Ral’s chest. He played with the fabric of Ral’s shirt, twisting it and squeezing it. “No, we haven’t.”

“Oh.” Ral slowly brought his arms around Jace, holding him close. This was nice, he felt. “How do you feel about that?”

“Um… it’s okay. It’s more an issue with me than with us or him.” Jace sighed.

“I’m hearing a ‘but’...” Ral said.

He held Jace a little tighter.

“But… I want to, and we’ve tried,” Jace said.

Ral thought about that for a minute. “What do you mean?”

“I mean something’s wrong with me. I can’t do it because I’m scared. But I really  _ want _ to do it, Ral.” Ral could feel Jace’s hands shaking, and his back, too. Ral couldn’t imagine what he must have felt like.

“Dude, nothing’s wrong with you. You’ve just got a lot of shit going on. Do you need something?”

“I don’t know… just someone to talk to.”

“Well, I’m always here,” Ral said. He kissed Jace on the head, and didn’t let him go.

 

Jace left a little while after that.

They had gone to a health food café for lunch and ate a lot of salmon. Then they had gone back home to take a nap together. 

 

“... Does Gideon know about it? How you feel?”

“... Not really. I’m scared to start the conversation…”

 

When they got up, they watched TV a little longer, and then Jace got up to go home. He kissed Ral before he went out the door.

Ral stayed on the couch and thought about Jace. He felt something like pity, but not exactly. It was bigger than that. More compassionate.

Was Jace forced to grow up too young? Is that why he was so immature in some ways, and so mature in others? He thought about how old Jace was when he got married. He was… twenty-four. When Ral was that age, he didn’t know  _ if _ he would ever get married. To think Jace had never enjoyed a partnership before… Ral sighed.

His phone rang, then. Gideon. He brought his phone to his face, his heart racing. Did something happen to Jace? “Yo,” he said.

“Hey,” Gideon said. “I wanted to ask if you’re available on Thanksgiving.”

“Shit uhhh yeah the club will be closed so I’m open.”

“Great! Will you come over for it, then?” Gideon asked.

“Yeah man, I’m visiting my family the day before. Hey, uh, I hate to interrupt, but Jace is home, right?” Ral tapped his feet on the couch, his heart racing faster.

Ral could hear Gideon laughing. “Yes. You know, this was his idea. He came rushing in to tell me.”

“Oh.” Ral let out a breath of relief. “Good. I uh, was just a little concerned.”

“Are you alright?” Gideon asked. It was quiet, which meant he was being serious.

“I think I  _ really _ need to talk to you,” Ral said. “About Jace.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to thank everyone who has commented on this story. without you, i'm not sure how far this would have gone. i've already started to work on the next chapter, so i'm hoping it will be done soon!  
> i hope you like this chapter, it's a bit confusing emotionally but i think it was necessary to show everyone feeling how they do. thanks for sticking around <3


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gideon sighed, his breath coming out as a cloud of fog. “I don’t know, Ral, something is off about Jace. I’m worried…”

The kitchen was hot, and the living room was a bit chilly.

Three people sat on the couch in the living room. Jace, Nissa, and Chandra— who was just about nine months pregnant. So, there were four people on the couch. One of them was just really, really small and hidden.

In the kitchen was Gideon, who was preparing a dinner as delicately and perfectly as he could. Everything was plant-based. He had five different foods to cook, all equally important.

In the dining room there was a beautiful embroidered silvery-blue and ivory-colored cloth draped over the table, of which to place fruit and vegetables and crackers upon. There was a glass pitcher of water and three bottles of cold sparkling apple cider. In the chairs there was no one. Not yet.

In a car fifteen minutes from here was Ral, who was staring up at a traffic light with tired eyes, waiting for it to turn green.

 

A conversation arose in the living room. It was clear now that Ral was the boyfriend of Gideon, who was the boyfriend of Jace, who was the boyfriend of Ral. Chandra would take Jace’s hands, and say to him, “I’m so happy for you, and for Ral,” and Jace would say “Thanks,” and smile a little bit.

Then they would talk about Chandra’s baby. Nissa would tell all the stories about how Chandra’s hardships with getting sick and how it seemed that every part of her body ached. “But I’m mostly fine and the baby is really healthy,” Chandra would say. Her red lips curved into a smile which radiated the love only a mother could express.

Gideon passed through the living room with a bowl of crackers. He made eye contact with Jace, who lifted his head, his smile wobbly, and his eyes unsure where to turn. He looked away. Gideon’s heart felt as if it were crumbling, just then. He leaned to put the bowl of crackers down, and in doing so he touched Jace’s hand. It was shaking a little. Jace looked up and made eye contact with Gideon, stood up, kissed him on the cheek, and sat back down. Gideon stood there with his mouth slightly agape before smiling, kissing Jace on the cheek back, and walking back toward the kitchen.

“What was all that?” Chandra whispered.

“Yes, I would like to know too,” Nissa whispered.

“Why are we whispering?” Jace asked, whispering.

“Did you have a fight with Gideon?” said Chandra, just as quietly.

Jace’s face sunk and he waved his hands all about. “What? No! It’s something… that just has to do with me.  _ He’s _ amazing.” Jace covered his eyes, and hoped they wouldn’t ask any more.

Chandra took Jace’s hand. “Do you need me to talk to him?” Jace looked at her, met her fiery brown eyes, and shook his head.

“This is something I need to take care of on my own,” he said, and then he looked away. 

Chandra squeezed his hand. “You didn’t do anything you think upset him, did you? Not that I think you would…”

“I-I don’t think so. I hope not…” Jace’s heart started to race. Gideon wouldn’t get upset with Jace because of this, right?

“I’m sure Gideon is just worried because you haven’t talked to him about whatever it is,” Nissa said. She put her hand on top of Jace’s as well, and smiled at him.

Jace nodded. He couldn’t help but smile a little bit too.

 

The door opened. Ral entered the house with red cheeks and a gift box in his hands. Jace got up from the couch and ran to Ral. He wrapped his arms around his neck, and pulled him down for a kiss.

“Oh,” Jace said, “Your face is really cold.”

“Yeah, it’s surprisingly cold out today. How are you?” Ral kissed Jace on the forehead, and hugged him around his waist.

“I’m… okay. I’m glad you’re here. Come on, sit with us on the couch.”

“I will, but first I need to talk to Gideon. Is that alright?”

Jace nodded, and walked over to sit on the couch with Chandra and Nissa again. “I’ll just be here, waiting for you.”

 

Ral went to the kitchen to find Gideon sliding something into the oven. He was wearing mismatched oven mitts and a cream-colored apron that brought focus to his tan skin and muscular figure. Gideon hadn’t noticed him yet, so naturally, Ral put his arm around him and said “hey.”

“Oh!” Gideon flinched and started to laugh. Ral could feel it in his side, and Ral was kissed on the cheek. “Glad you made it. How was it with your family?”

“Good, good.” Ral let go of Gideon, and propped himself up on the only empty counter space remaining. “I ate a  _ lot _ of meat to make up for today.”

Gideon shook his head and lightly punched Ral in the shoulder. “You’re a tease.”

“Yeah, yeah. So it’s been a while since I asked you to talk about Jace, but is it alright if we do it now?” Ral said.

Gideon’s facial expression dropped, and suddenly he was much more serious. Serious, and also afraid. “Yeah,” he said. “I… I’m pretty worried about him.”

Ral nodded. “Actually, I am too.”

Ral was. After Jace initially explained his feelings to Ral the first time, he talked to him about it again a few days later. They had been in Jace and Gideon’s room, and Gideon had been in the shower. Jace had begun to cry on Ral’s shoulder, telling him that he was afraid Gideon would never know just how much Jace loved him. He was so scared, he said. Ral had squeezed him tight, and promised him it would be okay.

Since then, Ral kept an eye on Jace. Jace would always look at Gideon with so much love, but Ral could sense sadness, too. He remembered when Jace was stuck with that horrible woman, how Jace couldn’t tell her anything without some kind of backlash, and sometimes, she  _ would _ hit him. It was no wonder Jace was so afraid to trust.

Ral was starting to realize there was nothing he wanted more than for Jace and Gideon to focus on each other.

“I think we should talk outside,” Gideon said. “Help me finish preparing the rest of this, and then we can go.”

 

“Jace,” Gideon said. He was standing in front of the couch, and he pet Jace’s hair. “Me and Ral are going to go for a short walk. He wants to talk to me about something. Will you check on the food when the timer beeps?”

Jace nodded, and stood to kiss Gideon under his chin and hug him tightly. “Yeah, I will.”

“Thank you.” Gideon hugged and kissed him back, and he took Ral outside.

 

“Do you need to tell  _ me _ something?” Ral asked. They had gone outside, and started walking down the steps of the porch. “I’m feeling some tension between you two.”

Gideon sighed, his breath coming out as a cloud of fog. “I don’t know, Ral, something is off about Jace. I’m worried…”

Ral took Gideon’s hand and squeezed it. “About what?”

“Ral…” Gideon sniffled. When Ral looked at Gideon’s golden eyes, he saw tears filling up to the waterline. He squeezed his hand even harder. “Jace… tried to kill himself once. Do you remember when we were in the hospital with him?”

“Yeah… That’s what that was about?”

Gideon nodded. He tried to catch his breath. “I just don’t know… if maybe he’s feeling that way again.”

Ral stopped, and when Gideon noticed he stopped too. They held each other tightly.

“I can’t lose him, Ral. Not Jace, I can’t ever lose Jace.”

Ral could feel Gideon shaking, and he could feel Gideon losing control of his breath. Ral closed his eyes. “Gideon, Jace loves you so much. You’ve changed his whole world. And clearly, you love him.”

Gideon nodded, and took a deep breath. “Yeah…”

“You know there’s something he’s been wanting to talk to you about?” Ral asked.

Gideon pulled away, his face painted with complete shock. “What? What is it?”

Ral smiled a little sadly. “Well, you have to find out for yourself. He needs you to talk to him.”

Gideon wiped his eyes and cheeks with his sleeve. “You’re right. I need to be there for him.” He sighed, and hugged Ral again. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now, let’s get back before dinner is ready.”

Gideon nodded, and they went back home.

 

When they got back to the house, Jace was away from the couch and so were Chandra and Nissa. Ral took off his shoes and picked up the present from the coffee table. When Gideon’s shoes were off, he went straight to the kitchen, where Jace was taking care of the food as Gideon asked.

Gideon took a deep breath. He put his hand on Jace’s back. Jace turned to look at Gideon, his mouth slightly open in surprise, and Gideon held him tightly in his arms.

Ral wandered into the kitchen. When he saw Gideon and Jace, he smiled and walked into the dining room.

Gideon and Jace stayed silent for a little while. Gideon was happy to hold Jace. Jace’s hair was soft against Gideon’s neck, and his sweater was warm against Gideon’s arms. Gideon felt Jace’s hands appear on  _ his _ back, and he couldn’t help but smile.

Eventually, he let go of Jace. Jace’s face was red with heat, and Gideon imagined his was too. Gideon kissed him gently, and held his hand as they walked into the dining room.

 

After Jace sat down at the table, Nissa, Ral and Gideon took the responsibility of carrying food into the dining room and arranging the table. It didn’t take long, soon enough everyone was serving themselves. There were mashed potatoes, cranberry relish, a pasta dish…

When everyone had a plate with something on it, Ral handed Chandra the gift box. “This is for your little person,” he said.

Chandra lit up and started to unwrap it immediately. Inside the box was a baby blanket with monkeys all over it. She smiled and laughed and hugged Ral. “Aw, Ral, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Ral gave her a hug in return. “I’m gonna try and be the greatest uncle ever.”

“I’m sure you will be,” Chandra said.

 

They all talked for what felt like hours. Chandra and Nissa went home after dinner. They said goodbye and hugged everybody. Then it was just Ral, Jace and Gideon, but Ral was not sticking around for long. He helped put all the food away, but after that, he just wanted Jace and Gideon to talk.

“Do you need me for anything?” Ral asked. Jace’s eyes were wide in worry, and Gideon looked down, fidgeting with his hands. “No? Alright. I’ll leave you two to it.”

Ral put on his shoes and his jacket, and he was gone.

Jace and Gideon sat on the couch by themselves.

 

Gideon couldn’t help but to hold Jace’s hand again. He felt strange and distant. His heart felt heavy. It hurt so much. But he knew Jace loved him. He knew Jace was just scared. Jace looked away, down at the floor. Gideon felt Jace’s hand tense up and shake a little bit. Gideon squeezed it, and watched him.

“Jace…” he said. “I, um… I’m worried about you.”

He saw Jace swallow, and he saw Jace’s eyes gloss over. His mouth twitched at the corners. “Gideon…”

“Can I talk to you?” Gideon asked. He held Jace’s face in his hand, stroking his warm cheek with his thumb.

Jace’s lips parted just a little bit, and he nodded. He asked very quietly to talk in their room, so Gideon took him there by the hand.

They sat on their bed, Gideon sitting in front of Jace. Gideon’s heart was pounding.

“Gideon…” Jace whispered. He sniffled, and rubbed his eyes. Gideon squeezed his hand tightly, and pet his hair. He felt like he should cry, too. “Gideon, something’s wrong with me…”

“What do you mean, baby? Nothing’s wrong with you…” Gideon held Jace closely, then, and tightly. He shut his eyes, trying not to cry himself.

“I’m broken, and I can’t be fixed,” Jace said. Gideon could feel his tears through his sweater, and squeezed him. “I’m… I’m pretty scared, Gideon…”

“What do you mean? Why are you afraid…?” Gideon’s chest tightened.

“Being with you… I want… I want so much more, but I’m afraid to ask for it,” Jace said. Gideon gasped quietly. What did that mean? What was Jace saying?

“Oh, Jace, whatever you want, I want to know about it.” Gideon rubbed Jace’s back, and kissed him on the ear.

“I-I…” Jace moved his head and put it under Gideon’s chin. “Ah, I’m so nervous…”

“It’s okay, baby…” Gideon held Jace close again.

“Someday… I want to be your husband, and I want to have a family with you, and… and I want to have… have sex with you…” Jace said. Gideon felt his face go hot. Jace huddled in even closer, hiding his face as much as he could. Nobody had ever said those things to Gideon… His heart pounded, and he was sure Jace could feel it.  _ He _ wanted those things, too.

“Oh, Jace…” Gideon let go of Jace to hold him with one arm, and used his other hand to lift his chin. Jace’s cheeks were so red, and they were stained with old tears. His eyes were shining so much. He bit his lip. He hid his face again, in his hands. “I want those things too, do you know that?”

Jace slowly moved his hands away from his face, and looked into Gideon’s eyes. Tears stayed in the brim of Jace’s eyes, and threatened to fall soon. “You… you do?”

Gideon nodded, and swallowed all the fear that gathered in his throat. He leaned in and kissed Jace on the lips. “And if you get scared, it’s okay to go as slow as you want to go.”

“I… I want to go slow with you,” Jace said. He kissed Gideon back, keeping his warm lips on Gideon’s for a little while. “I… I want you to kiss me. I want to lay here and kiss you for hours.”

“Then I will. I’ll kiss you all you want.” Gideon kissed Jace’s chin, and his jaw.

“W-wait…” Jace lifted up his sweater, and took it off. “Sorry, I’m really warm.” He smiled and kissed Gideon softly on the lips, pulling him back on the bed with him.

“I’m warm, too…” Gideon said. Jace helped him take off his sweater, and they kissed again. The kisses got longer… and they opened up. Jace’s hands got tangled up in Gideon’s hair, and he kept his legs around Gideon’s waist. They kept kissing over and over again.

When Jace had told Ral he and Gideon had ‘tried’ to have sex… Well, it had meant he had tried to ask Gideon, but it had never come out. In this moment, as he was kissing Gideon in their bed, he knew he would be able to ask him someday. It helped him to see, in this moment, how often Gideon would check in with him, find out how he was doing, and make sure he was comfortable.

Jace surprised himself with how confident he was. He was happy to kiss Gideon over and over again, he was happy to deepen kisses with him, and he was happy to roll over and lay on top of Gideon and kiss him like that. They eventually got so warm that they dressed down to their underwear. As they got sleepier, their kisses dialed down and became lazier and softer.

Jace pressed his forehead against Gideon’s, and took his hands. “I love you,” he said.

“I love you, too,” Gideon said. He wrapped Jace up in his arms, and kissed his cheek. “How are you doing now?”

“Good…” Jace looked down at Gideon. He hadn’t really looked at him like this before. “You’re handsome.” He smiled and hugged Gideon, too.

“You, too,” Gideon said. “I’m glad you feel alright.”

“How do  _ you _ feel?” Jace asked, moving a piece of Gideon’s hair behind his ear.

“ _ I _ feel really good, Jace,” Gideon said. He kissed him once more.

“Can we do that again sometime?” Jace asked. He rested his head against Gideon’s bicep, a tired smile settling across his lips.

Gideon smiled. “Of course. You were wonderful to kiss.”

Jace shivered. “I have this feeling… that I’ll want to do more soon.” He could feel Gideon’s laugh through his chest.

“You know what? I have the same feeling.”

Jace started to laugh too. “From now on, I want to tell you what’s going on with me... You always make me feel safe.”

“I feel safe around you, too,” Gideon said. He kissed Jace softly on the forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3c i'm working on the next chapter. i am. so nervous! the story is taking on a structure i have never done before, but i hope u like it. love is in the air everywhere lol  
> hint: venser is on his way! funky lil sideburns man  
> ALSO. i may be re-writing the first like. 15ish chapters because i feel like i have improved a lot over the last year i've been writing this (isnt that weird and crazy lmao) if i do, i'll be sure to let you know when a new chapter comes out ^_^


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Venser wanted to be near Karn, to be so close that he could feel his warmth. At the same time, he wanted to be as far away from him as possible. His emotions overwhelmed him. He would never be able to tell Karn about his feelings. They were too much.  
> Meanwhile...  
> Ral was laying in bed, wearing only his briefs, spread out across it like the skin of a bear in a mansion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy halloween! just as a warning, i'm changing my username to bluepact. so if you see that name or a comment from that person (me), you'll know who it is.

There was a slow, enchanting song playing all about the place, but Venser couldn’t make out the words. He had gone to the restroom, which was lit was sleepy orange lights and the walls were dark as coffee. He refused to look at himself in the mirror. His hands were shaking on either side of the sink. Then, he moved one, turning on the water. He caught it in his hands, and splashed himself in the face. Then he saw his reflection. He had gone pale, and his nose and cheeks were flooded with color. His eyes shined as if they were made of glass, the olive color in his irises intensified by the lights. He adjusted his bowtie, took a breath, and walked out into the restaurant.

As he swiveled through waiters carrying checks and food, people rushing their children out of the way, he wanted to stop. He wanted to leave. But he couldn’t; he just kept going. It was as if he had no control over his legs. Venser saw Karn in the distance, talking to a waiter as he held up his menu. He watched him speak, how he lit up and smiled, his wide shoulders open and welcoming.

He wanted to be near Karn, to be so close that he could feel his warmth. At the same time, he wanted to be as far away from him as possible. His emotions overwhelmed him. He would never be able to tell Karn about his feelings. They were too much.

 

The loft felt empty. Emptier than ever. All of the lights had been turned off, and everything there was as clean as it possibly could be. Ral was laying in bed, wearing only his briefs, spread out across it like the skin of a bear in a mansion. He wasn’t sure how he felt. Maybe he didn’t feel like anything.

He hadn’t seen Jace or Gideon since Thanksgiving, and it was the beginning of December now. Not that Ral remembered that. Laying there, he remembered texting Jace the morning of Black Friday.

_ iMessage _

_ Nov 24, 2017 8:12 AM _

Jace: “did you do something?”

Ral: “lol what u mean blue”

Jace: “well”

Ral: “oh shit. now you have to tell me”

Ral: “you realize this dont u? lol”

Jace: “:|”

Ral: “im waiting jace.”

Jace: “ok well”

Jace: “Gideon and I made out last night”

Ral: “u WHAT!”

Jace: “I’m serious!”

Ral: “ur tellin me u didnt bang! im disappointed!”

Jace: “/: why did I message you?”

Ral: “ok im sorry”

Ral: “ur tellin me u made out! im so proud!”

Jace: “you are an idiot.”

Ral: “but you love me soooo much”

Jace: “ok, that’s true.”

Ral: “lol. well, congrats.”

Ral thought about it, and then decided to take a nap.

 

In a trance, Venser stood away from the table and watched Karn. He watched his dark eyes, his wide smile, his open posture. He watched, and his heart raced. His hands started to sweat.

Karn noticed him, and when he did, his smile widened even more. “Oh, dear Venser, come back and sit with me,” he said. He pat the seat next to him at the booth. Venser nodded his head, and approached slowly.

He wanted to sit right up against Karn, but he instead sat a little too far away from Karn to get any contact.

“I’ve ordered our food already,” Karn said. He was chipper. More chipper than Venser had ever been. Then again, had Venser ever been chipper? “It should be here soon.”

Venser nodded. He didn’t know what to say. He looked down at his hands, intertwined in his lap. He didn’t like the idea that Karn would waste away his money on Venser. That he would waste his time.

“Are you hungry?” Karn asked. Venser looked at him, if only for a second, then back at his hands.

“Yes,” Venser said. “Er, thank you. For taking me out.”

“Venser,” Karn offered. “I wanted to talk to you about something. Something I’ve been thinking about.” He turned himself toward Venser, and as he did, their food arrived. Karn turned toward the waiter and said thank you, with another wide smile, and looked back at Venser.

“Oh, what is it?” Venser asked. This time, he looked at Karn. He swallowed.

“I…” Karn cleared his throat. “You don’t happen to be the author of the love letters I’ve been receiving, do you?”

Venser froze. Karn wasn’t supposed to figure that out. Venser had even altered his writing for that express purpose. He supposed he’d been a fool. He wanted Karn to know he was loved, but he didn’t want Karn to find out it was him. He wondered if it would destroy their friendship, or if he would get crushed so hard by Karn finding out that he would just leave and never see Karn again. Karn can’t know it was him. Venser had to tell him no.

“... Yes,” he said.

Venser started to crumble. He had said yes. He wasn’t supposed to say yes. Karn was to never find out. What was Venser thinking?  _ Was _ he thinking? It was as if someone who hated Venser was controlling him. Something inside him was admitting his lifelong one-sided crush he had on Karn. It was true that Venser wasn’t exactly in love with himself, but the last thing he thought he would do is reveal he wrote the letters to Karn. If his hands weren’t already shaking, they were now. They were shaking and shaking. Only a fool could ignore it. Karn enveloped Venser’s hands with his own.

“That’s what I had hoped,” Karn said. What did that mean? He smiled at Venser, but Venser still worried. Would he make a joke of Venser? Karn wasn’t like that, but Venser couldn’t rely on thinking like that anymore. No, this would change everything. This was going to change his whole life. He watched Karn as he slipped out of the booth. Oh, God, oh God he was leaving. He hated Venser for writing those letters, didn’t he? Oh no, no no no, this couldn’t be happening, Venser couldn’t lose him —

Venser’s thoughts erased themselves completely. Karn was… Karn was heading in front of Venser. Why? And why was he starting to kneel? Why was he reaching for his back pocket?

“Venser.” Karn said it clearly. With purpose. Venser couldn’t think anymore. He let his hands be held by Karn’s. Karn looked up at Venser, and their eyes met and stayed meeting. Venser studied Karn’s face: his lips curved up into a smile, pushing his eyes into little arcs… What would he say, looking at Venser with such warmth? “I love you.”

Venser started to breathe strangely, erratically, and his heart began to race. “R-really…?” he said, and Karn laughed, he laughed his full laugh. Venser’s heart sunk. Could this mean Karn was making fun of him? That Karn didn’t really mean it?

“Of course I do!” Karn said proudly. “You’ve been my closest, most dearest companion for years and years…” 

Venser swallowed. Was that true? And if it was, how long had it been true? He felt his eyes beg him to cry, but he was shaking too much to start. He tried so hard to calm his breathing.

“Are you alright?” Karn asked. His voice was sweet and sincere.

“Er… not so much,” Venser admitted. He looked back down at his lap, watched their hands holding each other.

“Why don’t you head outside, by the car? I’ll pay, we’ll eat it at home.” Karn stood, slowly let go of Venser’s hands, and kissed him gently on the cheek. “I’ll be out soon to for you, okay?”

Venser nodded, though he wanted to say much more. He wanted to tell Karn not to pay for his food. He wanted to tell Karn they should stay and enjoy their dinner. He wanted to tell Karn not to fall in love with him. It was too late.

He slid his coat back on. As he walked out of the restaurant, when he’d look at someone’s face, it was a blur. He decided not to look at them anymore. He went outside, into the cold, and waited.

 

Ral got out of bed, after waking up.

He went outside. It wasn’t cold, but it wasn’t warm, either. He kicked a rock out of his way.

He thought of Gideon. Strong, handsome Gideon. He thought of how much he supported him through the years at all of his big shows all the way from the beginning. How in college Gideon made those years bearable. Gideon understood him, and he was pretty good at gauging how Ral was doing.

Then he thought of Jace. Jace who was tortured, but who survived. Jace who was brave. And all along that, he was kind to Ral. He made Ral want to think about a lot of different things, some of which he used to find boring. Who would have guessed he’d be interested in anthropology?

Then he thought of the two of them together. Jace and Gideon. Their love was born before they even knew it, he thought. Gideon was  _ really _ good for Jace, that much was obvious, but Jace was  _ really _ good for Gideon, too. Ral remembered all of Gideon’s past relationships. Frequently short, sometimes painful, never meaningful. But Jace and Gideon were meaningful together. Meaningful and inspiring. They taught each other new things all the time. It was invigorating even for Ral to watch.

He thought of himself with the both of them. It was nice that Jace could kiss him, and it was nice that Gideon could kiss him. It was nice that they loved him. It was nice, but was it meaningful? Was it good for him?

Ral found meaning in their friendship. He could support them, be their shoulder to cry on. He could get support  _ from _ them, cry on their shoulders. It wasn’t as if their friendship wasn’t affectionate before, either. He remembered all the times Jace hugged him, all the times he leaned on Gideon’s shoulder from before.

What had Ral actually wanted? He knew he wanted to be supportive. He knew he liked being affectionate with them. He knew for a fact there was nothing he wanted more than for Jace and Gideon to be happy together.

There was nothing he wanted more...

They were meant to be his friends, Ral decided.

Maybe that would be okay. Maybe if they were only friends, Gideon and Jace would grow closer. He knew they would still be affectionate with him. Did he love them? Of course. Of course he had. But perhaps that love could come in another form.

Ral… Ral had wanted his own romance.

He didn’t feel like a third wheel, or anything of the sort. He felt like he was giving his position the wrong title. He wasn’t their lover. He was a friend. A friend that Jace and Gideon could love, rely on, kiss his face…  _ That _ was what he wanted from them.

It crushed him.

He went back inside to drink.

 

Venser was sitting in the passenger seat of Karn’s shiny, beautiful, silvery car.

It felt like hours before he came out, and when he did, Venser sat patiently. Karn got into the driver’s seat, and leaned over to kiss Venser on the cheek. Venser shivered.

Karn drove Venser back to their home, a nice little place by the beach. They had lived together for a while now. Venser couldn’t remember how long it had been. He went to the door. As he opened it, he felt Karn’s arms circle around his waist, and a kiss on his neck. Venser shivered.

Venser wasn’t hungry anymore, so he put the food in the fridge. When he did, Karn took his hand and they walked together up the stairs. In the doorway of Karn’s room, they leaned toward each other without even thinking, and kissed. Venser’s hands were still shaking, but he put them against Karn’s chest. Finally, he thought, finally I can kiss him.

 

Friday nights were always crowded in  _ Izzet Magic? _ but Ral liked it. Regulars would bring their nervous friends, which brought a smile to Ral’s face. He sat at the bar and chatted down his coworker. He was eating chicken strips again, while sipping a cheap beer.

“I heard you got yourself into a little…  _ situation _ ,” said the coworker.

“Ah, so rumors are spreading, huh?” Ral said. His coworker nodded, and Ral rubbed one of his temples while he took a long sip of his beer. “Do me a favor, hun, and stop ‘em, ‘kay?”

“Isn’t it true though?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Ral said. “Just do it for me.”

Explaining it wasn’t going to help, Ral thought, it would only make the situation worse. If rumors were to go around that Ral was an asshole that dumped the two guys he cared for the most, he might just punch someone in the face. He finished his last chicken strip.

He got up, tipped twenty-five percent, and left.

 

Venser lay naked with Karn in his giant bed, their prosthetics on the floor and their remaining limbs tangled under tangled sheets. Venser wondered how his confidence allowed him to be so intimate with Karn… he was all sweaty and he smelled like sex, which he had never known of the smell of before. He pressed his lips to the back of Karn’s neck.

He touched the shoulder of the arm Karn lost back when they were fighting in the war together. It was so vivid in his mind, so much so that he had to shut his eyes to avoid the tears.

Venser had been walking together with Karn in the field for what felt like forever, trying to find their way back to base. A land mine had gone off. Venser’s memories had flashed before his eyes. Most of his left leg lay behind him, his face shoved into the dirt.

He remembered waking up with Karn next to him in another bed. His whole body had been numb but it still hurt. It hurt like hell. He knew Karn must’ve felt the same way.

They got to know each other in those beds. They would talk about their old families — which Venser normally hated to talk about — and their favorite foods, and what they wanted to do when they went back home… 

After about a week in those beds, they were being sent back to the States to finish their recovery. Karn had insisted to go to the same place as Venser, and so he did. After that, they started living together.

Karn was Venser’s whole world.

 

Ral found himself driving to Chandra and Nissa’s house at about ten o’clock that night. He called Nissa, knowing Chandra would probably be asleep.

“Hulloh?” answered Chandra.

“‘Yello,” said Ral, “Why did you answer Nissa’s phone?”

“She’s asleep!” said Chandra. “She spent all day painting and decorating the baby’s room.”

“Oh shit! Can I come over and see?”

“Yeah! Something tells me you were gonna come over anyway.”

“It’s true. Well, be there in a few.”

“Okay. Be safe, Ral.”

Ral said good-bye and hung up, shoving his phone between his legs. The rest of his drive wasn’t so bad. He drove with the window open just a little, and the wind played with his hair.

He got to Chandra’s house and climbed out of his car. Chandra opened the door before he approached the steps, and smiled widely at him.

“Hey!” she called out, “Come up and give me a hug.”

Ral did. He held her close, pressing his forehead up against her shoulder.

“Ral,” she said, “This is weird. You’re awfully snuggly.”

“Oh, sorry,” he said. He pulled away, and slid past Chandra to get in the house. He had brushed up against her belly. He still couldn’t believe how enormous it was. “You’re literally about to have your kid,” he said.

Chandra laughed as she closed the door behind herself. “Don’t say that! I need at least one more week.”

Ral rubbed the back of his head, thinking. “It’s gonna be weird having a little kid in here running around.”

“True… But I’m happy.”

“Good. You deserve to be.”

“I have a feeling you’re stalling, just like you did when you told me you had a crush on Jace and Gideon. Am I right?” Chandra asked. She sat down on the couch, out of breath. She pat the seat next to her, and Ral sat there.

“Yeah. You’re like my mom, always knowing what I’m thinking about…” Ral put his head on Chandra’s shoulder again, and closed his eyes.

“So  _ that’s _ why you’re all cuddly. Because you think I’m like your mom.”

“Yes.”

“Well then. Let’s talk about your boyfriends.”

Ral sighed. That was the problem, wasn’t it? Their title. That made everything weird.

“Don’t get mad…”

“Why would I get mad?”

“Because I want to break up with them.”

There was a long, painful silence. Ral wondered if he should move his head away from Chandra’s shoulder, but he didn’t. He was stuck there, wondering if Chandra was already angry, despite him telling her not to be.

“Okay,” Chandra finally said. “Walk me through it.”

Ral understood. “I like kissing them and stuff, but it’s better for me to be their friend. As a boyfriend… I feel more distant.”

“This is the most articulate I’ve seen you,” Chandra said. “I’m a little sad, but… I’m proud of you. I’m sure they’ll understand.”

“I’d hate to… hurt them,” Ral said. “But this will be better than hurting them more later, right…?”

“That’s right,” Chandra said. She rubbed his shoulder.

Nissa appeared a little later, but was so tired that Ral found it best to not explain his situation to her. Chandra would do it later, he thought. After a snack, Ral followed his friends to the baby’s room to take a look. It was small, but a good size for a kid to grow up in for a few years, Ral thought. He asked them if the baby would be sleeping in that room, and they both shook their heads nearly simultaneously. “The baby’ll be sleeping with us,” Nissa said, “I want our baby to learn to breathe with us.” On the walls Nissa had painted light green with a little monkey which looked very similar to the ones on the blanket Ral gave to them. There were also little clouds and daisies all over. In a tiny wardrobe were various tiny footed outfits and little hats. Ral told them he thought it was wonderful, because it was.

Ral spent the night at Chandra’s house on the couch, despite the offer to sleep in the guest bed. He didn’t like it in there. It felt lonelier than the couch did, somehow. He stared up at the ceiling, his arms behind his head. Would Jace be okay with it? Would he be angry at Ral? Ral’d never seen Jace upset with him, not for real. That might be too much.

But did that mean he could handle Gideon, if Gideon were upset with him? No… no, probably not.

He shut his eyes. It would be fine, and if not not, at least he was honest.

Shit, I’m scared, Ral thought.

 

There was a towel around Venser’s shoulders, placed there by Karn. They had a pleasant shower, though Venser still felt a twisting in his chest. He got dressed in front of Karn, and Karn in front of him. Venser put on a light-blue tank top and a pair of briefs, and realized soon after he didn’t want to wear anything else, except for maybe a blanket. Karn held his hand softly, and they went outside to the porch together.

They leaned against each other and watched the beach. The tide was in. Venser looked up a the sky, then. He remembered how, when they were in those old beds, he always asked someone to let them go out and look up at the sky. It was the same sky as it was back then, wasn’t it? He smiled and held Karn’s hand tighter.

“Venser,” Karn said. He clung to Venser’s hand, and descended to his knees. “I know… I’ve only told you I love you starting today.” He pressed his forehead to Venser’s hand, and closed his eyes. Venser could feel his eyelashes move. “But it’s been true since I lost my arm… and you your leg.”

“Karn… it’s alright. I was afraid to tell you sooner.” Venser started to kneel, too, but Karn put up his hand to stop him.

“Venser,” Karn said again. He revealed his other hand, which held a little black box with a ring inside. The ring had a tiny diamond engraved inside it, and Venser nearly missed it. He gasped. His heart burst inside his chest, and he collapsed on his knees.

Karn laughed quietly, and said “I haven’t even asked you…”

Venser backed up, tears sitting against his eyes. “Sorry… go… go ahead.”

“Will you marry me, Venser?” Karn asked.

“Yes,” Venser said, and he kissed Karn on the lips, his heart twisting and untwisting over and over again.

 

Ral woke up late into the next morning with a bit of a headache. He got off the couch and up on his feet. In the kitchen he found a plate with food on it, wrapped in thin plastic and labeled “for Ral :)”. He unwrapped it, stuck it in the microwave, and found some Advil to swallow.

If he didn’t do it today, he was gonna lose his goddamn mind.

He ate his breakfast in silence, brushed his teeth, walked out into the cold, and opened Jace’s contact. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for reading, i appreciate you (:  
> so far this story has taken me all kinds of places. it has helped me discover parts of me that i never knew it would (hi jace thank u i love u forever). but it's not over yet and there is still a lot of content to get through!  
> this chapter in particular is one of the most difficult things i've written, a lot of emotional turmoil has happened on whether or not i should write it the way i did. let me know what you think! are you confused? are there ideas you have i should know about? i don't really have anyone to talk to in depth about this story, so i'd love to hear from you. please message me on tumblr (ptsdjace) or twitter (sprklqst) or even on discord if you want (sammy#0123). i love y'all so much and since this story is the world to me and so are all of your comments.  
> love u xoxo  
> P.S. i'm gonna take ral for a JOURNEY  
> P.P.S. you may have noticed the chapter count go up. yup, that's a thing. and there might be more i'm so sorry.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gideon felt his stomach twist up in knots. He didn’t know what that meant. Maybe he did, but it made him feel sick enough to cloud his judgement. He suddenly noticed how dry his lips were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI i'm sorry for the delay!!! this chapter has been incredibly difficult. the chapter and i had many disagreements, u have no idea how much i wrote and rewrote parts of it, and i just hope it's ok!! it's a little short, but hopefully it's enough to tide you over before the next one. thanks for sticking around (:

“This feels strange,” Jace said.

Ral had invited he and Gideon to meet him at the park that afternoon, by the bench under the big tree. Gideon and Jace went together in Gideon’s car, up to a parking lot about fifteen minutes’ walking distance from the park. They were holding hands and breathing in the coldish air.

“I’m sure it’s fine, this is Ral,” Gideon said. He was unsure if he believed it.

“Yeah… it’s Ral.” Jace nodded once, and smiled at Gideon. “Come on, let’s not be late.”

They kept walking, their hands clinging so tightly to one another.

Ral sat in the bench under the big tree, which Jace could see, but Jace could not see his face. Jace smiled, though, and walked toward him. Ral did not open his arms for him when he got close.

“Hey,” Ral said.

Gideon appeared next to Jace, and took his hand again. “Hey.”

“Let’s just get this over with,” Ral said.

Gideon felt his stomach twist up in knots. He didn’t know what that meant. Maybe he did, but it made him feel sick enough to cloud his judgement. He suddenly noticed how dry his lips were. He pressed them together.

“Get what over with?” Jace asked. Gideon looked at him, and wondered how he felt. He looked a little red in the face. Ah. He must have been as confused as Gideon.

Ral looked off somewhere beside them, his mouth something of a crooked frown. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. Gideon had a bad feeling about what was about to be said.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Ral said. “I’m breaking up with both of you.”

“Oh…” said Jace. He reached out a hand, but hesitated and put it back down, dejected. “I, uh… okay.”

Gideon couldn’t say anything. Instead he squeezed Jace’s hand. Remember that I’m here, he thought.

“Just… get out of my sight, okay? I can’t stand to look at you,” Ral said. It was cold, it was harsh, and inside Gideon’s chest it snapped something. He could not move.

Ral turned his back to them and walked away. He was gone so quickly that it no longer felt real.

 

Gideon felt Jace hug him tightly around his waist, resting his head against Gideon’s chest. “It’s okay,” he said.

Gideon sniffled, wrapping his arms around Jace. He didn’t know what to think, but he knew he really needed Jace right now. He could smell his shampoo from this close. He closed his eyes.

“Come on, love,” Jace said. He went up on his tiptoes and kissed Gideon on the lips. “Let’s go home and rest.”

 

Ral got out his cheap beer.

He aligned the bottle opener and popped it down so hard that the bottle slipped from the counter, flipped backward, and smashed to the floor, alcohol exploding everywhere and glass shattering. Ral heard himself yelling.

“Jesus  _ fucking _ Christ!”

He sat on the floor and covered his eyes, trying to breathe. “What the fuck is wrong with me,” he said. “What’s my  _ fucking _ problem?”

He cleaned up the mess. He cleaned the glass with his fingers, and the alcohol with the mop his mom bought him when he moved in to this place. He got out another bottle, which he opened properly.

He drank it on the couch and stared at the blank TV. He looked behind himself, at the couch cushion, and remembered Jace sitting there and cuddling up to Ral’s side. How naïve I was, he thought, thinking everything would be dandy. Jace would probably never cuddle with him again, not after today. Not after Ral was so cruel to him. He took a long sip.

Ral stared down at his friendship bracelet that Gideon made for him a few years ago. Should he be wearing it? He was cruel to Gideon, too. He got up off the couch and went to the bathroom. He got out a pair of scissors that he normally used to cut his hair, took a deep breath, and cut the bracelet off. He wouldn’t wear it anymore. He didn’t deserve to.

He took the bracelet upstairs to his office and dropped it into his desk drawer. He wouldn’t wear it, but he wasn’t going to throw it away. They were special memories, even if he did fuck it all up. He covered his face and yelled.

 

In the parking lot before they went home, Gideon was panicking in the front seat. He was too panicked to cry.

“Hey…” Jace said softly. “Hey, let’s sit in the back a while, okay?”

Gideon took a deep breath, and lifted his head from the steering wheel. “Okay,” he said.

Jace adjusted the seats to lean as far back as possible, and held Gideon close. “It’s okay,” he said. “Let’s go to your gym and work out a little, okay? Would that help?”

“Jace…” Gideon pulled back to look at him. He held his face, and stroked it with his thumb. “This is about you, too, you know. You don’t have to hold out for me.”

Jace smiled, a little sadly. “You’ve helped me through so much. It’s about time I get to help you.”

Gideon leaned in and kissed him. “I love you a lot.”

Jace laughed quietly. “I love you too.”

“Please, though…” Gideon looked down at their knees. “Don’t hesitate if you’re hurt, too.”

“I won’t,” Jace said. He pressed their foreheads together.

 

They lifted weights for a while in Gideon’s studio, which eventually — somehow — turned into slow dancing. They playlist on Gideon’s phone seemed to lead in that direction. Gideon wasn’t really a dancer, but he’d dance with Jace.

Really, they just swayed. Gideon watched Jace’s face, his brown eyes, his dark eyelashes, his smile. He found himself drifting toward him until he kissed him on the lips. Jace kissed him back. They swayed song after song, not saying much at all to each other, but that didn’t matter.

The last song reminded Gideon of Ral for some reason. Perhaps because it made his chest hurt like Ral’s words from before.

On the way home Jace finally broke. He was quiet. At the light, shortly after Gideon noticed, he kissed Jace on the head and told him they’d be home soon.

And they were.

They sat in bed in their t-shirts and underwear and had takeout. The TV was on, but neither paid it any attention. Jace ate so slowly, it was like he didn’t want to eat at all. They didn’t say much. Not even after the food was gone.

 

What Ral said repeated in Gideon’s head over and over again.

“Get out of my sight, okay? I can’t stand to look at you.”

Each time he thought of it, he was crushed by it again and again.

It had been a long day. Gideon spent the remainder of it laying about with Jace, and they found they didn’t have much to say. They had more to think about.

It was the middle of the night when Gideon woke up. In his dream, Ral had said it again.

“I can’t stand to look at you.”

He wondered if he’d ever see Ral again. He really wanted to hold him, even if they weren’t together anymore. To see him. To speak to him…

Gideon looked down at Jace. Jace was holding a spot on the blanket, evidence that he had been squeezing it hard before he fell asleep. Gideon moved Jace’s hand to relax it. Jace stirred in his sleep.

At least I have you, Gideon thought, and then he held Jace and went back to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i recently got my new computer (yay!) so naturally i've been drawing a lot while despairing about this chapter. i drew one from this story in particular. link below!  
> [ILLUSIONS gideon and jace going for a walk](http://sprklqst.tumblr.com/post/180048240580/walk-in-the-park)  
> enjoy ♥♥♥  
> next chapter will have BIG things happening. get excited! lol


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ral was on Chandra’s right side, squeezing her hand and his own eyes shut. Nissa was on the left, Chandra’s other hand in hers.

“AAAARGH!”

It was time already.

Ral was on Chandra’s right side, squeezing her hand and his own eyes shut. Nissa was on the left, Chandra’s other hand in hers.

Ral felt like he might pass out. No matter how hard he tried not to think about it, he couldn’t help it. He lowered his face until his nose touched the back of Chandra’s hand. He knew that, no matter how much harder Chandra squeezed his hand, it was no match to whatever pain she was going through. He couldn’t begin to imagine how that might feel — the idea of how humans were born bothered him to no end.

He was glad that he was able to be with Chandra when she had started to go into labor. Nissa had been away at the grocery store, so if Ral hadn’t been there, Chandra would’ve been alone. The thought of that haunted him to his core. It had been the middle of the day, and much less dramatic than Ral anticipated it would be.

“AAAAAAAHH!” Chandra cried out. Mixed in was the voice of a newborn child, crying as it took in its first breath of air.

Ral lifted his head and watched the doctor and Nissa as they gathered the child in their arms. Nissa, who was sparkling with sweat, and Chandra, who looked happily alive but painfully numb all at the same time. She was crying and she was smiling; she did even more so after the baby was cleaned, wrapped in a small blanket and handed to her.

“Ral,” Chandra said. Her voice was so weak, and Ral could barely hear her. “Ral, come and look at my baby girl.”

Ral was already anxious before Chandra passed her child over. He took it gently — oh God, she was so warm — his hands were shaking and his heart was pounding.

“Ral,” Chandra said. This time her voice was clearer. “You’re crying.” She was so sympathetic, and so warm, and she was so right to be a mother. 

Ral hadn’t noticed he’d been crying. He was too busy looking at the pink creature in his arms. Her eyes were wide and alert. And they were dark, very dark. Ral could see that her hair was red, like Chandra’s. He smiled and laughed. He didn’t know why he was laughing, he just was. He smoothed her soft, tiny head.

“I want you to name her,” Chandra said.

Ral looked up at her, surprised. His wide eyes and dropped jaw must’ve told her his question.

“Yes, you. I’m serious.” She laughed her most tired laugh, and pet the back of the baby’s head. Nissa smiled.

Ral looked back at the child.

“Tiger,” he said.

 

Music, buzzing and light emanated from the underneath Gideon’s clean pants. The water from the shower was so loud that he could barely hear it. When he did he shuffled through his clothes, and picked it up. It was Nissa. He tried to answer it. The water on his hand stopped him, so he dried it off on his towel.

“Hey! … What?! … Yes, yes I’ll be there. Let me pick up Jace. … Yeah, see you! Congratulations!”

He got out of the shower as fast as he could, threw on his clothes, tied his hair up in a messy bun, and ran out of the gym.

He drove down to the bookstore and parked in a thirty-minute parking spot across the street. He saw the old coffee shop he used to work at and smiled. If he hadn’t worked there, none of this would have happened. He was glad he did.

Gideon opened the door to the bookstore and started looking around for Jace. He went up a floor and started going through the aisles of shelves, and eventually he saw Jace, noticing that his hair was sticking up in strange places today. Gideon smiled.

Jace was talking animatedly to two kids, and he was kneeling down to do so. He flipped through a book with them and pointing at a page every now and then. The kids were smiling. When Jace had said all he needed to about the book, one of the kids hugged it to his chest and they both said thank you. They then ran off to the counter ahead of them, giggling all the way in excitement.

Gideon couldn’t help but smile, too. He wondered if Jace would like to have kids…

Jace watched them go with a wide grin on his face, stood up, and turned around. His smile got even bigger.

“Hey!” he said. They walked toward each other until Jace stood up on his toes and kissed Gideon, wrapping his arms around his waist.

“Hi, honey,” Gideon said. He leaned in and kissed Jace back.

“What are you doing here?” Jace asked. His manager name tag was pressing up against Gideon’s chest, but Gideon didn’t mind.

“I’m here to pick you up,” Gideon said.

Jace frowned, puzzled. Gideon laughed. “Chandra’s baby was just born.”

“Oh, wow!” Jace smiled again. “Okay, let me see if the other manager will be okay by herself.” He kissed Gideon’s cheek and pulled away. “I’ll be right back.”

Jace was right back. Gideon hardly had time to examine the books on the shelf. He took Gideon’s hand to announce his presence. “I told her to call me if there’s an emergency,” he said. “Let’s go.”

 

Ral went downstairs to get himself a coffee and a tea for Nissa. Chandra didn’t want anything, though she wasn’t allowed to eat right now anyway. He was still thinking about Jace and Gideon. He had Christmas presents for them under the plastic tree at his loft, even though he still wasn’t sure they’d want to see him again. If they didn’t, well, he’d give them to Chandra to pass on under her name. He paid for the drinks and tipped, then leaned against the wall to wait.

He took the stairs to get back up to Chandra’s floor. He didn’t feel like standing around to wait, just the thought of that stressed him out.

He got to Chandra’s room and opened the door slowly. He walked passed the partition.

“I'm back, here's your—”

He felt himself freeze into place as he laid eyes on the scene: Jace looking up at Ral with wide eyes, the infant safe between his arms; Gideon looking pale as he eyed Ral, his arm around Jace’s back. Ral shuffled, almost about to turn around and leave.

“Jesus Christ, you guys,” Chandra said, her eyes darkening. “I just had a baby, can we please get along?”

Ral nodded, keeping his gaze down. He walked toward Gideon and Jace, and he hugged each of them awkwardly. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I was such an ass.”

“Do you still… want to be friends?” Jace asked. Ral wasn’t looking, but he heard a small shake in Jace’s voice.

“Shit, Jace, of course I want to be friends. If you’ll both have me…”

Gideon rubbed Ral’s back. “We will, Ral. Of course we will.”

“We missed you so much,” Jace said. He looked down at the baby and smiled; she had fallen asleep.

“Me too,” Ral said. “What I said was damn stupid. What can I do to make it up to you?”

“Celebrate Christmas with us,” Jace said. “That’s all I want, really…”

Gideon smiled. “Will you?”

“Yeah,” Ral said. “Yeah, I totally will.”

 

Ral leaned back in Chandra’s couch, holding Tiger parallel to himself. He smiled at her, and kissed her on her tiny nose. A few days had passed, and Ral had decided to meet Chandra and Nissa at their house, because Chandra was finally able to come back home with baby Tiger. Because he also planned to host Christmas this year, he brought over some food to practice cooking with Nissa.

Tiger’s eyes were wide, and Ral noticed how green they were. Her little cheeks were rosy and she didn’t have any teeth, he noted when she’d smile. She was wrapped in the blanket Ral had gifted to her, and had on a blue hat that Nissa had knitted.

He held her for awhile, until she started to cry. Reluctantly, he handed her back off to Chandra.

“You seem to be feeling better,” she said.

“I am,” said Ral. “I have little Tiger to thank.” He leaned over, and pressed his forehead to Tiger’s. “My little niece.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's that time in university for final projects ;_; sorry for the wide gap between chapters!! next week I'll be done with class for the quarter and I'm going to spend more time prioritizing writing. ♥  
> next chapter you'll be in for a surprise :} it WILL be out on or before xmas (because it's the xmas chapter!!!) and i'm super excited. and i'm really excited for little baby tiger too!!! ;;W;;  
> thank you for reading! xoxo


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